A Long Journey To My Brother

We kissed, we hugged, we said our goodbyes. There wouldn't be another hello.

The acceptance letter arrived. I couldn't breathe. A school had said I could attend, no strings, no backsies, just an honest-to-goodness yes. Dreams opened up, and I could walk through the doors.

The University of Arizona, in Tuscon. I'd never been within fifteen hundred miles of Tuscon, didn't know a soul there, but knew it must be a heaven waiting for me to arrive. I would be going away from something and towards something at the same time. It was perfect.

My starting point would be September of '95. I wasn't sure what I'd major in, maybe Sociology, but I had plenty of time to figure that out. I'd also been saving my tips for two years just for this sort of moment, which would allow me a manageable transition. Of course I'd need a job, and some state financial aid, but it could work. I could make it work.

Telling my mother was both the most terrifying and exhilarating thing I'd ever done. I was telling the drunken Madusa that I was leaving her, all for a better life than she'd ever known or ever would. I expected her to bitterly lash out like never before, and she didn't disappoint. It was agony keeping the grin off my face.

"This should be fun. You're going to fall flat on your face without me. Hell, flat on your cock. You think you're going to be partying with the frat boys while they take turns sucking your dick? Get real. They'll find out and beat the shit out of you. You'll be crawling back here whimpering like a lost puppy. No school, no money, and certainly no future. All you'll have left is freaky husbands who want a piece of ass on the side."

Until that last line, I'd been enjoying her choking on her bile. She knew what she was doing, and it stung.

"I suppose you think it's all going to be easy, that you'll make a wonderful life and get away from here. Well, let me tell you something. You'll flunk, you'll find no job, and you'll find no good home to return to. Most of all, you won't find anybody who wants you. Not a man, not a woman, just living an in-between life for an in-between person. You might as well write that school back and tell them you're not coming. There's no point."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to bite her face off. Instead, I smiled with all my teeth.

"I hate you too, Mom."

A shared dorm room was something I hadn't considered. Though it was no surprise that I couldn't afford a private apartment, leaving me with no off-campus options, it hadn't occurred to me that all available dormitory rooms would be doubles. I would have a roommate I didn't even know. I guess every bright cloud does have a dark lining.

In retrospect, it was no surprise that I would overlook such an important aspect of my school experience. I was so excited about starting my new life that I couldn't imagine any obstacles in my way.

Her name was Cassie. She was a beige-haired beauty with a perky ass, perky tits and a perky smile. She grew up in Colorado, wanted to study business ("unless it's too hard"), was socially outgoing ("I'm gonna check out University Boulevard tonight"), and screamed out "Cheerleader!" with her every breath. In short, she was everything I wasn't.

Fortunately, she sensed my unease and lessened her boisterousness to allow me to breathe. As we spoke, she began to realize how different we were and that some work would be required to coexist. To her credit, Cassie didn't try to push her personality or plans on me. She gave me the space I needed.

University was intimidating enough as it was. I was in a completely new environment, with entirely new goals, and totally new expectations. To be someone I wasn't would have been overwhelming. As excited as Cassie was to go out, I couldn't see myself enjoying a night on the town, even if it was a new town that I wanted to investigate. It would just need to be at my own pace.

Once I knew Cassie was gone for the evening and I wouldn't be interrupted, I jacked off to remove some edge. I didn't need to wake up with morning wood around my new roommate.

One reason for my edgy state was that I'd left Michigan shortly before my brother came home. After five years of bouncing around various continents on assorted military assignments, Jacob had seen enough and packed it in. He wasn't sure what he was going to do next, but he knew he didn't want that regimented life anymore. I suspected he didn't want to see any more death and pain either.

When I finally spoke to him on the phone ("Is anybody named Taylor down here? You've got a call!"), I could tell he was more hesitant and reserved than usual. Though if I'd just spent five years in numerous war zones and then come home to our mother, I'd feel pretty uncertain as well. Either way, I was overjoyed to hear Jacob's voice and know that he was back in our country. It was as close to crying as I ever got while speaking with him, though I managed to hold back, otherwise he'd probably have hung up out of disgust. He listened to me prattle on about my new life, testing his patience, but he never cut me off or showed a lack of respect. It was the most normal home conversation I'd had in years. He even said we'd talk again soon. Tuscon suddenly felt a little easier.

The first few weeks had been a tough adjustment, so much that I had talked to a student counsellor. She assured me that what I was going through was normal, and as long as I concentrated on my studies and made some healthy choices, I would be all right. To that end, I began exercising for the first time ever, fitting in a couple of runs per week. It felt good to firm up my body a little bit.

As October stretched along, things got better. I could feel myself settling into my classes, the desert warmth was wonderful, and I even found a job. It was another waitress job, but at a nice restaurant a little ways from campus. The uniform pants were a bit tight for my liking, requiring some tucking to keep my bulge from appearing, well, bulge-ish. But my boss was pleasant and the tips were better than the diner, that's for sure.

Cassie was finding her way as well. She was making friends, enjoying the nightlife, and even acquired a boyfriend. His name was Brian, and as expected, he was a tall, square-shouldered jock boy who clearly had little more than sex and beer running through his head. Fortunately, he had an apartment where Cassie stayed two nights a week, so I could have some alone time and rub my edge off without having to worry.

Cassie and I seemed to have found a good equilibrium. She was the vivacious, outgoing one, and I was the shy, contemplative one. We each had our territory and we'd become comfortable in those places. I still had to be very careful about what I wore around our room ("Michigan winters give you a love for warm sweatpants. Besides, they're comfortable."), but she just chalked that up to my apparent shy quirkiness. I wasn't about to correct her.

As November came near an end and term papers were coming due, I found that I needed some stress relief on a more regular basis. My running habit had grown more regular, and I found that a late night jog settled me down in order to get some decent sleep. Of course, it also meant that I usually needed a shower afterwards. This meant a nerve-wracking trip to our floor's dorm bathroom, which contained two partitioned shower stalls. At least when late, I knew I could count on some privacy.

"Hey Taylor, I'm going to the store. Did you want anything?"

Cassie had poked her head into the bathroom with her usual energy, giving me a fright and causing me to drop the soap. I had just begun to wash my cock and balls.

"Um, no. I'm good." There was no way I was bending over at that point. If she was going to see any part of me, it was only going to be my ass.

"Okay, back shortly."

I breathed easier and picked up the soap. That was the semester's closest call. I knew that if word got out about my penis, these college kids would become a bunch of rabid jackals, looking to take a stream of never-ending bites out of me.

I quickly rinsed off and decided to get dressed without drying off. I knew I'd have a few minutes to take care of that in our room, lessening any chances of exposure.

When I returned to the dorm room, I quickly stripped off my clothes and reached for the towel. I figured I had at least five minutes, which was plenty of time. Cassie's gasp told me I was wrong.

"Oh my God! Is that what I think it is?"

I froze, unable to cover myself for a fateful second. It was my worst nightmare come true. I began to tremble, then shook uncontrollably. My body reacted, and then began to shut down. I fell to the floor.

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! No, no. No Cassie, don't do it! Please, don't do it!"

Cassie had been in shock, a look of incredulity on her face. She didn't know what to make of anything. I was a pitiful mess, half-covered on the floor and weeping without restraint. I think I scared her. Cassie seemed to snap out of it.

"Do what? Taylor, what are you talking about?"

I was now hyperventilating, shaking like a leaf and about ten seconds away from needing serious medical care. Reality was becoming tenuous.

"Taylor! Taylor! Stop it!"

Cassie knelt down and grabbed my shoulders. Her touch gave me a shock and halted my downward spiral. My breath was still shallow, and the words came in fits and starts.

"Please, Cassie, don't tell anybody. They can't know. I won't be safe!"

"Alright, I won't say anything. Please, just calm down. Here, take a drink." Swigging a forty proof drink probably wasn't the smartest thing at that moment, but college freshmen aren't noted for their stellar judgment. Cassie helped me to my bed, the towel not always doing its coverage job. I cried some more before speaking.

"I'm going to have to leave school. It's over."

"Whoa, hold on! It's not that bad. I won't say anything. I just don't understand."

I glanced at her pretty face. She'd never really known terror or strife. Or of living with a secret that could get you killed. I opened up the towel.

"Well, you might as well get a good look. That's right, it's a cock and two balls. On what is otherwise a woman."

She opened her mouth for a moment before words could be formed. Cassie's mental wheels were spinning at warp speed as she looked me over from top to bottom.

"You look like one of those kids games where you stick a paper picture of one person above the bottom half of another."

We paused, then laughed, though I couldn't stop crying. It was a somewhat accurate way to describe me.

"Yeah, I think God was sniffing the glue when he made me." I was so thankful when Cassie produced a box of tissues. She also motioned me to cover up.

"So I'm confused. Just what are you?"

"Fuck, I don't know sometimes. I just know I'm always scared."

Cassie sat there, listening as I spent a half-hour telling her my life's sad tale. She appeared to comprehend some parts, but not others. One particular question could not be restrained.

"But what about sex? Who do you go for? Or do you go for anyone?"

"I probably shouldn't, but yeah, I like sex. As long as it's good. Anyways, I seem to like guys better, though it's not easy."

"Well, can you get, um, hard? I mean, does it work?"

"Yeah, it works, often too well."

"Oh, so do you, uh, er..."

"Masturbate? Yeah. As much as I can. Thanks for staying at Chris' place, by the way." Cassie blushed, and realized that path of inquiry was best abandoned.

"Anyways, I'm so sorry you got stuck with me for a roommate. This is fucked up."

"No, no, it's alright. It's just not what I expected, that's all."

"Well, please Cassie, don't tell anyone. It would ruin me if this got out. I'd do anything to keep this quiet."

Her eyes widened, and she took a slight pause before responding.

"Of course. You can count on me, Taylor."

I actually believed her.

A few days later, Cassie invited me over to her boyfriend's place. She said Brian was out of town and it would give us a chance to have a drink and speak freely without the worry of being overheard. Although I would normally be wary of such a precisely-timed invite, the thought of being able to unburden myself caused me to let my guard down.

My life had not become a living hell, so I knew Cassie had kept quiet. With the semester over, I just had to write a couple of finals and then I'd have several weeks away from school. I figured getting some things off my chest would help me to concentrate on my studying, making for a successful end to my first term.

"Glad you could make it." Cassie shut the door behind me, casually dressed in shorts and a t-shirt but still stunning in appearance. Some people are blessed with the ability to look good in anything. I felt insecure next to her, but she disarmed me with her charm. She also handed me a stiff drink.

"Here you go. Hope you don't mind Jagermeister. Brian's parents brought back some bottles during their last European trip."

"Uh, no, this is fine." I'd barely even heard of the stuff, but I knew it wasn't cheap. It also packed a bigger wallop than anything I'd ever had. Tasted pretty good though.

"So you been okay? You haven't been talking much."

"Yeah. It was just a big shock, ya know? This thing I'd been terrified of for years actually happened, and I've been processing it ever since."

"Me too. Here, sit down. I'll admit, it was quite the stunner. I've never seen anything like that. I mean you. I mean, well, you know."

Inwardly, I grinned at her social clumsiness, Cassie's usual grace being tripped up for once. She was embarrassed, but it only humanized her a bit. It was like having a girlfriend you could talk with, something unique to me. We began to converse, going over what had happened (she'd forgotten her wallet and returned to the room), my means of daily concealment ("I wondered why you wore boxers"), and my home life growing up (she'd never been exposed to that kind of a dysfunctional family). But mostly, Cassie wanted to discuss my sex life, going into a level of detail I had never spoken of with anyone, with was both uncomfortable and liberating. She also kept the drinks flowing, and by the time I was working on my fourth cup, it was obvious the liquor was kicking my ass.

"Yesh, I can take it up the ash okay. Not like I got anoder hole down there. Can feel good if it's right, ya know?"

...

"Yah, been wit a woman. Went kinda okay, but a little weird. Didn't feel right dat time."

...

"No, not seein' anyone. Don know who would wanna be wit me, ya know? I'm weird."

As I drank more, I noticed Cassie was touching me lightly, on the arm, on the leg, even my hair, which wasn't anywhere near as beautiful as her flowing locks. It felt a little weird, but nice to get the attention as well. My inhibitions were slipping away, and by the time it registered she was flirting with me, my resistance was out the window. It was about then that she leaned in and kissed me, her lips lush and pouty.

"I think it's a shame you didn't enjoy your time with a girl. It can be a lot of fun, and you have the equipment to make it even better." She was rubbing my arm as she leaned in and kissed me once more, this time with open lips and a flick of tongue. She'd never given me the vibe of being into girls, but I was heady with alcohol and a rising passion. It had been over a year since Chicago, the last time I'd been with anyone. I kissed her back, and returned some tongue as well.

It didn't take long for our hands to start roaming each other's bodies. Cassie was a very enticing young woman, far more beautiful than I, and soon I was lost in lust. As we sat on the couch, entwined in our embrace, clothing was removed and our bodies became exposed. Her skin was tanned and supple, her eyes were dark stars, and when she removed her shirt and unhooked her bra, I was confronted with the two greatest breasts I had ever seen. They were only slightly larger than mine but marvellously formed and standing straight out, with taut little nipples hardening by the second. Why she ever needed to wear a bra was beyond me. Of course, those nipples weren't all that was hardening, and Cassie's hands soon roamed down to the front of my pants. I nearly tore off the front button to unleash my little monster. It was as big as it had ever been.

"Mmm, somebody's getting excited I see. I'm guessing small but mighty."

My ego put the slight aside as I grasped her waistband with devilish intent, which she reciprocated with a demonic smile. Cassie lifted her hips so I could slide the shorts down her smooth legs. All that remained before complete exposure was a tiny emerald green thong. My alcohol-addled brain hummed with anticipation.

"Somebody wants to see my little treasure, do they? Well, there's a toll that will have to be paid, and it involves your tongue." She enjoyed her vantage point of looking down upon me as I slid to the floor on my knees. Her fantastic body stretched before me.

"Oh, may I? I'd do anytin' to play wit' yur treasure."

"That's what I like to hear. You may proceed."

Cassie raised her ass off the sofa cushion once more, of which I took advantage and snatched the thong down her pelvis, legs and feet. I crouched before her, both of us naked, and gazed upon the wonderful sight before me.

A small tuft of downy brown hair lay on her Mons, but otherwise, there was nothing that adorned her inviting pussy. Unlike the Chicago experience, I felt no hesitation at pushing forward. This girl was absolutely gorgeous, and I wanted to taste and suckle her womanhood until she cried from passion. Cassie opened her legs wide.

"Go ahead. My clit won't lick itself."

Though light-headed from the booze, I moved my face forward until my lips nuzzled her sex. I kissed the inside of one thigh, then inside the other, before placing light touches around her lips. Cassie gave a soft moan.

"Ah, you've done this before. I like it when someone shares their knowledge."

Using a thumb to lift her clitoral hood, I leaned in and blew upon Cassie's button, giving it a little tease before sticking out my tongue and making first contact with her clit. She murmured her approval and placed a hand upon my head. I stuck out my tongue and made a second lick, placing a little more pressure upon her sensitive clit and feeling a small shiver in return. I began to lap steadily, and soon felt a second hand upon my hair. It didn't feel weird at all.

"Yes, Taylor, that's good. You're getting me wet. Why don't you dive into my folds and show me how much you love this?"

I obeyed that sultry voice and descended from her clit to her swollen pussy lips. Cassie was moist and getting wetter by the second. I licked her lips up and down before using my fingers to spread her apart so I could dive into my prize. Extending my salivating tongue, I gave one long lick from the bottom to the top. It was exquisite. I quickly repeated the manoeuvre and dug deeper into that tremendous cunt. Cassie's hands clasped my hair with greater strength as I buried my face in her crotch, my nose resting on her clit and my tongue working in overdrive. It was such a hot moment and lust burned through my body. I never heard the footsteps.

"Holy shit! You weren't kidding. She's actually got a dick!"

I whipped my head around just long enough to see a large shadow cross my small frame. Brian was coming towards us, naked as we were. My hair was nearly ripped out of my head as Cassie viciously pulled me back towards her crotch. I hadn't been able to see his midsection, but I was pretty sure it wasn't carrying a soft dick.

"Uh-uh Taylor. You stay here. The fun's just getting started."

As I felt Brian sink to his knees behind me, I managed to get one of Cassie's pinkies near my mouth. My bite wasn't a complete one, but I nipped her hard enough to where she let go of my hair. Drunk as I was, I knew I had to get out of there, as the menace in their voices told me it could soon be a bad scene. I unsteadily rose to my feet and began to move away.