All Comments on 'After Hours'

Oh my she was forced to suck. Please I need to be her.

Your LIT debut has neither a beginning nor an end, alas, hence it is not even a "story" (in the strict sense of the word). Thus the reader is confronted with "characters" (barely more than names) whose actions she cannot relate to or "understand" (in the full sense of the word).

Furthermore the whole act of enticement or "seduction," i.e. how and why he and she get together after all, is missing from your non-story, leaving the reader with some sort of semi-dénouement (since even full-on intercourse is not happening in "After Hours") but without any sense of how or why.

Thus the reader is left dissatisfied by your LIT debut.

Still, though somewhat generic, "After Hours" is a nice story title—too bad that the story is missing from it.

–AJ

P.S.

For a raw sex vignette to work you need to incorporate either some element of resistance (to be duly overcome) or a frenzy of style (to truly capture the moment of ectasy); or, ideally, both. Alas, "After Hours" got neither because any possible resistance is unduly done away with almost instantly (she just nodding and being gularly unchallenged by nine inches of cock) and the writing, though terse, is too generic of porn clichés to qualify as hot-blooded or something in that vein.

not all of us on Lit expect you to be a scholar like Dr. Dictator does. It was a good story and I want more. This site is open to anyone with a passion to write or read erotica. Please post the next chapter soon!!

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