All Comments on 'Alan's Thoughts Ch. 05b'

I quite like your story. It's fun, it's fresh, it's cute and did I mention that it's fun and plain and simple good entertainment? That in itself is a quality many other authors seem to neglect in favor of a grandiose plot.

And thus I applaud you, and would ask you to continue on this path. Leave the end-of-the-world prophecies and shadowy adversaries be; we've got enough of those.

... this series seems like fun!

I am enjoying this story immensely! The girls all seem to have different personalities and wants which keeps Alan using different methods of contol and keeps me interested. Looking forward to next chapter!

I have read a lot of mind control stories and agree that most are Total Domination or Apocalypse Now. type of stories your's is Fun and Different in the way the Girl's Do Not Become Mindless Sex Slaves. So I am all for Continuing .

The story continues to cause me to scratch my head. The Alan had some type of mind control powers and he doesn't ever seem to use them correctly. For example, he can make the policewoman believe whatever he wants to but he told her to the truth?

Instead of taking the women for himself, like Raina or using his power to get the jobs? Again, why? We don't know other than it seems the author doesn't want him too. He couldn't stop the policewoman from arresting him. Why? We don't know.

The story could be awesome if things was playing out differently.

I agree with the previous comment that the police woman (Sarah), doesn't ring true. When she first caught him in the bathroom stall with the girl at the beach, he could have simply fed her [It's no big deal, I'll just let him go]. Instead, he lets himself get arrested and taken downtown without once trying to stop her. In this chapter, he once again could have made her lose interest in knowing why he's so good in bed, but instead he tells her about his abilities. I don't like her character (too bossy and dominant), and so far there's no reason for any reader to feel any kind of empathy toward her.

Yeah wth is up with wtf how could he tell her the truth especially after she threatened to arrest and torture him ..

Love the humour. Keep up the good work.

Danger

5/5

He caved super-fast there when he could have easily got out of it. Seems rather forced for the sake of some plot that's coming I'm sure. I mean you can literally plant suggestion and make their body do anything basic (just tell her to faint, forget, or whatever, then bail); why the fuck would you cave to some threats from a cop who has no evidence or idea about your abilities? Pretty dumb this MC has become.

Sarah is fun.