All Comments on 'Youth & Experience'

I have up reading this story because of the errors. The sheer volume of them were just way too distracting. You need an editor.

I liked this a lot Newwriter & I hope to see the next chapter of this story soon. I must say, that unlike Larry74403, I didn't find the errors distracting, although it's always good to get ones writing proof read if not fully edited.

On that subject Larry74403, given this, "I HAVE up reading this story because of the errors. The sheer volume of them were just way too distracting. You need an editor", It would appear that one would be wise to follow ones own advice (people wot live in glasshouses shouldn't chuck bricks).

I have it five stars on the content of the story but you had a lot of typo's in it and would flow a lot better if you I had them fixed. Thank you for the good read.

Decent story, but way too many grammar and other problems to give it a 5. I did read it through - missing words, incorrect pronouns and correctly spelled but wrong word errors all over the place. Other problems such as badly phrased passages that would have been easily caught if you carefully read it through after leaving it for a few days also abound. Altogether they break the flow and make the intended story hard to follow.

Too many typos. You even called her Sara instead of Sam at one point. Amateur.

Your imagination is not the issue. You can come up with a decent idea for a story. Writing, that's the issue. Not catching errors and mistakes that lots (and lots) of people are pointing out to you. Missing one or two minor errors is one thing. Your story is chock full of mistakes. Mistakes that another set of eyes might have caught. And there we are, having gone full circle, back to the fact that you need (you really, really need) an editor. Don't you wonder why your stories don't get better scores?

larry-the-a**hole wrote, "I have up reading this story because of the errors. The sheer volume of them were just way too distracting. You need an editor." I presume you meant you GAVE up. And in your second sentence the subject & predicate don't agree: "volume WAS" (not "volume were"). (In case you're still confused, "of them" is a prepositional phrase and not the subject.) It's undeniable that Newwriter needed a whole lot of proof-reading and some editing. The story, however, was fundamentally pretty good: a plausible plot, good character development, realistic reactions to a crisis situation. And the sex scenes were credible---not the 12-inch-schlong and 25-climax-orgies that destroy so much of the fiction on this site.

If this story had been written well, I would have given it a 5. It's grammar and spelling though, are only worth a 1. That seems to be the unanimous opinion from all your readers. You can fix this yourself, but if you really can't see the problems, someone else will be happy to point them out and give you suggestions. Speaking as a young woman, and a Literotica writer myself, I can only give a 3 to what should have been higher.

It was a good short story and could merrit a second chapter but quite a few typos so next time revise your story and read it through once or twice

I do admit to being disheartened by the feedback to this story. I have never worked harder on any story on this site before this one, and when I read all your comments, I was pretty upset. I at least thought you guys would like the characters and story, and thankfully, those elements were well-received, but my grammar has always been a issue. And although I have tried to fix that problem in my other stories, it still remains a problem, and now, it has tainted what I believe to my best story on the site.

So, this is me asking for help. I need a editor. I want to be a writer, but I really don't see that many problems. At least, not all the problems you guys are seeing. So, if you guys could recommend to me a editor, I would really appreciate it. I want to keep writing, especially about these characters.

I have tried to get a editor before, but that person never sent me a e-mail to confirm he would help me, and I have been reluctant to ask for help ever since. I hope to keep getting better not only for my benefit, but for your entertainment value as well.

I hope this isn't message isn't too long. I had a lot to say, and I hope this isn't too long- winded or boring. Thanks for your time and patience with me.

excellent story, well thought out, good story line, would like to see another story on the continuation. Do not worry about the typo's we are not all perfect, ten out of 10 for your story

I loved the story, it had me racing through to see where it was leading and once I was going any typo's etc went unnoticed until I reached the end. My interest is not to comment on peoples mistakes anyway - I am not in the punctuation police etc - just give an opinion on what the story did for me if I did find it enjoyable as I did here. This is a far more mature father/daughter storyline than usual which made a change from either the daughter is a slut or tender virgin storylines we are normally treated to. My only problem is that it finished too soon and too abruptly and I hope you will take the characters futher into a fullfilling relationship once the daughter has found her own feet so to speak. Please carry on writing as it seems you are able to think in different directions to many writers on this site.

Your grammar is atrocious; I spent so much time correcting and reconstructing in my head what I thought you were trying to say that I started to lose the will to live. Spell-check is not all-knowing; if you have no idea about grammar (as you clearly don't), it's not going to miraculously correct and re-present it for you; as this stands, it reads like it was proof-read by your 12 year-old sister with ADHD after she chugged a fifth of Jack D. You need to get a real editor, someone who's not going to give you an easy ride because they're e friend of yours, in fact, get two; one to correct and audit your grammar and spelling, and another to sanity-check your story, because that wasn't so hot either. I gave it one star, because this is a terrible waste of your time and the 5 minutes of my life it took to read in the hope it would somehow miraculously improve before I gave up.

NewWriter2012.. i just love this, m names Jessica ******* and im a 17 year old hih.. i had the same experience with my dad and it just got me so deep.... and im not just talking about the story ;) Anyway your grammer may be a bit off but it made me feel like you wrote it like you fucked your daughters cunt while writing this.

Well done!

I enjoyed the story very much.

There are always going to be people out there who will criticize grammar and spelling. This is the internet. Brush it off and keep doing what you love. :)

It was okay. You might want to have someone go through and proof read though. It also felt kind of rushed and put together, it didn't seem to flow well

Oh HELL NO!! The wife and the son-in-law would be fucking dead. D.e.a.d. Cheat on me AND hurt my little girl at the same time?! ....and you both have the nerve to calmly explain it all to me while he has his dick in you instead of trying to fix the problem when it started?

...just thought I'd tell you two that you should have both kept it hidden and just filed for divorce instead of pulling this shit, because now everyones just going to think you two cleaned out our bank accounts and ran off to mexico. ...I'll move the money to your mexican bank account in a bit. Oh, but you two won't make it, sad to day. Y'all are going in the cement mixer down at the construction site that I'm working tonight, just think, you two can be the cornerstone for the new superstore and be together forever! Hell, it'll take longer to gather up all of yalls clothes and dump them in a goodwill box in the next town than it will to get rid of you two.

....but maybe thats too complicated. Yeah. I came home and caught my son, he had choked my wife to death and was fucking her dead body. I caved his head in with a baseball bat and tried to give cpr, but it was too late!

......on with the story!

....at the airport. Wups, dad already turning into a wussy assed pussy! Pulling his hips away and acting all offended when she calls him on his woodie! Hope it doesnt continue like that, hate when the brother/father is written like that:/. ...qnd hell, unless he's wearing slacks and either boxers or commando, theres no way she would feel anything anyway!

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"It doesn't mean you want to fuck me, does it?"

I shook my head.

@@ lying SOB!! @@

She smiled. "Good. Although to be fair, if you weren't my father..."

My dropped jaw as my daughter playfully smiled at me.

----------

Sam seemed to like the attention and began swaying her hips more provocative at the other guys. It unintentionally got my attention and the familiar sensation in my groin began to start again. What the fuck was wrong with me. This was my daughter, and yet, I was lusting for her as I did for her mother more than 20 years earlier.

@@ umm.. You're secretly getting wood for your hottie daughter and occasionally wondering what it would be like to fuck her, just like every other dad on the planet has done from time to time, though they would rather shoot themselves than admit it, heh. @@

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Woah!!! We go from pussy dad to dad naked on his daughters bed jamming his fingers in her in like ten paragraphs, rofl!!

....but the spelling, word and phrasing errors! Omfg!! How fucking hard is it to proof your work before you submit it? Yeesh!

....a lot of repeated words too.

"" Her right hand went further and further down until she engulfed my cock with it, and began stroking up as erratically as she could. ""

...why would you want to stroke erratically? Lol.

....i mean, check out this cluster-fuck of the english language;

"" I knew she about to cum, and when she did, it was glorious. She looked so much better than her mother cumming. Her mother gasped and sighed. Sam sighed, groaned, gasped, yelled and screamed at the pleasure. I had never seen anymore else cum like that. I was glorious. ""

.....damn. Dude, hire a fourth grader to proof for you!

"" She had nine orgasms before the wave had stopped. ""

...nine? Oh come ON!

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"" She smiled at me, "Why, dad? You want to fuck me now?"

I shrugged my shoulders. When I was eating her out, I want to fuck her bad. But now, when we had a moment to breathe, I was having second thoughts.

She chuckled at me. "Let me think about it, dad. It is a big step, dad. I will need some time to think, okay?" ""

@@ ok, bullshit-o-meter just went off the scale! He was having second thoughts? That is total crap! He would have jumped right in! ...and her? If he really just gave her NINE orgasms she would be dragging that dick into her pussy by the balls!! Think about it my ass! @@

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"" "Oh, yeah. Fuck my pussy hard. Make it raw, daddy. Spank my ass. Ooh! Ooh! Love it daddy,!"

"Oh, I love your hot fucking cunt. So fucking tight." ""

@@. So what was all that shit about her husband saying she didnt like to fuck and her saying she prefered to make love? Uh, really? ....cause it looks to me like.... @@

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""

"Well, after I divorce Stanley, it will just me on my own. I need to learn to be on my own. Just for a while until I get on my feet. I have to get a house and a job. I need to do this myself. Because of that, we can't see each other sexually for a while."

I nod, but the news is hard to take. "Baby, we just started all this."

"Dad, we have the entire week. Don't worry. I just can't be around you when we get back. Too much of a distraction."

"You just could live with me."

She shook her head.

"I have to learn to be independent. I spent 18 years depending on you and mom and then 8 with Stanley. I have never been on my own. We owe it to ourselves to give me the opportunity to allow me to try." ""

@@ umm, she better live with dad, for a while at least. She has a rude awakening if she thinks just now getting her first job after all those years out of highschool is going to be a cakewalk. Job hunting should be fun! ....and what does being independent have to do with not fucking? Lol. @@

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It only takes 2 hours to fly from Detroit to Miami. Couldn't believe anything after you said it was 4plus hours from Philly. You need a proof reader real bad.

Good story spoilt be no proof reading. I can understand, stories from authors whose 1st language is not English making, mistakes with spelling. But I find it to be criminal that, authors whose 1st language is English make mistakes, & don't bother to get their stories, prof read before summiting for publication.

""

You fucking..."

"What? Say it, Jake. What am I?"

""

You fucking cheating ass, white trash slut! You worthless scab on the ass of humanity!

""

"I just don't understand, Daddy. Why is fucking Mom?"

""

Honey, he said he just got sick and tired of listening to you talk and leaving words out of your sentences.

""

she was naked as the day she was born, and she was fingering her pussy as erratic as possible.

I couldn't believe what I was saying. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't.

""

...what were you saying?? Hehehe.

""

Sam's eyes shot open and she gasped. When she saw meet, her expression relaxed and she smiled.

""

Who did she meet?? Ooh, she saw meat and relaxed and smiled? All girls should like meat! (This one was just too good to pass up, hehehe!;)

""

I nodded. "Have you only see his cock?"

""

I'm sure she saw his cock, they are married ya know! Ooh, did you mean sea cock? Are we going sailing?? They are down by the water! Hehe!

""

Her right hand went further and further down until she engulfed my cock with it, and began stroking up as erratically as she could.

""

She *wanted* to stroke him erratically?? I guess you have to work at it to do it erratically instead of a normal pace. Ooh, maybe you meant stroke him erotically! Hmm, maybe an erratic stroke IS erotic!! ;)

""

I had never seen anymore else cum like that. I was glorious.

""

One hand typing? Drunk autocorrect?? Anymore Else is an awfully funny name for a guy, don't you think? ....and as for I, what base is he on?? Bwuhahaha! ;)

""

As she came back down, her eyes found mine and she reached up and kissed me, not even caring if my juices were on my tongue.

""

W wwwwhaaaaat?? He was jacking off and eating his own cum while he was going down on her?? Ewww!! ;)

""

still want to be your father, but I also really want to fuck your brains out.

""

I think that is my favorite line in the whole, awesome story!! :). Go dad!!

""

I pounded her cunt a few more times until I felt her cunt squeeze like a vise on my cock, and she came with an total of eleven orgasms for my viewing pleasure.

""

Eleven. Times. Where is this woman so I can kidnap her and strand both of us on a deserted island?!? Lol! I'd be thrilled if my wife could cum at all from just fucking. :(

""

Dad, we have the entire week. Don't worry. I just can't be around you when we get back. Too much of a distraction.

""

Aww, poor daddy! From the barren plains to paradise, then back to the cracked, dry earth! Hehe.

WELL, that was spectacularly awesome!!! All my word error fun aside, that was a really great story! Thanks again for writing it!

But you need a proofreader BAD!

Keep going the story just got startesd.

I mean the ending sucked like bad to just leave it unless it eas a cliff hanger and I would get someone to help with the writing missing words and such but other than that you have the making of a great writer I would love to read more

Well? So what happens now? Would like to read where Stanly ant the wife get theirs. Oh yeah, like the other comments suggest, get yourself a good proof reader :-) . . . .