All Comments on 'Wrapped Up with a Bow'

Really good first effort. I liked your character development, dialogue, logic and pacing. The sex was hot. You write a lot like Ann Douglas on here which is a major compliment, though she writes more genres than lesbian. Your bio says you are gay so that may be your niche. But, who knows where your creativity will lead you. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Very beautifully worded and excellent narration. Love to read more like this.

Very well done! For a first submission, this was really excellent. You are a talented writer and I would love to read some more of your work, especially if you’d like to further explore the relationship between these two roller derby queens. I also love the setting as childhood memories came flooding back...memories of the San Francisco Bay Area Bombers, New York Chiefs, Charlie O’Connell, Mike Gammon, and Judy McGuire. Thank you so much for sharing this and I look forward to any other stories you wish to share.

I loved this story. The character development and plot was well done. The slow but arousing build up of attraction and sensuality between the two was fabulous. It was enjoyable and yes arousing ! Can't wait to read more !

I am so annoyed!! This is your only story?? I really really hope you’ll be publishing more, this story is just...wow!! It’s just so beautifully written, excellent details, perfect character development... I was hooked right from the get go. Even with knowing what would happen from the summer, I still got chills when they fist kissed. Just, wow!! I NEED to read more of your work!!

Thanks!

In your preamble you said that you supposed your readers would have a familiarity with roller derby. Don't worry about that, Jacquelyn. There are stories on this site with backgrounds in American football, soccer, cricket, baseball, softball, rugby, swimming, wrestling--you name it, it's there and probably a (fairly high) proportion of readers will neither know nor care about the sport itself. What does matter is the story itself, the plot and the quality of the writing. Well, there wasn't too much plot in this one but the standard of writing was good. So keep at it, it will be interesting to see how the series develops.

Thank you for the kind comments! It really means a lot! I do plan on writing more (and longer) stories, especially since this one has been so well-received. I've got a couple of story outlines in mind, and an ever-growing cast of Crosscannon characters to explore. Lynn and Jet will definitely be reappearing, most likely as supporting characters while I put some of their teammates center stage for the next few stories. I'm really excited to introduce more of this world :)

two friends climbing into each other's souls through lesbian breast touching and groin grinding, whilst they tell each other of their mutual yearnings. Very erotic, very sensual, very sweet.

So realistic I felt like I was in the room reveling in and sharing their experience.

Everyone else has pretty much said what I feel already so don't want to sound like a parrot. Will say I sincerely look forward to reading more!

Fabulous! Very strong writing style, and such detail, it makes the whole scene come alive!