by Honey123
At least we didn't have to wait long for the towel to drop! Consider moving this over to the erotic coupling category it would do better over there I am sure!
it didnt seem real enough. With such intense feelings for each other, surely it would of been more passionate then dirty?
The language used was not very good. Going from past tense into present tense many times during the story.
Better luck next time!!
Two people stumbling, bumbling together. That is reality. Their passions and hungers overwhelm romance, for now. First they satisfy their desire for one another. I enjoy reading this author.
...I had to downgrade a bit because of the shifting between present and past tenses. Please pick a tense and stick with it. Otherwise, well done. Do keep writing.
Cheers,
Lalenya :^)
too bad about the tense shift.....but that doesn't take away from the eroticism or emotional thrust of the story. Very much worth reading!