All Comments on 'You and Me'

A highly fantasized version of anal sex... I suggest you experience it for yourself, and then redraft this chapter. Or just rewrite it so that the first person POV isn't also trying to give the second person POV. Interesting opening, and pretty good grammar. My critique is not on the technicalities- you're a decent writer- but more one of style and realism. But this is all fiction, so if you were after an unrealistic fantasy then it mostly works. I still think the POV omniscience should be redone as either 3rd person, or split between the two characters. The internal monologue narration loses credibility when the narrator starts doing it for another person. This isn't a flame- just an honest critique. The story has potential to be a powerful first chapter.

I love it! This was one of the best stories I have ever read!! I can't wait to read more! Thanks for posting! <3

Don't listen to the dude who thinks he is some kind of erotic literature genius.....great story, great fantasy, great read.

This story has a lot of potential, but I agree that trying to mix first and second person just gets confusing and ruins immersion... and that the anal sex part made me cringe. That is not at all how it works, especially for women, since we have no prostates that could possibly make incredibly unprepared, rough anal sex have a pleasurable side strong enough to induce orgasm. (Also, the extreme squirting is far more hilarious than sexy.)

Please continue!!! I'm not into being dominated and no consent but this turned me the hell on!!!! Again, please continue!!!!!!