All Comments on 'A Slave Story Pt. 01'

makings of a good story but your rushing it xx slow down thank you i look forward to next installment and be slower and more descripive xcx

This didn't have enough to it to be any good. Mindless violence. If he had shoved that big a plug into her virgin ass, he would have torn her sphincter muscle and she would be bleeding badly. Even for fiction this was badly done.

Please continue on with the story I will follow it and see where it goes..... sounds good so far please update soon I am really curious

One thing that I find helps a story is grammar and punctuation. It keeps the reading flowing so we don't have to stop and try to figure out what the author is trying to say. You achieved that and it made the story more enjoyable. Anonymous #2 seemed to think there was mindless violence. I think He/she should just stick to their usual reading selections from Dr. Suess. This is erotica and if you notice the title you should expect issues that may not have a romantic theme. I will watch for more chapters.

4 stars

For your first attempt at writing it is really good, and has the potential to blossom into a great story. I will agree with one of the previous comments that taking it a little bit slower and adding more description would add to this story a lot, it would take it from a good story to a great one.

One little very minor thing that I will point out (if you ever choose to re-write of polish this story), is that an injection to the neck is very unlikely. Such things are usually administered in fleshy areas, such as ones arm, leg, or buttocks. Legs and arms are much easier to pin down too, and less risky than ones neck also, if you're aiming to subdue as opposed to kill.

Other than those minor points you're doing really great! :)

Also to the commenter below me, I don't think that anon meant that the violence itself was unnecessary, more that in reality a plug shoved up a virgin ass will likely cause a lot of damage.

This was a great start and I'm looking forward to your next post. Proof reading your own work is important. I think you had her gagged and talking.

This is a good stat but why do you say '2 more coming'instead of two more coming. You spoiled the beginning.