All Comments on 'A Night She Would Never Forget'

Awkward construction, not credible, and kept whipping between past and present tenses. Perhaps with an editor, it would have been better; as is, not worth the time.

Not a very believable fantasy. Still all the stories here are fantasy's.

The previous poster commented you need an editor and I agree. You stated she did not know what she was doing twice in the same run on sentence. It could have been something like this"She didn't know what she was doing da da da "still unsure of herself she da da da.

I don't think you mentioned whether or not she had an orgasm. A comment or description of that would have been a nice bonus.

Do not get discouraged. I have only one story submitted which not had rave reviews. Keep writing and get an editor. Read the how to ideas on the board. Should you not understand the tenses (Past, present, future) an editor can help you immensely. Keep trying you will get better. Just like everything else it takes practice.

Now would only take my own advise and get off my lazy ass and write. I have a half a dozen stories partially written and about the same number running around in my head.

Enjoy Lit.

Mike S.