All Comments on 'Alice in Chains Ch. 01'

Feel free to give feedback guys. Always helpful and welcome.

A new and rather young author. I wonder how tasty a morsel you are.

I almost left the story as I'm not into the humiliation, degradation and pain thing, and you are obviously going there. However, you asked nicely.

You chose your base tale well and have twisted it most compellingly. Lust is taking Alice well down the carnal rabbit hole. The dreams and the book are excellent mechanisms for driving the action. You make clear Lust has a window to her desires, but with her still mixed feelings a tag for reluctance or internal conflict would have been good. I somehow doubt that will be much of an issue going on. The temperature changes that mirror her emotional changes are a nice touch. Small detail, if he is down her throat then he is in fact actually choking her.

It reads like a fairy tale. It is dark and naughty. I didn't want to like it but I did, very much. My only hope is that you don't bury her too much in the humiliation, degradation and pain. Joyful hedonism, glorious abandonment and the full gamet of sensation are as powerful. Lust knows those, too. Your Alice might not now about them if they weren't in 'that book.'

I honestly wish you hadn't posted anonymously. While I enjoy my own friendly game of chase, I would also very much enjoy a direct line of contact to you, for your honesty and praise stroke my ego, while your suggestion will undoubtedly help it grow in the future. If you revisit and read this, I would very much appreciate you contacting me directly. It would be an honor to allow you to pick my brain and find out yourself just how tasty my own forbidden fruits are. I have other works in the making that I believe you would find to your liking, and I also plan on tailoring this to be more appealing as well. I am still quite rusty, since I haven't written since my preteens, especially erotica, but with assistance like yours and that of others I hope to see, I don't think it will be long. Thank you again and please do contact if you would.

Sincerely yours,

Paradox

That was good need more and longer