All Comments on 'Afternoon 3Light Ch. 01'

by SexMan1959

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  • 2 Comments
IndyMSpankUIndyMSpankUabout 18 years ago
Don't stop in the middle

It is paced a little too fast, and then you stop right in the middle of the story, not just the story, it seems like the middle of a line! Develop it a little more and then finish the story before you post a fragment.

H20waderH20waderabout 18 years ago
Agood use of

afternoon delight by liberty.

not bad needs work

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