A Tale of Two Wives Ch. 03

Dan and I went back to church but not to the Lutheran or the Catholic churches... it would have been way too complicated and hard for us both. We decided to join a small Episcopalian church close to where we lived. The minister, Brenda, was an outstanding woman, highly intelligent and with a very big heart; IQ and EQ in abundance. She made us feel welcome and helped us both in the healing process. Trying to worship God when you're carrying a huge burden of guilt is almost impossible but as my spiritual director, Brenda walked me step by step towards feeling accepted and forgiven.

Life was good. Dan's work at the hospital was as rewarding as ever, maybe better as he was doing more teaching than ever before. I was still content to be a stay at home mom. Dan bought me a Volvo V60 wagon, one of the safest cars on the road, so I could have some freedom and independence.

I felt embarrassed about the expense of the car, not to mention living rent free and enjoying all the other things Dan paid for. Occasionally I thought about getting my own place, not because I wanted to move out but because I felt bad about sponging off Dan. I also thought about finding a job so I could start to pay my share but Dan firmly dismissed these ideas.

"Tina, you know money's not a problem, it's nothing compared to your well being and Lily's. Any money I've spent, I've spent gladly. I don't want to be repaid and I'd be hurt if you tried. If you want to get a job sometime, for your own satisfaction, of course that's fine but there's no hurry. In the meantime, I have an outstanding live-in caregiver who I pay almost nothing. I'd say I'm getting a very good deal. The car's just part of the job package. As for moving out... please don't. Lily would be heartbroken and I'd miss having you around... a lot."

I rushed over and gave him a long, tight hug. We still didn't have much physical contact so I relished the familiar feeling of her body in my arms for as long as I could. I was falling in love with Dan all over again. I'd never stopped loving him but it was a love that looked back to the time we married. This new love was new and fresh and strong.

I was sure that Dan also loved me but our relationship was stuck in an awkward friend zone. We were living together as roommates and friends. Neither of us wanted to part but we couldn't come closer together. Two and a half years of harsh history was standing between us and neither of us could get past it.

Things came to a head on my birthday. Unlike many husbands, Dan had never forgotten the date even though he'd naturally missed the last two. He decided to celebrate this one in style with an early dinner at a good restaurant, a show (a rerun of Cats) and a gift from my favorite jewellry store. (It came with an exchange certificate in case he got it wrong.)

The evening was splendid and I was deeply touched and delighted. We had driven home, laughing and teasing but as we were sipping a nightcap I looked at him seriously.

"Dan how do you feel about me now... about us?" I had been thinking about this question a lot.

"Three out of three."

"You'll have to expand on that."

"My version of that Meatloaf song... I want you, I need you and I love you. For a while there I was extremely angry with you but I still loved you. Now there are other feelings in the mix as well. Sometimes I look at you and I just see the Tina I love... but other times I see you with Robert and I wonder what the hell I'm doing. And of course I still miss Katie and feel guilty that I'm living with another woman who I love... even if we're not... intimate. What about you... same questions?"

"I love you Dan. I know it's hard to believe but I never stopped. After that first crazy week, I thought about you all the time and immensely regretted what I'd done. Through all the bad times, thinking of you kept me going. I'd retreat to the happy place in my mind and that was when I was married to you.

I'm so grateful for all you've done most of all for trusting me with Lily and letting me love her. She's magic. More than anything, loving her healed me. I can't tell you how much I love that little girl. My love for her and my love for you is all bound up together. It would kill me to leave you both."

"No one's talking about leaving."

"But I can't go on living like this.... as a sort of a roommate... not after what we had. I have no right to ask this... after what I've done... but I'm asking anyway... please Dan can I share your bed tonight?"

As an answer Dan kissed me tenderly, took my hand and led me up to what would once again be our bedroom.

Working as a prostitute in the club could easily have put me off sex for life but thankfully I still wanted Dan. With him it was different and I was longing to make love. I wish I could say that we leapt into bed, made passionate love and lived happily ever after, but it didn't happen. Dan couldn't get it up.

Dan's POV

I have never suffered from erectile dysfunction, never even close. I've had lots of embarrassing erections I wished would go away, but lying in bed with a beautiful woman who I loved, I couldn't generate any sexual feelings at all. Even when Tina stroked my cock I remained completely flaccid. We kissed, we cuddled, we slept. Of course we were both disappointed but Tina was very understanding and coped bravely with the situation saying that she was glad to be back in my bed even if nothing happened.

For several nights Tina came to my bed and we slept together but didn't have sex of any kind. It wasn't just that I couldn't get an erection, I couldn't even bring myself to touch Tina's lovely body. Tina was naturally confused and hurt. I was puzzled myself. It was ten months since I'd last made love to Katie and since then I had only masturbated when necessary and hadn't come close to having sex with a woman. What was wrong with me?

I went to see my doctor and had a complete physical. There was nothing wrong with me. I was healthy and fully functional. He suggested I see a psychiatrist or try taking Viagra. I already suspected it wasn't a physical problem but I didn't want to get caught up, for weeks or months, in some form of therapy. I wanted to talk honestly with someone I knew I could trust. I called Brenda.

We met the next morning. She was insightful, compassionate and completely non-judgmental. The fact that she already knew a lot about our situation from counselling Tina meant that we didn't have to start from scratch but could get straight to the roots of my problem. One of these roots was the fact I felt I was cheating on Katie if I made love to Tina. Brenda addressed that guilt very directly.

"Dan, sadly I never knew Katie but from all you've told me she's a wonderfully loving and generous person. Correct?"

"Definitely."

"She's someone who wants you and Lily to be happy... and Tina."

"That's right. She never blamed Tina for what happened to us... Katie saw her as one of Robert's victims... one who paid a terrible price. Katie would be glad if we were all happy and I think she'd be pleased that Tina was recovering and the two of us were getting together again."

"Ok... you know that's true in your head now you've got to accept it deep down in your gut and really believe it's true. Remember the truth will set you free." Brenda grinned. "I'm sure I remember reading that somewhere. Katie will always be part of your lives. You're not betraying her or forgetting her. Now on to the other problem... don't be shy... I'm an old lady, I've heard everything at least twice."

It's not easy discussing sexual matters with an older woman, particularly when that woman is your minister, but I bit the bullet and carried on.

"I really do love Tina. We had a fantastic sex life when we were married... at least I thought so."

"She did too."

"I still find her very attractive... in every way... but whenever I try to make love to her I can't help thinking of all the guys who've used her, starting with Robert and then all her... clients at the club...it could be over a thousand... in every place, position and combination possible. And when I think about that my desire to have sex with her just isn't there."

"Well for a start I think your math is way out, from what Tina's told me, but the actual number doesn't matter. Her intentions matter. She never chose to go down that road... she was seduced by Robert and then trapped in a life she never wanted. Yes her body was used but somehow she managed to keep her soul separate from all that. Tell me Dan, do you think she's a different person?"

"I think she's a good deal sadder and deeper but essentially she's still the same Tina."

"So she hasn't changed into some sort of promiscuous slut?"

"Definitely not."

"You know she's clean... from any disease or drugs?"

"Yes. She's had several sets of tests."

"You know she hasn't touched another man for over nine months?"

"Yes."

"So you know she doesn't have any trace of another man on or in her body?"

"Yes I do."

"So once again you have to take all that head knowledge deep into yourself and really accept it... believe it! What's past is past. You've got to let it go and move on. You have a lovely woman who adores you and needs you. Tina can't be fully healed as long as you keep rejecting her sexually.

She finds the whole sex thing extremely difficult too, you know. For nearly two years sex was something she had to endure not something she wanted or enjoyed. Tina's told me that if she wasn't with you she'd never want sex again... she'd "never want to see another cock as long as she lived".

But with you it's different. Tina's sure that with you it will once again be an exchange of deep love not a meaningless, soulless physical act. Go and make love to her Dan, start to make yourselves whole."

Brenda put her hands on my head and prayed for me before I left. I don't know how many clergy have prayed to God that one of their flock would manage a huge hard-on and thoroughly fuck his woman but that's what Brenda prayed; not in those exact words of course but that was the guts of it and the strangest thing was, it worked!

That night I cooked my girls a meal of their favorites, fish sticks for Lily and for the adults salmon steaks with avocado washed down with a delectable Pinot Gris. I cleared up as Tina put Lily to bed. We both read her a bedtime story... using a variety of silly voices which amused my daughter greatly.

Back downstairs I put on some quiet music, dimmed the lights and we danced a succession of slow dances which became increasingly romantic as the tracks progressed. Finally we were barely swaying to the music while we kissed and caressed. It was time.

I led Tina up to the bedroom and ever so gently stripped off her clothes, kissing her body as I went. With sparkling eyes, Tina helped me remove mine. Her hand grasped my swelling cock.

"Oh dear, Doctor, what do we have here... some sort of swelling. And I do declare it's getting worse by the minute. Is it painful?"

"Dreadfully... and can lead to dangerously blue balls unless treated immediately."

"And what would that treatment be Doctor?"

"Repeated deep insertion into a warm, wet pussy. You wouldn't happen to know where I could find one?"

"Well you're in luck Doctor, I just happen to have one right here."

Tina lay back on the bed and opened her legs. I lay beside her, kissing her breasts, licking and sucking her nipples and tentatively stroking her pussy.

"It won't bite you know."

I worked my fingers inside her slit. She was dripping wet. Rubbing the ridge of her clit with a firm circling motion produced a throaty moan. I knew from long practice this was a sure way to bring Tina to an orgasm but this evening it wasn't what she wanted.

"Please Dan.... I need you inside me."

I rolled on top of Tina and stroked my erection around her pussy until it was well lubricated then prepared to enter. At that moment I almost lost it. My brain thought about the hundreds of cocks of all sizes that had been there, stretching her vagina until my average penis would be lost in a fleshy cavern, not even able to touch the sides. Thankfully the thought passed and I pressed into her warm, wet softness. Of course it wasn't virgin tight but it felt perfect, just as it always had.

As I fully penetrated Tina and our lower bodies pressed together, she let out a shuddering gasp. I withdrew almost all the way and thrust in deeply once more. Again the groan of pleasure. Three more strokes and she was overwhelmed by a prolonged, intense climax. I was both delighted and relieved. Her pussy felt so good and it had been so long for me that I knew I wouldn't last long before I came, but Tina had beaten me to it. I smiled down at her.

"Wow that was quick! I thought I was the one who was meant to come too soon."

"Listen here... living with you has been like six months of foreplay. And that's the first real orgasm I've had in nearly two years. You haven't begun to scratch my itch Doctor Drew."

We rolled over so that Tina was on top of me, my erection still hard inside her. She bent down and gently pressed her nose on the side of mine and then the other side. She grinned and explained.

"The gannet has landed."

My mind went back to those magnificent seabirds, soaring above the wild Tasman Sea then alighting by their cliff nest and greeting their life partner with their beaks. I reached up and held Tina's face.

"Forever" was all I said then kissed her passionately as she began to ride me to the best orgasm of my life.

We made love, off and on, all that night. Sometimes we'd just lie together with me inside Tina. Sometimes we'd doze then wake and make sleepy love or wake fully and rock the bed.

After this delightful marathon, we could have both used a long sleep in, but we were awakened at the usual time by a chorus of happy noises that would have done credit to a small zoo. Tina began to get up but I eased her back into bed.

"I've got this my love. You rest up for later." She didn't need much persuasion.

I went into my daughter who greeted me with shouts of "Deedee, Deedee!"

"Daddy"

"Deedee!" It never got old.

With Lily changed, dressed and ready for another day of mayhem, we went down to the kitchen to make her breakfast, cereal, juice and eggy toasty fingers. I also made coffee and french toast for Tina.

I carried it upstairs on a tray with a single flower. Lily could now make it up the stairs on her own, climbing each one at a time. Having conquered this mountaineering feat she ran to the bedroom as fast as her pudgy little legs would carry her, climbed onto the bed, with a gentle boost and flung herself on the half-asleep woman. Tina woke fully opening her arms and her heart for a cuddle. Lily looked at her adoringly and produced one of her first sentences.

"Love you mama."

Tina melted, tears sparkling in her eyes. Suddenly Katie was there with us, not in a way that I could see but in a way that was certain and her joyful smile filled the room with sunlight.