by JimBob44
Well written, though yes it did wander a bit. You pulled everything together in plenty of time to bring it to a concise ending
While you may recognize all these things about your writing, you certainly have the opportunity that you could have made this a much more pleasant story to read and enjoy. Not talking about being "Kum ba yah" but your MC didn't have to be an asshole even when he was supposedly enjoying whatever. Why is your main character such a dickhead? Hope this isn't your internal psyche spilling, if so, pretty sad. Nobody should live all the time lke that. And it certainly doesn't provide interest to read further your gift of writing. Comes across as the Grinch.
Much better than the first chapter. Nicely done. A follow up with the family would be nice.
Great story, I like the way is flowed and had just enough suspense in it to keep me interested.
I would love for this to continue, like 5 or 10 years from when the story took place. One thing that that should've taken place, is that Clay should have confronted his dad and Candy sometime before they died, then continue it from his dad was complaining about the air conditioner.
I just don't see it working; he's just way too much of an asshole. Fuck the people that blow smoke up the author's ass telling him it's good. It's not.
Loved the story. I wish you would reconsider continuing this story. Anyway, thanks for writing
Glad to see things finally come, no pun intended, together for the three of them. Didn't see where Clay and Colleen got married, maybe I just missed it. Seeing that they were never adopted by Clay's father, there's no way they are related so he could have married one and kept fucking both of them. Only thing I disagreed with was the way Clay took Coleen virgin ass. Didn't seem like there was much love in that. Still gave it a five though.
FORGET THE NAY SAYERS. THIS WAS A VERY GOOD STORY AND FUN TO READ. IT WAS ALSO MY SECOND GO AT IT AND STILL FOUND IT ENJOYABLE. PLEASE EXPAND ON THE STORY. I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW THE TRIO HAS WORKED OUT THEIR FUTURE TOGETHER.
I thorougly enjoyed this story and if you ever decide to expand on it feel free because I will DEFINITELY jump on it .
Great story…. Although I was anxiously waiting for him to get his other sister pregnant too.
To hell with the people that bitch on you. was a good story and the possibilties are endless. Keep going as you wish. Biscuit Hammer is another good story teller. I have one I would like to try, but not sure.
Very entertaining story! I didn’t mind the minor grammatical issues at all, and I’m a tight assed editor type. Anybody who bitches about your stories should be sent the big jug of the anal desensitizing cream…
Absolutely fantastic!! I didn't want this one to end. The plot, character development, everything was perfect. Thank you, JimBob44!!!
very interesting story loved how bad feelings turned into very good feelings and love
Piss on your detractors!!!!!! Ok, your stories do jump around some, but dammit, I LIKE YOUR STORY!!!!
WRITE ON!!
I loved it. You are a good writer. I am now going to read more of your stories
If you don't care about readers' comments, why allow comments? If you write only for your own enjoyment, why post?
FWIW (nothing, apparently) I enjoyed this series.
It was a well paced story. Some might find it hard to follow but pity on them. The story had a heart and showed some real emotion.
Well done, Really enjoyed this one. Wish we saw a bit more of their lives together.
I really don't pay attention to others negative comments. I rarely leave comments, but I will say I truly enjoyed this story. WELL DONE
A great story. Loved the interaction of the well developed characters. Thanks!
I have now read this story at least four times and it never gets old.
Would love to see at least one more chapter
Excellent job of spanning the years from anger and ill will to finally find happiness and fulfillment. Well told story that I heartily award 5*
JB - read all your "core" LW stories and now starting on the Incest genre (depending which way they go since I don' "do" father/daughter). This series was really well done. I only wish we would have had the privilege of the "rest of the story". 5*
Hell, I gave you five stars just for your disclaimers! ;) The story is pretty good too.
I have to say I loved this story it made me laugh and cry (a little) other all the right elements for a great story which it is
THIS IS A VERY GOOD STORY, BUT I THOUGHT YOU RUSHED IT AT THE END. WHAT HAPPENED WITH GINGER SUSPECTING THE TRIOS RELATIONSHIP? WHAT HAPPENED TO COLLETTE? DOES SHE BECOME THE TEACHER SHE WANTS TO BE? OR DOES JEALOUSY GET IN THE WAY OF THE SISTERS LOVE FOR EACH OTHER, AND CLAY? A 5 *** STORY ANYWAY.
Enjoyed the story, the way the story started off kind of the me for a minute, then I realized it was in more of a novel format. The ending came quicker than I thought, not sure what I was expecting... No complications and a happy ending though, so I'm happy with that! :)
Didn't get her comment about anal being messy, no more than regular sex, still have to go sit on the pot afterwards, unless you just want to walk around all day with your guys stuff in you ;)
I loved your last comment so much I wet myself I was laughing so hard!! Coughing too! I loved the story, but I want more. Please keep writing, I’ll keep reading!!
I am a sucker for a romantic happy ending. Loved this story. The writing is easy to follow. There could have been more secondary character development but overall the story was a very pleasant read. Thanks.
4 stars only give 5 rarely has to be exceptionally written and sorry ending I consider good
Good story. I enjoyed the build up, it gave the reader a chance to get into the mindset of the characters.
I'm baffled by the amount of votes and likes for this. Compared to so many others this story is incredibly dull, and the writing is very unnatural.
Still one of the best stories I've read on here, even if it's the fourth time I've read it.
A very enjoyable read, I thought he was awfully hard on the girls, especially as they were so young.
You've put yourself down enough, in jest I hope, with your afterword. Lovely story, very happy he was able to move past the resentment Candy fostered in him.
Its a longer story, but that lets it actually be a story, and not just a quick fuck fest. I vastly prefer being able to enjoy a good piece of writing. Only thing I'm really hoping is that Collette has a conversation when (and hopefully not if) she thinks to go through with her thoughts.
I just can’t help myself here.
As an aficionado of distilled spirits, I have one question: How can you make a top notch whiskey without aging it for a MINIMUM of two years? Even bargain basement Jim Beam ages for four years, and finer whiskeys age for at least eight. (If you want a taste treat try Elijah Craig’s 23 year Bourbon.)
But, other than that, a wonderful tale!
JUST A GREAT STORYLINE. I WISH HE WOULD HAVE CONTINUED TO ENLIGHTEN US OF ANY TROUBLE FROM GINGER, HOW COLLETTE BECOMES A TEACHER OR NOT, AND HOW COLLEEN LOVES BEING A MOTHER. BUT HEY, BRAVO!
As you put at the end there mistakes but again to a not very observant person they wouldn't notice such as a she instaed of a he in part 1.
Other than that a very enjoyable read,well done and keep it up.
Ive been reading alot of the stories on here over the past few years .. this series has got to be one of the best I've read . Jumped around alot , but once you got the jist of what was happening it all made sense. I just wish there was more .. a couple more chapter wouldn't hurt would it ?????
Thanks for a nice gentle read. Loved the characters and the story line. Thank god for forgiveness!!
Just re-read this story and would love a continuation to it there's still some much to be said.
I have been reading a lot of stories on this web site. This has to be the most revealing and enticing story I have read up to date. All I can say is that you have a true gift for this type of writing, and I hope you continue to do this. All my love and friendship.
What I like very much on your writing style is that it feels like a real Story told from a good friend...
It doesn‘t need to be „Perfect“ behause it‘s a tale told by a friend.
Written from people to be read by people and not by writing experts with a degree in literature.
So please don‘t you Listen to all that „Holier than Thou“ attitude claiming shit.
And keep on developing your Stories.
Remember: They‘re YOURS ! And you‘re so friendly, sharing them with US.
If I was invited to a dinner at a friends house I wouldn‘t complain that he - or she - is not a professional Chef. If it‘s cooked with love it‘s a Subjekt of apreciation and perfect to me.
The Rest of all the critics can tell me that the only eat in Restaurants listet by the Guide Michelin...
... Thank you for your great work !
Alatah
Sorry but I think you should continue with this story. Because their life need to be longer
Amazing read. I don't read these stories for the sex. I love finding the Authors who know how to weave a good tail. This was one of the best I've found on this site.
Read this 4 times, great story, would like it to continue, lot more story left. Especially, with the new arrival and the future of Collette.
Hey i read the whole thing it was for my opinion very appealing in the growth of the emotions just needs more seasoning you got the story.
The story was well laid out. I felt the characters were strong and clearly identified. The sex was moulded into the story very well, think it needed another few chapters to finish story though. Solid 4* from me.
I read both parts back to back and enjoyed them. Sure you could use and editor and the relationship between Toni and Anita etc was not clear to me, also it seems to be in the wrong category. You can always get a proofreader to catch mistakes. Also write stories about Anita and Toni maybe?
I don't know what you were drinking when you wrote those comment at the end of the story, it must have been some really bad hooch.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your tale and while there may be better stories around, there are certainly hundreds of worse ones. Keep on writing for our mutual pleasure.
Real people, real situations, real heartache, real love. Believable characters and a wonderful story. Thanks for the ride!
Love it, ended too soonA
this for an article I am writing, but I offer you the right to say no. Just send me an email.
The final disclaimer is by far the very best disclaimer I have ever read on this site!!!!
Really good job. I liked the storyline and really enjoyed that it had a fun plot.
It was initially a bit confusing to make the needed connection, but once then connections were made clear it was enjoyable. What I liked best was there was no one submitting to the oppressive sexual intimidation of others. Every one participating in activities wanted to be where they were and they enjoyed the experience.
Thankyou, i really enjoyed this story. The buildup and delivery was very well done. Though this story could have had more chapters.
This is the second time I've read this series. I would love to read an epilogue or 3rd chapter.
Thoroughly enjoyable read that doesn't. "Need " an editor. Isn't "too long" considering the story development. Doesn't "jump around " too much considering the number of character's and the catagory is exactly where you the author want it to be. Keep up the enjoyable writing
You could drag another chapter out of the story, but it is excellent the way it is. A 3rd chapter would be like the remake of Ghostbusters: Yeah it got done but what a waste of time.
Thank you for writing this great little story, I really enjoyed it. Never mind the critics, let them do better if they can. It is YOUR story, write it as you like it. You made it come out right when he softened toward the girls, fault lay with someone else.
I thoroughly enjoyed both parts. Those negative commenters are wrong, but let's see them write a GOOD EROTIC STORY!!! I agree with other positive commenters, DON'T CHANGE A THING. I had no trouble following the characters, plot, or overall writing.
WELL DONE!! 5* Would like to make it 10*, but Lits' Rules.
You don't need disclaimers for this story. I find it very well done. Congratulations on a fine piece of work.
got a good chuckle out of your post script
You forgot to include the ASSNomouse critics
I was lost for a bit when the plot shifted, that's ok, Its your story
I have a few quibbles, but it your story
AND I damn well like it
Well JimBob44 I don't think any of the complaints written above are applicable. You must know that in reality a good story is essential to any quality writing, and that people will, driven by their own emotions, intelligence [Or lack thereof.] will drive their comments. Some come here looking for and liking dime-store smut, others, like I, are interested in a serious story.
Great work.
Would've liked this to be a series. But what you've done is damn good.
If it truly is the end. I agree that there is seed for several more parts to this most enjoyable story. Please consider continuation. Whatever you post next, I'm sure will be well worth reading, but many of us feel there's more to 101 in the shade. Five well earned stars. Thank you.
Robert
Yes it had a long build up but everything was brought together in the end.
The only thing I would suggest, is when you switch from one scene to another, put a break or marker between the paragraphs so we can see there is a change, otherwise it is difficult to realise you've swapped across.
Other than that, I think you write a pretty good story !
I really enjoyed this story and encourage you to write more like it. Well thought out and a great angle.
Don't let any critics get to you, JimBob. Your writing flows smoothly, and your characters are well developed. We care what happens to these people in future installments. I particularly like the Cajun setting.
I don't know if you read the comments that people leave, but I'd rather post here than to bother you with a PM.
I really thing that you have enough loose ends and material to make at least two more posts. Ginger has a lot of potential as a 'stalker' or 'trouble-maker'. Perhaps add her to his 'harem'. Plus I would like to see him marry both of the girls. Ok, one... the other would have to be his 'secret' wife. I think there is potential for him to 'come to the rescue' of one or both of the girls to 'save' them from unwanted attention for stalker-ish person(s).....
Thanks for writhing these stories. :)