All Comments on 'A Closet View'

A flash story, but it has some issues: 1st - We don't know nothing about this couple...are they in a open marriage? Is this their first time doing something like this? 2nd - Is this friend married or single? 3rd - Would he like to come home and find his wife in bed with a male friend instead of a woman? However a good fantasy at least...3*

An example: Sandie says Mark would be so jealous if he knew I was doing this. You can't tell him Christina screams!

You have to learn how to write dialogue if you want to post stories. There's no getting around it.

why post this garbage?

Why are they doing what they're doing? It was Sunday and his wife didn't think he might get home early? Sounds like the women planned this. Certainly didn't seem surprised by his "appearance" in the closet. Maybe better off in Lesbian? Or Erotic Couplings? What kind of special idiot tries to hide in the closet? Most closet doors are solid and you can't see through them. And you had him be okay with his wife cheating on their marriage. That's what was happening. Maybe girlfriend has a nasty disease? Too many unanswered questions in this to make for a fun or entertaining read.

1 star.

he got a short sucking of his cock

he got short sucking of her nipple

Nothing worth really talking about (20 words in fact)

So he hardly did anything

Wifey did have full sex with her.

This 'happened' way to easily to be just spontaneous, must have been common with them. Could this be the way to throw dumbass hubby a bone while getting her fun in?

ps. If HDK gives advise LISTEN AND FOLLOW few are lucky enough to get it.

Please go take a course of high school English 1. You obviously either didn't learn anything, or didn't take it, or forgot it, or are too unintelligent to care. But, it was a crappy story anyways, so don't bother.

My favorite is that her tits were brunette and British.

Please, if you're going to write any more stories, use an editor.

Perhaps your pen name says it all. You are posting in an area that is inhabited by more than a few excellent writers. Study and learn from them before throwing a piece of raw meat into a group of hungry predators.

You need help. All we know is you're over eighteen and live in California. We need more information, real information. How do we readers get that information? We look at your favorites list. You don't have any favorites.

Before you write another word, especially if you intend to post on the Loving Wives genre, here's what you need to do. Read other stories. You got a comment from Hard Day's Knight; what a great place to start. Go to HDK and the first thing you should read is "If I Fell". Then read "Yesterday". You name it from there. Slip over to Ohio and read "Scenes From a Marriage". Once you get into Ohio it's really hard to leave. Slide down to Troubadour and read "How High a Price". Jump over to Francis MacComber and read "Funny You Should Ask". Check out Rehnquist. Find Daniel Q. Steele and read "When We Were Married". Grab the Unoriginalist's story "A Boiler Plate Rendering". Find Oshaw. Check out the Hall of Fame. Not enough? Read some Matt Moreau, Huedog, Stang Star. Before you tap another letter on your keyboard find out what the 'real writers' have done. God I feel bad. I missed a dozen others, Nici, Patricia51, Josephus, KK, Agena. Agena! How about "A Joke"? Oh God I missed the king Just Plain Bob! If you haven't been to the Landing Strip you haven't been anywhere.

Read and read and read. You'll get heart felt tragedy, humor, sarcasm, and some just good old fashioned fun. Did I forget Slir Puff? Oh yeah!

Name the stuff you like, then we'll know who you are. Then we'll know what to say. We'll know how to offer positive feedback.

This is not intended to be a criticism so don't get defensive.

Respectfully,

Jedd Clampett

p.s. Alas, remember there's a lot of cum slurping, cuckold loving, wimpy self flagellating bullshit in LW. The writers I've listed are for real. I'm sorry I left so many out. Check MY favorites list!

Jedd

To add to this, quotation marks are NOT optional.

Add another writer to Carvohi's list! CARVOHI!!!

After several years of reading and learning, do TWO things ... Write another (but different) story and CHANGE your handle (nom de plume!)

Wow... "then out of know where"? WTF? LOL!

....paper is not how you convey thoughts rather you have to add punctuation and do a decent job of spelling and use grammar that follows some rules for your intent to reach your audience.

I hope you'll try again, and rally some help with the editing. You will find more effort goes into editing than into the original writing. Not willing to go that far? Then best not contribute again.....because you will get a lot of negative comments and complaints about how difficult it is to make sense of your story. And if you care so little for your story, why would expect your audience to care at all?

1 star, because this sounded like a phone call between two excited teenage girls, NOT a story to be read and enjoyed.

Thank you for taking the risk.

Thanks for sharing.

This story is nothing more than a sixth grade boy's wet dream

fantasy. And it's written on a sixth grade level as well. Oh well,

better luck next time.

1.0 stars.

poorly written, no character development at all, 6th graders wet dream

This happened a few months ago.

I had gotten up on a Sunday morning and had some running around to do, my wife Sandie said she was going to stay at the house because her friend Christina was coming over''''''' Sandie just licking away at her pussy for a good twenty minutes , 'then out of know where Sandie stands up and straps on a large 9" inch strap-on cock shaped dildo with a big mushroom-shaped head then jumps on the bed and mounts Christina and begins to fuck her'... OK this is not making a lot of sense. Did she tell her husband about the lesbian hookup or was he watching for the first time? I had given it 5*, but now I realize, after re-reading it I should have given but a 2* . """" One day a few months ago when I left Sandie home alone to run some errors. She told me later that after I had left Christina showed up in sweats, t-shirt and no bra, she said she just gotten up and was unable to take a bath due to no hot water, probably the water heater was acting up.

Anonymousabout 5 years ago

re: Punctuation!

To add to this, quotation marks are NOT optional.

yeah.....nope.

No stars, no, not one!

Become literate, try reading a bit then see if you can spell a word with more than 4 letters.

5.0 = 💯% (🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟), ❤❤!

"Christina is a smaller thin woman with almost B cup tits, both brunette and British." Hey, What, pardon? You mean to say that BOTH of her tits were brunette and British? Wow! A matching pair! Wno'da thought that?

Handy Grammar Hint:

"having your tit's sucked" - apostrophe WRONGLY used! - Plurals cannot have an apostrophe, plain WRONG!

I want to suck Marks cock - DID need an apostrophe to denote possession (Mark's = of Mark, belongs to him).

"..all over Christina tit's." - apostrophe WRONGLY used! - Plurals cannot have an apostrophe, plain WRONG!

Regards, R.S.