All Comments on 'A Cheating Wife's Disclosures Ch. 03'
by Krystal0690
- 19 Comments
francis_toliverover 9 years agoGlad I'm not married to you.
O.K. now on to some constructive criticism (assuming you want this as a writer).
For a story to be successful, almost invariably the protagonist needs to be sympathetic. The reader needs to be able to identify with and root for the protagonist. There are rare exceptions; stories where the protagonist starts of as a cur and becomes sympathetic (Disney's movie-The great and powerful Oz is an example). The danger of these stories is that the reader/viewer spends so much time disliking the protagonist that by the time the character changes it is to late to save the story.
Your story's point of view character is so unsympathetic, so unlikable that the story itself fails. The contempt she shows her husband, the harsh selfishness and the lack of stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for her life (if she is so unhappy in her marriage the correct and courageous course is to divorce and strike out on her own) makes the reader view her as a villain regardless of how bad a husband she has.
Of course, in the end reading about the bad behavior of a unsympathetic character makes for an unpleasant (at best) read.
In many ways she is rather a caricature. Why stay? What is so fearful for her that she wont leave an unhappy marriage? What is it in her past that has made her so dishonest and selfish? Dishonesty and selfishness don't come from nowhere, they are coping skills learned in childhood. A little depth to her character, to understanding why she is how she is (even if she herself is to shallow for self-reflection, you as her creator ought not to be) might bring out more sympathy from your readers.
Anonymousover 9 years agoShe sounds like an angry person. It would be better if she was single, unless she gets off the thrill of cheating. Otherwise , she should divorce and move on. Maybe she is angry because she settled. Over 30% of people that marry get settle, fear of being alone. She is lashing out because she probably wants to leave, but she figures her husband should know that. She probably has bad communication skills.
Anonymousover 9 years agoStory sucks , worse betrayal story ever. No conscious or care for others . # 1 Also writing sucks.
Anonymousover 9 years agoIf you have no respect for yourself, how do you expect others to respect you? Throw in your over the top attempts to paint your husband in the most negative light possible shows your desperation to justify the inexcusable. This isn't erotic, this is just sad.
Anonymousover 9 years agowar make men crazy.cheating wives and lovers are killed.
Anonymousover 9 years agoPretty hot sex, but I wonder why she had the 2nd child by this man. Also, why does she not end her toxic relationship with her husband. I suppose that she just lets things happen in a careless approach to life. Interesting story.
Anonymousover 9 years agowrites to piss people off and after reading the comments she is doing a good job so grow the fuck you idiots.
Lickideesplitover 9 years agoGreat advice given. Too late to apply it in THIS effort. Assuming this is not a solitary tale out of an author's otherwise limited experience, it will be critical advice to take in subsequent offerings!
Anonymousover 9 years agoNo star. Kill the wife, the story and thoughts of the no answers writer.
Anonymousover 9 years agoReminds me of some of the patter in the old Mickey Spillane novels.
"All skanked up". Cute phrasing,
You're good at dialogue. It's your strength.
Anonymousover 9 years agox_witless are you for real? You strike me as a cucky. You should feel in heaven these days, since loving wives has turned into cuckerotica.
MitchFraellover 9 years agoA story about a cheating wife and what she does. The writing describes that well. You do not have to like the character to read about her actions. For who have not understood that, do not confuse the message with the messenger.
Anonymousover 9 years agoI love it when a girl cheats and I find out I'm not the first she had sex with that day. Going down can be so much fun and full of surprises. I hope more girls get adventurous:)
