by deathlynx
u needed to cut down on all of the fucking facts. and just use slang, not so formal vocabulary. dont explain bout athena, just lead to the activity.
Don't listen to the other commentator, I loved all the details! Such a hot story.
A truly well written piece! Proper speech and grammar should be praised, not scorned. Unlike that other commenter, I enjoyed the facts about Athena and feel that they expound on Athena's motives really well. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
And to the commenter who said "...not so formal vocabulary.": Athena is the goddess of wisdom/intelligence, dumbass.