All Comments on 'A Knock At The Door'

lets see where it goes.

Had sex and didn't shower all the next day? Gross! Don't continue.

find an editor. If it is your first language, give up writing! Mistakes like " I dint know" are scattered throughout this thankfully short work.

greats tory, fuck annony he's just an old ugly fat fag who hates life.

Just cheating...Does the wife also likes young girls? 1*

Before I could wrap my mind around what was about to happen it wad happening.

Welcome to this crazy site. As you will discover, it’s populated by a large group of great folks and a small number on bitter people who seem to have been hurt at some time in their lives by a spouse and now they just can’t forgive and move on. Before you continue this story or decide to start another make peace with yourself that you will never please them. Once you reach that point, you can simply take what they write with the proverbial grain of salt, while gleaning the real gems others will offer to help you improve your writing. With that in mind, I offer a few suggestions. Remember they are worth at least what they cost you, maybe more.

#1 You appear to have been in a hurry to submit your first story. I know I was. You like me didn’t proof read enough. That remark about second language was uncalled for, even if it is your second language. Almost every error I spotted and certainly the one highlighted was an obvious typo you missed while proofreading. I always do my final proofing aloud, pronouncing every word. You’ll be surprised how much you’ll pick up after you’re sure you have it down pat.

#2 Too short for a beginning writer—a one pager requires real skill to develop characters we can relate to. Few beginners can pull it off. I suggest you go for two pages as a minimum. BTW longer ones can make readers drop out, if they get bored. I’m working on one now about 15000 words long and considering making it two submissions. (I get bored reading long works on a monitor.)

#3 Before you get caught up in the current size myth, do a little research on cock size and how much attention women pay to size. Use Google; their quoted surveys list 5 to 6 inches as average when erect. Apparently very few are over 7 inches and according to 11,000 women between the ages of 18 to 34 89% are not concerned by size. Of course the size myth is so engrained in our porno psychic we may have to continue it to keep readers interested.

Anyway, I hope you don’t get discouraged. I don’t know about others, but I enjoy reading this stuff for free. For that to continue somebody has to write it for free. (Hint---hint to you engaged in that dumb feud between Bonnie, Vastie, and Anons.)

And try again

I agree with another comment about a spelling/grammar error in each paragraph. Then 'over writing' like: "An unmistakable knock at the front door" It's just a knock, what else could it be? And "She was standing behind her bike that she had just dismounted". She had just knocked on the door so why is she now behind the bike? How would he know she had just dismounted if she was standing with the bike when he opened the door? She may have walked it there! Don't embellish on things the person in the story could not have known.

Please don't be discouraged by the criticism some of it is constructive. Wright the second story, make it a bit longer, and get a proof reader. I look forward to the next chapter.

And check your spelling ... over not ober

"When I opened the door she smiled and I was amazed how much it me."

It did what?

Not the only mistake, but the one that most caught my attention.

Have someone else read it before you submit it.

Another set of eyes will catch errors that you the writer would fill in inside your mind with what you mean to say.

You know what you mean to say, but we the readers don't.

No doubt you gave a new writer some basic sound advice. Why would anybody submit a story without even proof reading before submitting? What ever happened to the site administrators checking out stories before submission. Damn they used to reject stories for relatively minor problem, now it seems anything goes.

Just one beef "carolinadreamer", please spare us your usual agenda of calling out a segment of readership. Any author should well be aware before even posting in loving wives what to expect. I don't think we need to rehash this point over and over. We get it. You got a problem with some readers. Well tough shit, it's not going away because you say it should. You're just as much of the problem as the readers you so detest. Try finding a solution and stop that constant bitching. Damn some you guys are really dense.

Author before you post a continuation get yourself an editor, they're available free on this site. They can be very helpful with grammar and proper sentence structure, which you seem to have a problem with. Anything worth doing is doing it well, even on a porn site. Don't you think? If you don't give a shit about the reader, why should they give a shit about your story. (signed ML)

Haha! Perhaps it's you who needs a proof reader.

...what they experienced, they have a chance to help the writer.

This incessant troglodyte sniping just wears out the entire audience.

Children, BEHAVE!!!

Now, you know you need editorial help. There were too many painful mechanical errors to warrant anything less.

You might try reading your dialog out loud. If it doesn't sound like something you or a close friend would say, or if it sounds a bit odd....well, you need to go back and fix it.

If you leave out useful or important information about the characters that will make them seem more real, more like able, or more despicable, then you've left readers out of the story.

I think you will get it if you just read through this one a little more carefully and aloud.

Dint you hear me? I want your a lot more.

Two samples of the kind of carelessness that cheats you off the reviews and scores your ideas might otherwise deserve.

Oh, and don't bother with the snipers, they're just jealous you had the guts to publish something.

Try again. Thanks.

I blinked and missed the whole thing.

... how some people criticising the grammar, sentence structure, spelling, etc. appear not to notice that they appear to have the same problem.

Example from one of the 'Anonymous "@ the carolinadreamer" critics' - "They can be very helpful with grammar and proper sentence structure, which you seem to have a problem with. "

That, of course, should be "with which you seem to have trouble."!

I'll try to offer some encouragement for a new writer. I'll give a nod to the other reviewers that noted issues with grammar and proof reading. You may wonder why it matters so much. The reason is that it pulls the reader out of the story. The discordant notes of misspelled words, missing words and other grammatical errors takes the reader out of the flow of reading your story. The last thing you want as an author is for your readers to be pulled away from the experience of enjoying your story.

Overall the beginning of your story was good. Some suggestions/questions for you as you write more in the future.

1. Explore the feelings of your protagonist. Yes a nubile, gorgeous 18 year old splayed naked in front of you is a powerful incentive. But is it enough to cause him to potentially destroy his marriage?

2. Consider writing a little bit more in each installment. While it is likely this is going toward a loving wives story, right now it's a "mature" story.

3. Try to make the wife catching them (assuming this is where you are going) believable. Having been married for many years, I'll tell you that there are not very many wives that will be understanding of finding their husband getting a BJ from one of their former students.

4. Try to put some realism into your characters. You've already created the fantasy 18 year old female. You are well on your way to creating the fantasy older man and wife. Try to avoid the obvious traps of giving him a massive 11 inch dick that the 18 year old takes with ease.

5. Keep writing. Take the criticisms in stride. Ignore the destructive trolls and try to identify what is the critiques will help you to improve. Take heart in the fact that you had an interesting enough premise that you've received this much feedback.

Yes, I guess I am a condescending prick and I agree I don’t know much about writing. However I am ahead of the one I was giving advice to AND I tried to give some points that he could apply to his writing. You on the other hand, have criticized me without offering any suggestion of how to improve. I thank you for caring enough to criticize. I’m sure you are an experienced writer, one whose constructive criticism I’d be pleased to take. The problem is I can’t find an example of your stories. Have I overlooked them?

You did give the author good advice about improving. The suggestion to proofread 20 times is good; I think I suggested proofing several times and reading aloud the last time. Probably I should have said proof until you aren’t spotting errors or improvements. The idea of getting an editor is a good one, but I’m sure your suggestion of a better plot would carry more weight if you would spell out what’s wrong with this one. (If only we could study one of yours I’m sure we’d all benefit.)

TO THE ANON WHO COMMENTED ON MY HABIT OF TELLING NEW WRITERS TO IGNORE THE TROLLS:

Thanks also. I’ll try to take your advice—most of the time. I fully agree with you, I’m dense—almost as dense as the ones who read stories they hate and then complain.

and my experience is that reading aloud many times as you write is even better. For the short story form found here it is probably better to write for the ear, rather than the eye so reading as you go really makes for a final product that is appealing and engaging for the reader.

Large blocks of copy online are more often than not daunting for the reader whereas the same copy, broken into smaller segments are more inviting.

Yes, I haven't submitted anything here and probably won't. I learned decades ago that writing most fiction for print is not my forte but I have made a pretty good living reading and editing copy for others across all media.

thecarolinadreamer gave you some good advice and it was not directed at you personally but in hopes of helping you and others improve their craft.

You're right. Should have proof read my own comment. Missed one word, minor mistake compared to most, but still a mistake. My bad. Now let's talk about you anon. You didn't say one word to the author about his story. What did you think of it and the theme. Did you like it, hate it or didn't really give a shit. However not all is lost, you did read the comments and picked out the mistakes of the readers. Well, I guess that's something. Thanks for pointing out my error. (signed ML)

Would you care to elaborate on your comment? Fuck annony? Why, because he/she didn't agree with your take of the story? "Old ugly fat fag who hates life"

How do you know his age? How do you know he's fat? What makes you think he's a fag? Why would he hate life? Is it because he doesn't agree with you?

It seems you're the one with the problem?

This tale can go off the rail very easily if you don't set the background as to why hubby was such an easy mark and why the 18 year wanted him with her former teacher upstairs.

I liked the story line. I hope you will develop it more in upcoming segments. An editor might be a good direction for you to take.

lol @ all the butt hurt, uptight, touchy, condescending losers posting as Anonymous because their own submissions, if they have made any, to Literotica are so weak. I know my first, and only, submission was full of problems and I am not ashamed of that. But you folks hurling mindless and overly critical comments at this person's story do not have enough experience or clout to do so. Oh, you think you do? Well come on out from the shadows and post with your Lit username. Otherwise you are just some 12 year troll till you prove otherwise.

loved this. why didnt you continue?

Well.....

Asshole.just cheats with one of wife's students. Hope the wife gelds his trashy ass.