All Comments on 'AMOST - Keri II'

Another great story. Always fun to revisit old victims! It was interesting to see the girls actions when allowed some control, would this become a new theme in later stories along with the risks/dangers involved? Can't make it all too easy!

Keep it up!

....having got this far, however, I find your protagonist is a hateful monster, with nary an ounce of humanity or human interest.

Oh, but it's OK, right? Because at the end he'll make them forget everything.

Sorry, that doesn't erase that he raped and brutalized four women against their will for days on end....because he could. Nope, he's got no subtlety, nor any romance.

Except for the little blue pill, there's no way he gets it up so often and for so long.

In short, he's a freak and needs put down.....but only you have that power....and you won't, because you're mephisto. Sod.

I'm sorry, but I'm moving on. I found nothing worthwhile in this story....and please get control of your drifting tenses.

Thank you anons for your comments.

In order of posting:

Anon1: Glad you liked it. Yes, I try to have something different in each story; here it was a sequel, and there was some more risky actions by the protagonist. We might see some similar risk elements in later stories but not too much - I've described the protaginst as very risk averse, wouldn't want to contradict that.

Anan2: Glad you, uh, liked earlier ones at least?

"I find your protagonist is a hateful monster, with nary an ounce of humanity"

Pretty much, yes. That's what I was going for, glad you picked up on it.

"Oh, but it's OK, right? Because at the end he'll make them forget everything."

It's okay from the protagonist's point of view, which is the voice used in the story. But he is, as you say, a hateful monster. Not a moral guide at all.

"Nope, he's got no subtlety, nor any romance."

Monsters don't tend to be subtle.

As for romance, I deliberately restricted the protaginst's power set to prevent the short cut of making women fall in love/lust with him. Personally that creeps me out - it's one thing for the mind controller to think what he is doing is okay; it's another thing entirely to have other characters in the story agree with him.

(Or if you mean some other form of romance, well that obviously doesn't have a place in a story like this.)

"Except for the little blue pill, there's no way he gets it up so often and for so long."

Ha, yes, that's pretty unrealistic. I'll have to beg artistic license there; it's a common enough trope in porn stories you'll find. At least I did allow him to rest and even sleep sometimes.

"In short, he's a freak and needs put down.....but only you have that power....and you won't, because you're mephisto. Sod."

The name is a reference (tribute?) to another porn writer. Whose work I suspect you would not enjoy.

"I'm sorry, but I'm moving on. I found nothing worthwhile in this story...."

I hope you find something more to your taste.

"and please get control of your drifting tenses."

That annoys me too, I seem to have trouble deciding on past or present tense. Tell you what, I'll try to rein in my tenses if you try to ease up on the elipses, alright?

(I was going to pick up on "nary" as well, but a short google proved it is still in use in Appalachia. So I guess you are just using a regional dialect, not trying to sound clever by using unnecessary anachronisms. Because that would be silly.)

MePe

Thanks again Mephisto; for what it's worth, I detest rape in the real world and would of course be disgusted by the actions of anyone like the protagonist if they existed.

However, they don't. This is fantasy and it's a fantasy that is shared by a lot of men and women. My fiance and I love this sort of stuff... I'm a lawyer and she's a nurse, we pay our taxes and donate our time and money to charity.

Keep writing your excellent stories and don't let the haters put you down.

you mention in some of your stories that he may not be alone in his abilities or is being hunted (possibly) you might want to develop that part of the story somehow

just a thought