A Family Christmas Ch. 04

"Shut the fuck up, James. You talk too much... do you know THAT!" She snapped her mood changing in an instant. The violence of her reaction rocked me back, obviously I had inadvertently hit a sore spot. Hell, I had never ever been accused of talking too much... usually just the opposite.

"Julia... I'm sorry..." I seemed to be doing nothing but apologise for one thing after another.

"No James, my dearest... No!" she reached across the table and grasped my hand holding on to it frantically. "I am the one who should be sorry... that was terrible of me... I am so... so ... sorry, my dear!" Her lovely face had crumpled into a mask of sadness and a tiny tear trickled down one cheek. It was heart-breaking. I reached out with my other hand and wiped the tear away with the tip of my finger and pressed it to my lips, it tasted salty and sad.

"Tell me what is wrong, Jules," I pleaded, "Is this something to do with what we were talking about this lunchtime, that crap about being an 'old maid' and stuff?"

"I need a drink... A proper drink... And a cigarette. Then we can talk... " she said. "I owe you that much for being a bitch to you..."

"OK, let's go through to the bar."

"No, we will go back to the rooms and finish off that bottle of Scotch I brought... We can both get shit-faced and cry on each other's shoulders...OK?"

My God, how grown up and adult was that!

We got back to the suite and both went into our bedrooms to change, the heating in the rooms was kept far too high to wear outdoor clothes in the rooms. "If we are not going out again...let's get changed and then we can just lounge around, have a drink and relax." Julia suggested.

I knew that she was not suggesting the kind of 'relaxing' that Cora and I enjoyed. I had not had any sort of sexual sport for a week since Cora and I last 'relaxed' each other, I hadn't even choked the chicken and despite starting to feel a bit unfulfilled my intermittent horniness had been from abstinence rather than lust... until tonight in the sauna. Like most eighteen year old lads it was seldom that I went more than a few days without some sort of sexual gratification, going longer than that just wasn't natural and my body was beginning to feel the strain... My prick was beginning to cry out for attention and that unexpected kiss in the sauna had made it scream!

I stripped off again and just pulled on the dark blue summer-weight cotton track suit that I always brought with me on holiday, I could put it on if I took a run in the morning or to wear instead of a dressing gown to lounge about in my bedroom and read. I pushed my bare feet into an old pair of loafers I used as slippers and went through to our sitting room. The light was on but there was no sign of Julia and the bottle of Scotch and the tumblers, which I had brought through earlier, were gone from the occasional table by the couch.

The door connecting to her bedroom was closed and so I tapped lightly and called out, "Julia...?"

"I'm in here... come in, James." She called in reply.

Her room was almost identical to my own except that it was decorated in pale green and white instead of grey and cream. There was the usual armchair, vanity unit, wardrobe, and minibar but this room also had a large comfortable looking stuffed sofa and a small writing bureau on which stood her lap top with the charger cord trailing down to an AC/DC adapter plugged into a socket in the skirting board.

Julia was sitting on the large comfortable bed propped up with one of the huge Austrian style pillows her legs stretched out in front of her and the thick duvet folded at the foot of the bed. She was wearing the Chinese silk bath robe that we had bought her for Christmas, cream with an embroidered gold edging and a deep floral pattern in greens and turquoises around the bottom hem and the cuffs of the sleeves. The gown was open at the throat to reveal a small shadowy V of cleavage and her lower legs below the knee and her feet were bare: for the first time I noticed that she had rather small delicate feet and toes. Her nipples were pressed against the silk forming pointy embossed distensions in the front of the garment and so I guessed that she was wearing nothing beneath it. I had seen every part of her lovely, mature body less than an hour ago, she had been standing totally naked in front of me at the sauna but for some reason seeing her laid on that bed in that shiny silk robe her hair spread across the pillow in a silver cascade was the sexiest, most erotic thing that I had ever seen in my life.

I just stood there, probably with my mouth hanging open like a moron, just staring at her, I was totally paralysed and couldn't move a muscle. Her glittering grey eyes locked onto mine and held my gaze for maybe 10 seconds and I felt as though she could see into my heart, was stripping my soul bare to reveal my inner most thoughts and feelings. She broke the connection and lavished me with the radiance of her smile.

"Fetch us both a drink and come and sit down" she instructed. She pointed to the vanity unit on which stood the bottle of Glenmorangie Malt and two tumblers already three fingers full of the amber liquid. I lifted the glasses and took one to her and then turned to seat myself on the padded armchair beside the bed.

"No...James, here..." She said patting the bed at her side, "and bring the bottle..."

I fetched the whisky bottle and walked around to the other side of the bed and stood it along with my own tumbler on the bedside locker then swung onto the deep feather mattress and propped myself up against the pillow next to her. I realised that sat side by side we were not forced to look each other directly in the face whilst we talked, a clever legal ploy no doubt to give the speaker a degree of anonymity.

I felt her turn her head towards me although I could not see her face as it was obscured by the puffed up feather pillow. "Are we sitting comfortably? Then I will begin..." she started in a softly mocking tone. "Once upon a time... a long time ago..."

"Once upon a time, you were going to tell me the truth!" I chided, "You said that we were friends... You wanted to confide in me... remember?" I reached out and found her hand lying beside her and took it in mine... we both took a deep breath at the same time, in anticipation, but nothing happened, there was no electric shock...no tingling...no erotic surge, I was not sure if I was pleased or disappointed, but she continued to hold onto my hand her long delicate fingers entwined with mine.

"So what do you want me to tell you?" she asked quietly and seriously.

I very much wanted to ask her if there were any men in her life, if she had any long term or casual relationships, I wanted her to confirm for me if the cold sensation of jealousy that was starting to link my mind and stomach had any root in reality or if it was just a torture that I was creating for myself. I suddenly realized that it was seriously important to me know if there was some man somewhere who was sharing her bed, making love to her. But that would be rushing into dangerous country and so I went straight to the next question on the list.

"Do you feel like telling me what really happened between you and Mum ... what caused you to fall out?"

Something dropped onto my chest and then toppled into my lap. It was her packet of cigarettes.

"Light me a cigarette... I can't do this without a nicotine fix..."

I managed to fiddle two tubes out of the packet and got them to my lips then fumbled my lighter out of my pocket and lit them... all one handed...Julia made no attempt to release my other hand and I didn't really want her to. I rolled towards her and held out the cigarette for her to take and then watched a cloud of grey smoke billow from behind the screening pillow. Suddenly I realized that I could see our reflection in the mirror above the vanity unit at the foot of the bed, two distant twin images of Julia and me, sitting side by side on a big plumped up bed in an identical far away room viewed through the magic window of the mirror. Shit... she had been watching me all the time.

"It's complicated," she said.

"So try... It was you who said that friends talk to each other..."

"OK," I heard her take a deep breath, "It really all began when you mother was about eighteen...your age... she was preparing to go to university to read history and had finally given up her teenage fantasy of becoming a professional skier..."

"I know she is good...but a pro...?" I asked, now I was beginning to see my mother in a different light as well as my aunt.

"Oh, yes...she really was that good... always the action hero your mother, sports, mountain climbing... she achieved her Duke of Edinburgh's Gold Award in record time you know..."

"My career as a barrister had come together really well, I had a smart apartment in London and was beginning to make a name for myself as a lawyer specialising in Human Rights cases. I guess that I was beginning to see myself as somebody who could make a difference and could change the world but that turned out to be nothing more than a flight of arrogance, but right then I was full of moral indignation and righteousness."

"The summer before Gill, your mother, started at university we went on holiday to Sliema on Malta and hired a boat for a couple of weeks sailing... the sailing out of Malta is really good you know..."

"Do you still sail?" I asked.

"Yes, sometimes," she laughed and squeezed my hand. I guess she knew what was coming next.

"Perhaps in the summer, we could...?" I probed. Cora hated boats but I rather liked sailing.

"Maybe," she chuckled, "I'll think about it...where was I?"

"Malta..."

"Oh yes, that is where I first met Declan." She took a large swig from her glass of whisky and stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray on her locker. "By sheer fluke chance Gill and I were staying at the Sliema Waterfront Hotel only to discover that my cousin Teddy Connor was also staying that same week."

"You mean Uncle Ted...?"

"Yes, Ted and I are much the same age, he is a few years older, but we were quite close in those days he being the only member of the family of the same age group. Teddy was already quite a successful antiquaries dealer with an office in Dublin but preferred to spend his time drinking and gambling and hopping from one country to the next following the racing as the whim took him. I was very fond of him, but he was already becoming a piss artist of the first order and was gaining a reputation as a bit of a rogue, hanging out with some very dodgy characters on the edge of the law, not really the sort of person that a young barrister ought to fraternize with but he was exciting and fun..."

Julia rolled over and thumped down the corner of her pillow so that we could see each other's faces, "Are you getting bored yet?" She asked with a half scowl.

"No I'm not... Carry on... Who is this Declan?"

She snapped her fingers demanding that I light her another cigarette, exhaled a cloud of silver smoke and then continued.

"Declan Miles Flannery... now there was a man and a half. Declan was a friend of Teddy's from Dublin, some sort of antiques dealer... he was tall and very handsome, with sparkling black eyes and a mop of curly black hair and all the charm and blarney of the Irish. We all started hanging out together, we sailed during the day and went to bars in the evening, dined on Maltese rabbit stew, drank beer and Declan would entertain the room by singing Irish ballads and republican battle songs...he had a fine voice. Maybe because she was younger than the rest of us and maybe because she was a tad more intuitive, your mother hated Declan whilst I became totally infatuated."

I was already beginning to hate the man myself. "So what happened...?"

"When Gill and I returned home, Teddy and Declan were supposed to be moving on to Greece or maybe Cyprus... I can't remember... But two weeks later Declan turned up in London and I found him waiting for me on the steps to our chambers begging me to have dinner with him. We became an item, Declan and I, he took me to meet his friends in Kilburn and at sundry Irish pubs and clubs and I sat and listened to their talk of troubles in Ulster and the oppression of the republicans by the British government and began to empathise with their sentiments, even handed out a bit of free legal advice to some who came asking for it; the seniors in my chambers urged me to caution but I thought that I was on a crusade and wouldn't be told.

I was twenty-eight and should have known better... I had had other boyfriends but I was totally besotted with Declan and then suddenly it was 1969 and British troops were being sent to Northern Ireland for the first time.

My mother, your grandmother was Irish, from an old Dublin dynasty, and a staunch supporter of the republican principals and I was willing to believe anything that Declan told me, the British Government and the army became the villains of my fantasy world. One of those villains was your mother...my own sister, that same year whilst still at university she choose to join the army. Our mother was totally opposed to the idea of her joining the armed forces and I supported her and the rift between Gill and I began to widen; we fought about it every time that we met and in the end we just started to avoid each other."

I filled both our tumblers three quarters full with whisky and took a good slug from mine and felt the warmth trickle through my body. "So what about Declan and Uncle Ted?"

"I never really knew what broke up their friendship unless it was Declan's extremist politics; Ted was never a revolutionary and hated the fighting and killing that had now swept through Ulster. It finally came to a head when Declan asked me to marry him! Naturally I said yes...even though everybody I knew was warning me against it and saying that I should distance myself from him."

"So he really loved you and wanted you to marry him, then?" I felt a bit cold inside... I hated the thought that she had been that close to another man, I guess I was starting get a bit of a case for my aunt.

"I wish that were true..." she said sadly. "A few days after we announced our engagement, Teddy came to see me. As usual he was pissed as a newt and sadly pathetic, or so I thought at that time, but I guess he was genuinely concerned. He broke down and wept... and begged me not to marry Declan... He swore that he had always loved me since we were kids and pleaded with me to marry him instead..." She took another mouthful of whisky. She looked so sad, I hated that I had asked to do this.

"If you want to stop, Jules?" I offered. I couldn't bear to see her upset.

"No... I need to do this...I want you to know..." She said with a wan smile and then continued. "Of course I refused... I think that I was overly hard on poor Ted... but the trouble was he wasn't Declan and it was Declan that I wanted, not Ted. He flew into a black Irish rage and said cruel things, called me, uncaring and 'The Ice Queen' and then dropped the bombshell... He accused Declan of working for the IRA, told me that both of them had been involved with gunrunning and money laundering..."

"Oh, God Jules...was it true?"

"Oh, yes...it was true...I guess that I realised that from the moment he told me. It put me in a terrible position...I was a member of the bar, I had taken an oath to the crown and my association with Declan could get me disbarred at the least... Perhaps land me in prison... I lost my temper and threatened to expose him and Declan to the security services..."

"What happened?"

"Ted went abroad and I never saw him again for years... My Declan just disappeared without a word and I never saw him again...EVER!" She gave a deep sigh. I learned years later from a friend in Special Branch that his real name was Brendan Shaunnessey, and that he had been shot and killed in a gunfight with the army in Belfast in 1981."

"What about you and Mum?" I asked, she had become distressed and I didn't want to continue with this story if it was hurting her to tell it. I guess that I now understood Uncle Ted's animosity towards Julia.

"Oh that was my stupid fault..." She said sadly... "Your mother had never castigated me about my affair with Declan even after it became known and she and our parents got visits from MI5 officers and it was made plain to me in no uncertain terms that my career would suffer for my connection with the Declan or Brenadan... I accepted that...it was right and proper at the time."

"In the meantime your mother's career in the army had gone ahead in leaps and bounds she served in Germany, Cyprus, Belize and finally Ethiopia in 1984 as part of the support team for the British Military Famine Relief Operation because of her fluent French and experience in logistics and supplies."

She paused and drained her glass and indicated that I should refill it for her. "Then Mother and Daddy, your grandparents, both got sick... some form of viral leukaemia. Gill was in Cyprus with the Ethiopian Relief Force and I had just started to climb back up the career ladder after nearly ten years in the wilderness, I had a major case as a prosecutor at the Old Bailey which was going to run for months but winning it would put me firmly back at the top of my game..."

"Your mother came home on leave to see them and we met to discuss the best way forward with their care... They were stubborn and refused to move out of their big house in Aylesbury and declined to have a live in nurse and carer even though I offered to pay for one. My mother was totally unreasonable, we had fallen out over Teddy... he was her favourite nephew and she was adamant that I should have married him, given up the law and settled down to have babies... And when she got sick she wanted your mother and me to give up working and come home to look after them both. Obviously neither Gill nor I wanted that... but stupidly we quarrelled over who was going to do what for the old folks and I stormed off in a temper back to London. To cut a sad story short your mother felt obligated to take six months compassionate leave from the army to care for them through to the end...they both died within a month of each other... but the time out completely screwed up her immediate promotional prospects and I don't think that she ever really forgave me for ruining her career.

"Oh shit, Jules, that must have been terrible for both of you..." I sympathised.

"To aggravate the situation your grandmother in a fit of pique changed her will days before she died and left the entire estate to your mother cutting me out of the will completely... Neither your mother nor I was particularly concerned about the money or estate...but it added to the tension between us even though it was finally settled amicably. So there you have it... the full exposé... my sad little life revealed!" She ended.

"Has there been nobody since Declan...Is there no man in your life now?" I was taking a risk asking but I desperately wanted to know.

"Oh yes, there is someone very special..." she said brightly. I knew that a woman as attractive as my aunt had to have somebody, but it gave me no pleasure and I realised that I was a tad jealous.

She turned so that we were facing each other and gave me one of her gorgeous smiles. "Now I have a handsome young Beau, who takes me out to lunch and tea and calls me his 'young lady' and tells me that he thinks I am beautiful..."

I felt my mouth getting away from my brain again...galloping towards saying something really stupid... "Jules... I ... Er..."

She stopped me before I said it by kissing the tip of her finger and placing it on my lips as a seal. "Stop talking and pour the rest of that whisky into the glasses... we will finish off the bottle then you can give me a hug like a good nephew and bugger off to your own bed..." She laughed.