All Comments on 'Yo-Yo Chronicles Ch. 01 Ending'

I'm not a huge fan of your stories, while well written they go a little extreme for my tastes. I liked this one though. Sure he did it for selfish reasons maybe, but he did good and good came ot of it.

How about you try a certain series that has more complaints then any on lit by a certain writer that writes in circles all the time.

Not naming names

Thanks for posting another great ending. There are so many out there. Keep it up. AND welcome back again.

I'm glad you have shouldered the burden of finishing these stories, I accidentally clicked the link for yo yo ch 2 then couldn't bring myself to read ch 1. When I saw this I went ahead and read ch 1 with confidence you would restore balance to the force.

request you to continue that series as it is pending from very long. let us see if you can pull it off with writing series like stories.

Yo yo 1 left me so bloody angry. It ended at such a brutal point and then yo yo 2 was nothing to do with the previous chapter. So everyone was left with this dark picture trying to imagine some kind of ending.

Thank you for bringing it to a respectable close. Well done.

Between yourself and cpete both were excellent. To me, however, you were too nice to the crazy cunt wife. The raping asshole got his and the lesbian ball-busting cameracunt got hers. You had mercy, a little too much, when informed of the ex's condition. The revenge worked out in the end and she realized exactly what she lost. I guess it's my own bitterness that makes me feel less merciful. Oh well.

Continue the excellent work.

TOO CRUEL TO MENTION.

@FinishTheDamnStory My favorit example the sexual cannibalism.....what would a wife do if she discovered this sex fantasy is her husband's????? Would she invite the neighbor women to cook them for her husband with gun or she would sucrify herself???? The husband has breast porn in the hystory with horse, she would buy a Icelandic ponny stalion in the garden??????

5**** My second favorit Revenge stories is FrancisMacomber "The Six O'clock News Slot" and my fourths favorit is itmgr2010 "Black & Tan Blues". In both story the cheating wives go through a hard revenge and the children custody will be the ex husband's. However the ex husbands could be generouse to the total loser ex wives. This story is similar. If you are the total winner the generousity is not weakness...............

Two war triumphers have famouse words. The cold war thriumpher Ronald Reagen's "Trust but verifry" (for the husbands to do secret DNA test after child births.....), Churchill's (with my words) "Be generouse to the loser in the triumph".

"You make me love you even more, then take away my last hope, which I'd been clinging too since that day you came for me. Damn you, Ken."

Thanks for the offering. This was very cruel revenge. I would have liked to hear her explanation for why she was going to let the porn star fuck her. To me, that was the biggest betrayal.

as Cpete was mostly just trying to teach edrider a lesson in authorship; the importance of writing to an audience, and giving them what they want. While certain details in yours ARE "OTT", I would say that is fair, because the original was....well we ALL know how extreme the original was. I think that rescuing Jory was as much about cleansing his OWN soul of demons, as it was about teaching her a lesson, and showing her what was lost. It would have been so easy to leave her addicted to drugs, with STDs, slutting it and spreading it, until her self-destruction was complete. However, as an author, that is the cop out ending. And WRONG for this story, because IF she died that way, she NEVER would have learned her lesson. This way teaches her something, AND makes her a better person. It even more importantly makes HIM a better person. Besides, it is harder to write convincingly, and is more of an exercise for your creative muscles. FTDS, I always have, and STILL appreciate your work! Thanks, and can't wait for the next!

That was worth the 5 I gave it all by itself. LOL

But seriously, Ken is a better man than I would have been in that situation. No way in hell would I have lifted a finger to help a woman who wanted to see me raped. But whatever. So what if the initial revenge was over the top? Great stuff as usual, FTDS.

5 Big Stars!

I found this wordy, repetitious, and ridiculous.

But that last line soured it for me.

Instead of seeing him as loving, kind and forgiving, I ended up seeing a manipulative and cruel man using others as pawns for his vengeance. Instead of wanting Jory to heal, I find he wanted to prolong and intensify the suffering. In one line, he changed from a good man to a sad man and my enjoyment tanked.

I don't focus on BTB endings. I enjoy them when done well. But this complete 360 ending where you reverse the leads visible motivations so casually at the end did not work for me. The whole story seems to be that even a saint is nothing more than a vicious bastard under the skin. Not the way I want to view mankind.

Original story sucked big time. FTDS wrote a very credible ending here. Five stars for sure.

That was by far the best ending to a horrible scenario that you have ever written. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Wow, I have read most of your stories and they are very good, a couple I can say that are excellent. With this chapter you've outdone yourself. *bows*

Loved this one. Another great story FTDS! Especially like the last line. They say that the best revenge is living well; with this in mind, the ending truly put a smile on my face. Thank you.

Until you turned him into a cheat who pissed on his own principles and Deanna into a cheating skank. I'm sorry, but yes - sucking face with another man, getting your ass groped by the same man, and groping his cock IS cheating. What would anyone here say if they caught their wife doing that shit? DIVORCE THE SLUT.

Because cheating isn't just about penetration. And kissing and groping isn't innocent flirtation.

Your story wasn't that over-the-top considering the original, but the fact that you turned the self-righteous fuck into a cheater who used the excuse that it was "just kissing and groping" to justify his actions kind pisses your whole "I'm fixing the story and making it better" down the drain. I mean, it was pretty clear he stepped over the line when he had to lie to the man about what he was doing - Deanna giving him a handjob, then kissing Bonnie while he was fucking Bonnie is just a little "kissing and touching"? She's taking instructions from another man on how to treat her husband in the sack? What's better about a man-whore who doesn't respect another man's marriage after his own has just been shat on?

He's a shit, and she's a slut.

Jory's skankiness speaks for itself.

1 star for Bonnie, who's so damn cute, and a second one for reversing the fucked up original plot, zero stars for making your lead into a backstabbing shit.

The last sentence is the Romantic Revenge golden interest "And I would smile, knowing my revenge was still paying dividends".

Cpete's story "The Postcards" (Cpete wrote the first sequel) shows this well. The ex wife keep reading the second wife's postcards.......

FrancisMacomber's story "Vigilantes" The ex wife got provisory shelter and she had to see the Second wife's success for a while before she goes to her father.

Stangstar06's story "Hindsite" The ex wife got an older new husband but she have to see the new Second wife's success the common baby with her ex.

When the gotten generorosity a Pain in the soul..............

Write your own Damned Story, and let's see what you got. So far you are just a Hack living off of others. You can't even get the Heavy Weights to comment on your work, they won't because they have no Respect for you. Your a Splash in the Pan, that will eventually go away, because you have nothing to offer. You are evidently unable to offer a story you wrote yourself. You will eventually will Fuck Up and you will be removed from the site. I'm waiting on the day. Now go on and play with your Brain Dead followers and reap your rewards. You are nothing to the rest of us, the one's that matter.

and giving extra benefits, case closed, TK U MLJ LV NV

...story filled with sad characters, written by a sad author.

LOVE IT!!!!

Good work

Loved the last line. A final twist of the knife. But I think he really loved her. And regretted their divorce. Although a three-some with Bonnie and Dee sure seemed in the cards for awhile. Thanks for putting a good final touch on a horrific original story.

I like your endings. I like the fact you get the permission of the original writer to write an alternate ending. This is fiction people, geez, almost every story has an alternate ending. This person has a talent for them. Sometimes I think some of you annon reviewers are just a little too critical.

Keep up the good work FTDS. 5*****

I got all choked up and verklempt and stuff.

I can hardly wait for chapter 2 (I might even read the original).

very juvenile to me. The sister that threw herself at him, the young college student that threw herself at him, hell what about mom? She's about the only character that didn't throw herself at him. I gave it 3 stars, that was the best I could do.

I almost stoped reading when he started dating her again. I'm glad I didn't. Some say that living well is the best revenge, but this is that and then some. Great job - an easy 5.

But I have a problem with Ken's anniversary night with Jory. Even with time, after what she pulled, I would not have touched her with a ten foot pole. It's not as if Ken's sexual needs were not being met, so why make love to her? I know it was to take the love away again, but I would find it a real turn off to even touch her again, ever. But that's just me. Lesbo man-hating bitch as well as Mr. Porn Star did get their just desserts, so I can empathize with those aspects of the revenge. Thanks for finishing this story.

Which version will readers prefer? Will they choose the lady or the tiger?

let her die begging to be pissed on,not one female had any value or character in the story,she got off too easy.

An exciting ending of the original story and took only slightly more than one page.

The rest of it, the character's life changes and growth. Their experiences and the

addition of a new player (Bonnie) makes this wholly original and completely your

baby FTDS ! I really enjoyed it very much . The protagonist's revenge was very

realistic and adds to the believable ending. You really wrote two endings, if I don't

read the last sentence.

Your stories are much better reading staying 4 to6 pages in length. But I understand

the need for growth will lead you to another multi-chapter epic .Have at it ,I will read

it, again as

AMerryMan

I liked it up until the very last sentence. Revenge is one thing. Keeping revenge alive is self destructive. Obviously he still hates his ex. But why should he six years later?

He'd already had his revenge...so, the last sentence just cheapened a pretty nice guy and a decent rewrite.

It's a gift that keeps giving....

bill.......10/2=5

wait a second I'm not a nice guy and I liked this, what's wrong with me ? ?

I am amazed to find someone that has such a command of words wasting their time on short stories.Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every.. No, I felt every word.You made me feel their pain and most importantly ,you made me feel their love.Shame on you.Looking forward to reading your books

Hacing read a number of your endings, I feel this is by far the best one! Another comment said it best and I'm surprised you don't write anything else, because you're clearly talented enough for it. Or is this merely a second account while your own stories are posted under another pseudonym?

Anyway, on to the story: the last sentence "knowing my revenge was still paying dividends" threw me for a bit, because the story before that was the complete opposite of what the ending says about the protagonist. His last thoughts of revenge cheapen the thing and that's what I'm a bit sad about. Not every 'loving wives' story that deals with the aftermath of cheating needs to focus on revenge. This is one of those times, because your story is good enough to do without.

While I read through most of the story I felt the best revenge is to live well and he clearly did that, by starting a relationship with a young thing devoted to him and with whom he started a loving partnership and family.

I wanted to give five stars but the last line ruined that for me. He held the high moral ground up to that point.

Great ending though. Your work is appreciated.

Living well is the best revenge.. But it is still revenge, and it still comes with a measure of satisfaction.

I disagree! That made it just perfect for me!

I was half hoping that seeing him happy with his new pregnant wife would drive her back over the edge, maybe even finish her, but knowing that she was going to suffer and pay for the rest of their lives is brilliant!

How she could have thought that her WILLING debasement of herself was in anyway equivalent to her essential homosexual RAPE of her husband defies comprehension!

I will read the next one although I usually don't like different endings and surely hate unfinished stories. I think this man did the best he could and was cool all the way. I like the last sentence, good for him. Thank you for writing.

I expect to not like the next ending as this was really good.

He kept his dignity he has the integrity to do right even when it is the hardest thing to do

Nice

A hell of a story, bad love, true love. It had everything. Highly recommended reading. Thank you, Author.

I really appreciate your effort to make it an interesting story

good job!

Loved that you didn't go nuclear at the wife and treated the players characters as the original. Very well done.

"I thought you wanted it, you just wouldn't admit it. I was sure we'd be fine. You'd enjoy it, it would make us better."

I'm sorry, he kept telling her "No", she acted HER part willingly, never told him about HIS part, then FORCED him under pain of mutilation to participate. She REFUSED to listen when he tried over and over that his browser history didn't reflect his desires.

"And I would smile, knowing my revenge was still paying dividends."

I do think that final statement is kind of mean-spirited, makes me re-think that birthday night as well, that it was just to make the split that much more painful.

If I was her I'd move away so that I wouldn't have to have his happiness rubbed in her face.

I really liked the way you handled the characters and their development. Nice job with a wild and crazy beginning morphing into a reasonable end. Loved that last sentence.

got way to mushy after he rescued her. why bother, she was evil. and there really was no explanation as to what possessed her to do something that evil. but still a good story.

Love the last line!

reaps like tulips. TK U MLJ LV NV

Jory's marriage to Will will fail eventually, for any number of reasons associated with the constant reminder of what she lost and Bonnie gained. Its difficult to contemplate any rational future for Jory since her birthday gift to first hubby was so incredibly irrational. Her most sincere act of atonement would be to simply disappear from his life, but leave whatever wealth she might accumulate before her death in a trust for his and Bonnie's children.

was unnecessarily cruel.

wish mike found out that his wife was willing to be a slut for another man but not for him. Tht bitch was willing to give the other dude a blowjob but not hubby?

ruining a story is not finishing it

Makes the protagonist look like an asshole instead of a good guy. His motivation should be a life well lived not for revenge. And if he truly loved his wife as much as he did then he would be sad that they couldn't be together.

Because that's who the author is. Did like it, not particularly, but that's also why i like FTDS's story's. It's weird...so much love, all over the place. But actions have consequences. I think that's the constant in the stories, All you have to do to get love, it so give love, if you break that / fuck it up...these are the consequences. Wish / Hope you are still writing. I need an ending to Do not pass GO!

Ken turned out to be an asshole. Certifiable.

the exwife was and incredibly stupid self serving cunt, deserved her torture and punishment, and rehabilitation. To expect reconciliation is RAAC over the top. Screwing her within a year is over the top also, still has time to incubate some very nasty things from unprotected sex with drug users.

The comment on his wedding to her, the sex on her birthday, the things like that just seem to piss me off a little about the guy. I agree with most of what he did especially with the older sister 'extramarital sex is a no-no' but the teasing and bring up old wounds thing is not cool.

"I thought you wanted it, you just wouldn't admit it. I was sure we'd be fine.” – How many rapists try this defense? How many succeed? How many husbands are still married using this line after forcing anal sex on their wives?

Deanna with the BJ reminded of the cheating wives who are afraid to give their husbands what they give their lovers, because they’re worried that their husbands will wonder where they learned it. Husbands don’t CARE! If a wife wants to do BJ’s or anal (assuming hubby wants it!) he ain’t gonna complain! If he SHOULD question it, there’s girlfriends, Cosmo, “Fifty Shades of Grey,” etc.

“I want to hate you for taking it away, but I can't.” – HE didn’t take it away YOU threw it away.

This story makes it sounds like he has billion of dallors and 12inch duck and is everyone lust idol. I feel sorry be Mike, wife is cheating on him and the main character things he is doing a good thing.

It is hard to imagine that after spending many months helping his ex wife recover from her destructive behavior, that Ken is still thinking in terms of revenge.

His sacrifices for her recovery clearly show that he still cared for her although they would never be a couple again.

Why couldn't Ken just be satisfied that he helped a very dear friend recover from a horrible decision that destroyed their lives together? Compassion and forgiveness are far more satisfying then revenge. Indeed, his feeling of revenge shows that he still hasn't gotten over his love for her. That in itself is disrespectful of his new marriage and not something he should be carrying around. Dark suppressed emotions are always destructive.

"The best revenge is living well." - Jerry Seinfeld

Ken is living well with the love of his life. Jory gets to see what she could have had, but instead has to live with second best.

"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til its gone." She destroyed her paradise and her life is now a parking lot of what could have been. Hopefully, Joni Mitchell will forgive my abusing her lyrics.

Every one of you guys that think he was cruel have to walk in his shoes: You are 10 SECONDS from either losing your balls or your anal virginity to a 10inch porn stars cock. BECAUSE of your ex. .. Have your stupid"revenge is a dish best served cold" or "revenge is living a good life" but NOTHING beats saving your ex from death and then rubbing her nose in your wonderful life, young bride and kids for the rest of her pitiful

existence while she's with a man she doesn't love and living every day crying about the man she threw away. That my friends is real revenge!

I've read a few 'continuations' of various stories from other authors, but this is the best so far. I've always liked Edrider's stories but can't figure out why. I guess he just writes very interesting stuff that keeps me reading in spite of the content. This author did a real good job with this continuation.

At least until the last line. It sort of ruined the mood for me, although I know a lot of readers liked it. I thought the revenge the hubby did was very well shown without the last line.

five stars, I would have voted more if it was possible.

This is the first story that i have read from this author .. But i plan on reading a lot more

Great story enjoyed

And revenge continues on and on

Thank you for ending this story right. I was getting so worked up by the end of the original I would have punched a hole in the wall! I was so angry Those cunts would try this.

Very nice ending... sad but very nice. Thank-you

Since no comments on original allowed I will comment here. I quit reading the original as soon as talked about sites. I could not face the women in my family by encouraging suchlike. Who needs continued when should not have been an original

Thank you!

For continiouing and ending that disturbing yoyo history.

Jorey has gone through hell and was truly repentant, normally will end up in RAAC. In this case, due to the severity of her actions, friendship was the closest she should expect. Helping her out of purgatory, show what type of man he is and that he still loves her in his own way.

The end was perfect.

I think the guy was an asshat for the reconstructed birthday night.

The best revenge living life well, lovely wife and kids. Every time she sees them all she is reminded of what she lost

5/5

Certainly better than the vile edrider, but still not right!

Let’s list the felonies:

Unlawful restraint

False imprisonment

Assault

Sexual Assault

Attempted rape

Attempted murder (he would have bled out from the castration)

Conspiracy and accessory to all of the above

A clever prosecutor could come up with even more, I’m sure!

None of them would have been eligible for parole for 25 years. I know that it’s fiction, but it’s supposed to be based on the real world, right?!?

ZK

Good job!

4

Not sure if I commented on this before, but this is such a great ending, such a true ending to such a horrible, disturbing setup. Not that the setup was badly written, but it was disturbing. It bothered me for a long time, until I found this ending. This is at least my second time of reading this, and it's just as good as it was the first time around.

Damn, I gave it 5 BIG ASS STARS but that was cruel. Why couldn't he just let it go and not give her that last night. He talked to Her as he wanted her to know that it was her added punishment before he finally abandoned Jory for the last time and your last words, "And I would smile, knowing my revenge was still paying dividends." I couldn't help feeling so sad for her. Fuck you are good at this writing shit, lol. Thank you! Excellent story.

Honestly, the slutty sister-in-law thing grossed me out so much I skimmed the rest of the story. Like, even if she was a slut and offering to blow him or fuck him or whatever for her sisters sake, their carrying on after that was disgusting.

Ken's definitely an asshole.. Still thinking of revenge feels like an insult to Bonnie. Like he just married her to spite Jory. Also, with what he's doing with the sister and cheating on her husband.. and saying he's teaching her so she can blow her husband. he's just as bad.. fucking lunatic

1 star