A Raven for My Thoughts

"No," I said, still somewhat surprised that I half-rejected her but not at all surprised by her reaction. I got an extra blanket from my closet and turned off my computer. Then, I went into the living room and laid down, not bothering to change or brush my teeth. As soon as I got comfortable, or at least semi-comfortable on a couch that would have trouble accommodating someone of Kat's size, she came out the room and kneeled next to the couch.

"That looks really uncomfortable. I feel weird inviting you to your own bed, but if you do want to sleep with me¬—Not in that way—Then you can. You'll have to stay in that blanket though." This time, I didn't turn her down. I agreed and followed her into my room. She took the side closest to the wall and I laid down next to her. Since we were in separate covers, we weren't in danger of having any direct contact.

For a few minutes, I slept facing away from her. That didn't feel comfortable so I turned over. She was facing me but her eyes were closed. Usually people who wear glasses look weird without them. Kat was a big exception. She looked just as beautiful without glasses as she did with them. As if sensing my attention on her, she opened her eyes.

Without thinking again, I said, "Can I put my arm around you?"

She laughed sarcastically and replied, "You know, really know how to make awkward situations even more awkward." She paused then turned over. "Yes, you can."

I didn't hesitate to slide my arm out under my blanket and put it around her waist. The alcohol combined with exhaustion soon put me to sleep.

*^*^*^*^*

I woke up to Kat stirring. We were pretty much spooning and I had quite the hard-on. It was unlikely that the layers between us concealed anything. I shifted backward to avoid her knowing. The clock said it was 9 in the morning. I had barely slept 5 hours. As carefully as I could, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. After that, I decided to make some breakfast for us. My roommate was awake and cheerful, unlike me. My stomach felt weird, which is common after a night of heavy or semi-heavy drinking.

Turns out my roommate was already making breakfast so I bribed him to make enough for me and Kat. He agreed for the high price of me doing the dishes for the next three days. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. My roommate was pretty curious about what happened the night before. I assured him nothing sexual happened so no high-fiving occurred.

Kat woke up just as breakfast was hitting the plates. She looked like quite the mess with her hair in disarray. It wouldn't have been surprising if we did have sex. Without saying anything to either me or my roommate, she went to the bathroom, probably embarrassed by her appearance a little. Thankfully my roommate was considerate enough to take his food to his room to avoid a potentially awkward moment.

She came out looking a little more refreshed and her hair under control. I guess I was too intoxicated to notice it the night before, but her nipples were pretty prominent under the shirt. It was a little hard not to stare, but I tore my gaze away before I seemed too creepy.

"Good morning sunshine," I said cheerfully. "Breakfast is served."

"I prefer breakfast in bed."

"No one gets treated like a princess in this apartment except me. Eat up, my roommate made it. He's a hell of a chef."

She sat down next to me and started eating. Obviously she wasn't shy about eating fast or a little noisily. By the time she got done, I was only halfway through my meal. I jokingly offered her some of my food and she very happily started eating from my plate. Thankfully I wasn't too hungry else I would've been a little pissed because I protect my plate like an untrained dog would.

When we were done, I put the dishes into the sink. Kat said she had to leave so after she grabbed her purse from my room, we bid our reluctant farewells and she left. I didn't mind that she had taken my shorts and shirt. I never really wore those anyway. Later, when I was cleaning up my room, I noticed that she left her dress and bra. If I were a creepier guy, I probably would've had fun with them. Admittedly though, I did sniff her dress a little. Her perfume or lotion, or whatever it was that she wore to make her smell so good was positively intoxicating to me. I neatly folded the dress and put it in my closet along with her bra. Based on how things went the night before, I was mildly confident that she would be back.

Later that day, I called her and asked her out on an official date. She agreed without hesitation. I didn't forget to remind her about her clothing items in my closet. The way she received the news made me think she had planned to do that. Why? Well, girls are mysterious creatures. She epitomized that mystery.

Our date was planned for Friday night. After the call, we didn't interact much through the week except the occasional text. I was generally too busy to give too much attention to her. Finals were the week after so I was preparing for them. On Wednesday, I realized that I hadn't booked a place for our date. Thankfully Google existed. I managed to find a classy place that wasn't too expensive, made a reservation, then got back to studying.

*^*^*^*^*

Friday came around, and I treated it like any other day. I was swamped until the end of my last class so I didn't have any time to worry about her anyway. By the end of my last class, I was well and truly exhausted. That was when Kat texted me. Unfortunately, it wasn't good news.

"You know I told you about my second boyfriend?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

"He called me an hour ago after he got out of prison."

"For his sake, I hope he didn't try anything stupid."

"No.. he apologized for what he did, then shot himself in the head while he was on the phone with me."

"Oh shit, are you okay?"

"Definitely not. I have to cancel the date, I really can't handle being out in public right now."

"That's fine. We can always plan for another day."

"I still want to hang out. Can I come over tonight again? I really don't want to be alone."

"Sure, come over whenever you want. I'll be here."

I was very pissed at the date being canceled, but shit happens. I didn't let it get me down as I cleaned up my room. She didn't take long to get there. I let her in and she went straight to my room. She was wearing a pair of small, loose shorts and the shirt I gave her the week before. She had my shorts bundled in her hand. Her head was held low from the moment she walked in so I didn't even get to see her face until I joined her in my room. When she finally looked up at me, her eyes were red. She took off her glasses and wiped some tears away then put them back on. I motioned her to sit down on the bed and I joined her after she did. I put my arm around her and she put her head on my chest and sobbed.

"I hated that fucker, hated him with a passion. I would've killed him myself if it wasn't illegal. Why the fuck would he call me? Why? WHY!?" She buried her face further into my chest and sobbed. "I'm sorry for doing this to you. I don't know why I came to you first, but I just need to be around someone." I pulled her shoulders in more and put my chin on her head. It was hard to imagine how she felt. Honestly, I didn't know why she wasn't happy that fucker was dead. I guess there are some complexities of emotion that I never will understand.

We sat for a little longer. I wasn't really keeping track of time. It was just nice to be able to comfort her, not to mention I loved being so close to her. After a while, she shifted her head and I lifted my chin off her. She looked up at me with red eyes and bleeding makeup, yet she still looked beautiful.

"I wish you didn't have to see me like this," she said quietly.

"Well, I have a Guy Fawkes mask if you want to wear that," I said with the warmest smile I could muster. She smiled and kissed my cheek.

"I'm going to go wash my face. I'm done crying over this shit." She got up and went to the bathroom. I got to thinking about me and her. At this point, it was pretty certain that things were going to go further.. Or that she was friend-zoning me. That was the last thing I wanted at this point. I would've been less disappointed if she said she never wanted to see me again.

She walked back in shortly after she left. Her bleeding makeup was gone but her eyes were still red. In fact, all her makeup was gone, and my first suspicions were confirmed. She looked just as good without makeup as she did with it. The small dark patches under her eyes made her look more mature.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" I asked.

"No, I just want to lay down. Would you mind?"

"Not at all." I got off the bed and sat on my computer chair,

"Join me. I just told you I don't want to be alone."

Happily (Without seeming so), I got off the chair and laid down with her. Both of us were laying on our backs and staring at the ceiling.

"Are you wondering why I like you?" she asked. I looked over at her and she was still staring at the ceiling. I turned my gaze back up.

"Not really. Attraction is an unsolvable mystery to me. I tend not to care too much about things that are unsolvable," I lied.

"I'll tell you anyway. My first impressions have rarely been wrong. You're everything that bastard isn't."

"That's good to know," I said a little nonchalantly.

"Good with words." She turned on her side. "Why do you like me?"

"I didn't say I like you."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Curiosity."

"That's it?"

"There's more."

"What?"

The exchange happened very quickly. It would've take very little to mentally unbalance the other person. I happened to be the one to do the unbalancing. Acting on impulse, I turned over quickly and kissed her. It wasn't a long kiss, nor was it passionate, but she didn't back off, and she kissed back. I just looked at her after the kiss, trying to read her reaction and emotions. For a moment, she just looked dumbfounded, but then she smiled. I rubbed the scar on her arm where her boyfriend stabbed her and said, "Because you're real. You have real problems, real emotions, you seem to know what's significant and what isn't. Can I feel the scar on your belly?" She nodded and lifted up her shirt to expose everything up to her belly button. The tattoo that covered the scar was a raven, and "Nevermore" was printed in small letters underneath it. Why she chose that was a question for a later time. I put my hand on the side opposite the scar first and drifted over, savoring her silky smooth skin. When I reached the scar, I traced the shape, trying to figure out what the asshole's initials were. It was impossible to decipher, but I kept running my fingers over the scar.

"I've never let anyone touch it," she said looking straight into my eyes. She then leaned in and kissed me. We shifted closer to each other, close enough to where her breasts were pressing into my chest. We were still making out, except now we were breathing harder. I could feel her chest expanding and contracting a lot faster and her arms were exploring my back. My dick, being as preemptive as possible, was already getting hard. The shorts I was wearing hid nothing of my excitement and did even less to contain my length. It was soon grazing her thighs. That little contact was enough to get me to push closer to her to get more contact with her. My penis was pressed up against her, craving for release. Then, much to my dismay, she broke the kiss and said, "Wait, hold on." She pushed away from me and looked down to my crotch and looked back up. "I.. We shouldn't do this, not now." Thoroughly embarrassed, I put a pillow over my mid section.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have pushed it. Maybe-"

"No, please don't apologize." A lone tear slid down her cheek and landed on my bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"It's embarrassing."

"I don't judge."

"I know, I know.. I just.. Ever since he did that to me, I haven't let anyone touch me like that. I want you to, and I know you really want to, but I keep thinking of him. I'm so sorry-"

"You told me yourself, I am everything he's not. I won't hurt you, trust me." She looked into my eyes. "I'll never hurt you." With that, she shifted back to me.

"I know, I know you won't. I just can't doityet." Her eyes searched mine for my reaction. Seeing disappointment, she added, "But I can take care of you." Her warm smile and tongue-y kiss told me that she did feel uncomfortable about doing that. I certainly wasn't going to contest when she started raising slowly lifting my shirt up. Her soft petite hands felt like feathers on my skin. When my shirt was sufficiently bunched up, she broke the kiss and made me pull my shirt off. I didn't think she could do anything to turn me on more, but when she checked me out from crotch to chest, looking at me hungrily, it took all my willpower to keep my hands off her.

She started kissing my neck while exploring my body with her hands. Teasing seemed to be her strongpoint because she would briefly brush her fingers under my shorts and across my pubic hair before moving her hands back up to my chest. She did this for quite a while, almost driving me to insanity in the process. Finally, when I was ready to explode from anticipation alone, she massaged my dick through my shorts.

"Take off the shorts," she said. I willingly obliged and pulled them off with my boxers. I didn't want to delay any further. She smiled when she saw my package. "When I felt it on my back last week, I wasn't expecting it to be so big." That comment inflated my ego and my erection. She took me in her hand and slowly rubbed the head. "Sorry if I'm not good at this."

"You're doing fine," I said. It is very hard to do a handjob badly, especially if someone like Kat was doing it. We both went quiet as she continued working on me. It was a little awkward being completely naked next to her when she was completely clothed, although it was strangely erotic in a way. Instead of pondering on the situation, I decided to close my eyes and let the sensations pour over me. My goodness, they were good sensations. She was gentle yet firm with her strokes, and her soft, small hands were a very welcomed change from my large, rough ones.

Within too short a time period, I was ready to cum. I let Kat know I was close and she abruptly stopped. "Not just yet big guy." From then on, she carried on edging me. She was very good at reading my body language (And I did exaggerate a little because some torture is enjoyable). This continued for about half an hour until I couldn't hold myself back any more.

"Don't stop." I felt a warmth building in my lower belly and my whole body tensed up. I opened my eyes just in time to watch the first spurt of cum fly out of me. After seeing how far it squirted, Kat quickly put her other hand on top of my head to contain the mess and jacked me off faster. My orgasm intensified further as my cum squirted into her hand and dripped onto my belly. After the initial climax, sensitivity took over and I shuddered and shook. She relented and I relaxed, thoroughly satisfied and extremely happy.

"Do you have something to clean this up?" she asked.

"Yeah, there are some hand towels in that drawer." She quickly got off the bed, got the towels, and cleaned my mess. Then, she snuggled up to me. "That was amazing. I really, really wish I could return the favor."

She smiled at me sympathetically. "You will get to, just not yet." I couldn't help but feel extremely disappointed. Honestly, I would've preferred to pleasure her than have it the other way around.

"I hope it's soon because it's really hard to keep my hands off you. What do you want to do now?"

"I'm sleepy." She put her head on my chest and one of her legs onto mine then closed her eyes. "Let's sleep," she whispered. How could I sleep after that? I lay awake for another hour, occupying myself by running my fingers through her hair. She may or may not have been kept awake that, but she was smiling so obviously she was enjoying it. Then, sleep took over and it was soon forgotten that I was butt naked, with a gorgeous girl named Kat using me as her living, breathing physical and emotional comfort.

I woke up to find myself spooning with Kat again. Not surprisingly, I was rock hard. I shifted to stop poking her, then she said, "You're finally awake."

"How long have you been up?"

"About half an hour."

"You should've woke me up."

"You were enjoying yourself. And, I like the way you snore." She was stranger than I once thought, but why would that bother me?

"Nah, you just like being next to me when I'm naked," I joked.

"I do," she said seriously. She leaned over and kissed me. That kiss turned into a long makeout session that ended all to abruptly when she announced she was hungry. I don't think she had any idea how hungry I was for her. Without protesting, I got dressed and told her that we'd get some takeout. She happily agreed and we left the house. We ended up going to a no-name campus restaurant and ate there since there were so few people around. After we ate (And boy did she eat), we talked for a while.

Now, I'd love to spare you the dialog, but this conversation is crucial in understanding what kind of person she is.

"Do you want to talk about that guy," I asked.

"Not really, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to."

"Okay, start at the beginning."

The first part she described as being a completely normal in terms of building a relationship. He was a nice guy, kind of an ass, but not enough to make her turn him down. They started dating and that's when things went downhill.

"He started pressuring me for sex," she said, looking a little more distressed. "I mean, I wasn't a virgin at the time, but I didn't feel like I needed sex." She went quiet as a couple walked by us. "Is this awkward, talking about this with you?"

"Not really. I won't judge you."

"Well, I lost my virginity when I was 14 with my first boyfriend. I got drunk and things happened, most of which I don't remember. After that, I decided to not have sex until I was really ready. I wasn't ready when Cole started pressuring me.

"I never let him do anything to me other than kiss me. After a few months, he got really sick of it, so he slept with one of my friends when they were both drunk, and then slept with one of my good friends a week later when they were both sober. I decided to call him out. When I did, he was pretty drunk, but that didn't slow him down at all. He hit me across the head and I fell onto the bed. Then he held me down as he tore off most of my clothes." She hugged herself and looked blankly at the headboard behind me. "He told me that he did fuck them, but that they meant nothing, and that he loved me. Then, he got his knife out. 'If you move, you'll make it a lot worse for yourself.' He gagged me with one of my socks, then sat on my legs so I couldn't get up. He held my hands with one of his hands, then started carving his initials into me. I tried to struggle, but every time I did, he cut deeper-" She started crying quietly. I got up quickly and sat at her side. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"You don't have to continue."

"I want to. I haven't really talked to anyone about it. I need this." She continued quietly, her head still on my shoulder. "It hurt so bad. I couldn't even scream." I put my hand on the scar on her arm and affectionately rubbed it. "When he was done there, he tore off my panties and started taking off his pants. He had dropped the knife right beside my hip and I saw my opportunity. I twisted my hips and he fell off the bed pretty hard. He was still holding one of my hands, but I managed to get the knife with the other one. I grabbed it just before he pulled me off the bed. I don't know how he managed to see the knife in my hand in his state, but he tried to wrestle it out of my hand. In the process, he stabbed my arm.