All Comments on 'A Game within a Game Ch. 02C'

Obviously English is not your primary language. A good editor could make the submission more readable. It is a very good story but the awkward phrasing in many sentences causes the reader to pause and try to determine what the writer intended. This pause interrupts the flow of the story and sometimes leads to confusion on the part of the reader. A good editor could help eliminate these issues.

The story is great but it has many word, spelling and the words in wrong order in a sentence. You also made the error of using the name Marion twice instead of Helena when you were describing Cathy, Helena and Rob in bed together on page 3 of this chapter. You should reread your story checking for errors when you are fresh and awake before you submit it.

nicely done