All Comments on 'Amy and Brian Ch. 03'

I gave you a three if you're wondering. Here are my two cents on tips to help you.

1: Don't rush you are moving far to fast with the emotions. He is raving mad attacts a man then the mans wife almost instantly calms him down. Part of this is buying into your own dialogue. Split yourself when writing no person believes everything someone says. As she was talking to him have him confront her angrily. Have him be skeptical of her motivations. Angry at her for betraying his friendship. Or just pissed that she was taking her husbands side. The point is that you had a lot of ways to go and you went with the easiest he just believes her. The whole confrontation was much too quick emotionally. Take it slow with stuff like that it's the heart of your story.

2: Good foreshadowing of your story. I'm not fan of surprise endings I feel that if you have written well then the readers should be able to anticipate your characters. If I have friend who does something that shocks me than I don't know them well. Same for characters if they do something that shocks me you haven't written them well.

3: Somethings just don't work out. In life it's messy. Don't try to make your story neat. You have the kids angle all filled out I would of developed that more. Anger of her hiding it. Anger over it even being done. Worry if the other kids are his. And at least struggling with the idea of just cutting and running on the kid. It's a natural response. But you sewed that up. Next time don't cheat yourself out of character development that good. It was an opportunity to show us his inner working and who he really is.

4: People are hypocrites. We all are it's not a moral judgement just an observation. Use it. She may be angry at his cheating even if she cheated. Allow characters to be self interested.

Good Luck

Give it up. Seek counseling and maybe someday your vestigial scrotum will drop and you'll be masculine enough to write about men. Just an abysmally stupid story about abysmally stupid characters.

You can write chapters upon chapters about Chris and Amy being fucking whores.

But you cannot write one decent chapter about how Brian reacts. Barely 2 pages in this. The story was rushed and the confrontation happened just for names sake.

No matter what happens, in rl Chris does not get to keep his balls.

Also fuck up Liz, and Jessica when she reaches adulthood. ( Actually Im just saying this to piss off those who whine about BTB and annons.)

But seriously Chris doesn't get off this lightly. He was Brian's best friend once. They fucked while he was in the same house watching the kids...

Write a more realistic reaction by Brian.

Also this story does not merit a reconciliation. Some writers do manage to do that beautifully. I don't think you can.

Amy ( the cunt) doesn't merit it. And you have not spent nearly enough time on these folks to make it in anyway believable. With just one more chap to go that isn't going to happen realistically.

Don't use sad excuses, like she had a messed up childhood etc( who doesn't?)

Bad people do bad things. It has very little to do with their childhood family dysfunction.

_ Wes.

Still, what it's difficult for me to accept: The false friend's character 180º turn...Even with the help of psychiatric help, it's hard to believe a 15 years long cheater, that hadn't any minim moral that prevent him to cheat a best friend in his own home, while he take care of the children, just a few paces of him, could change into a very different man...I could believe that kind of transformation, after a person have a foot in the grave and almost looked the devil in the eye...Not what he went through...As soon as he met her in the shopping mall, he would be cheating again...For me this is the weak point of this story...Now I'm waiting to see what destiny has the writer reserved to Amy and Brian...Amy (unlike Chris) stayed her true self, getting another lover fast...What will Brian do? Let's wait and rate the whole story in the end...for now 2*, because of Chris...

If cheating is wrong, if having an affair is the penultimate sin, then Brian and Liz are just as guilty, just as immoral as Amy and Chris. After all, they cheated on their spouses and the reasons don't matter. If Amy and Chris are to be held accountable for their betrayals, then it stands to reason that so should Brian and Liz because they cheated as well.

Until you can resolve this bullshit, you have written no winners, only whiners.

Chris and Liz are on borrowed time. Once their children are grown and memories fade, the selfishness and cruelty that Chris exhibited will be right in Liz's eye. And as Liz ages and gets less attractive Chris will remember the excitement and thrill of Amy, and he will be tempted, and Liz will know he is thinking, and maybe planning, to cheat again. And she knows he is skilled at hiding it. I suspect at that point Liz will hang around as long as the money and security are there, unless a better opportunity comes along. Chris and Liz will live lives of suspicion, regret, distrust, and eternal unease. How long can that relationship last?

Amy is damaged goods, and mentally ill. She used Brian, and would still be using him if she hadn't got caught. She simply is not mentally and morally competent to be a good wife, nor a good woman for that matter. And Brian knows that if she thinks she can get away with it she will cheat again, she can't help herself. If they go to counseling and Brian learns how Chris and Amy started, and continued, he will have to see that she lacks the moral fiber to rehabilitate herself. At that point it will be what is best for his children, and himself. If he is smart, Brian will start a new life with a new woman, and show his children how a real man confronts reality and moves forward to improve all their lives.

But Brian has shown some weakness, obtuseness, and submissiveness to Amy, so using the kids as an excuse, he may hang around as the moping morose cuckold. Amy might stay clean until the kids are gone, or not. Brian will stop caring, as long as the kids are not humiliated. He will accept the humiliation and eventually become numb to it. Once the kids are gone Amy will finally dump her successful prosperous but worthless husband for whom she has lost all respect, take half of what she can get, and live the rest of her life fucking around for as long as anyone will have her. Brian will live a sad lonely life. His kids will come to understand their mother's lack of respect for this weak empty man, but will stay in touch and throw him some sympathetic love, just to stay in his will if for no other reason.

Looking forward to see which Brian you manifest in the conclusion.

please everyone in real life chris and brian wife would have no chance of forgiveness after what they did unless brian was a sicko, so weite your own ending and move on.

Author - well done for the most part.

Didnt you finish this your just pissing off the readers now.

Is that the characters are such unlikeable, whiny, pathetic people. With no one to root for, it makes the story uninteresting and just no fun to read.

How could he even think about staying with his wife. What she did was UNFORGIVABLE . She not only had a 20 affair with his best friend with all the secrets , lies and sneaking she had to do but then went and maybe had the friends kid. She was fucking the friend on family vacations while getting pregnant . To top all that off which is almost impossible she starts to fuck a kid almost her sons age and is outed by his mother. No man could live with that and shouldn't have to. His kids will always love him and also will learn of the humiliation the mother put him through. Brian sees how much cat wants him and he wants her . Time for a restart his whole life with Amy is a fraud . Everything he ever did with her is spoiled to the fact that was it always the friend she was thinking of if she fucked him for the whole time they were together. Was she talking bad about her husband while she was with the friend hubby will never know for sure. Also the secrets they kept all those years . Also why did she start with a new dick , she obviously is not satisfied with her husband . Dump the cunt and start over .

You are kidding right? We go through all the back story and now that it has all come undone you are finishing all this in two chapters? Short chapters at best?

Not for nothing but I can already predict the end then... he got his dick wet and he is going to divorce Amy without helping her... all as an excuse to get laid by a new younger model wife. He is going to have all this guilt/angst emotion for a paragraph or two. He will them puff out his chest for the kids sake... and then justify why he has to go get the new lady and boom... over and done. At least Chris and Liz had some story to their end. I take away 3 stars.

This went from a good story to quick Chinese take out.... good but leaves you hungry after a half an hour.

I try to stay out of the comments for the most part; everyone is entitled to their opinion and I'm sorry if you're not enjoying the story. But I got a good laugh out of the fact that I see one comment killing me for not ending the story already, and two comments down another person is killing me for going too fast and ending it too soon. Sorry but I can't do both.

This is a very enjoyable story. I like the character and relationship development. The story line comes across as quite realistic.

Reconciliation is just not satisfying as an ending. People don't read these stories to be bored or preached to. Reconciliation is boring and preachy.

Your one fucked up son of a bitch I think you whacking your doodle to much and to often to think the way that you do in your comment. In my opinion the author let Chris off with no consequences or hardly any for his part in the affair, he was fucking his best friends girl and then wife for 16 or 20 years some friend NOT, and Amy what a prize, fucking dipshit the night before her wedding in the house that Brian bought for them she fucked dipshit in every room , but she wouldn't in the marriage bed after all she had her scruples, and now I suppose your going to have Brian stay with the slut because of the children and have a miserable life stuck with in a loveless marriage on his part. I know being a man I couldn't stay with a bitch like that , most men would bail no matter what the cost In this story you created the two most despicable human beings I have eve read in this forum. I await the final chapter but truthful in not expecting much.

Come on author, get a grip, when does that ever happen in real life! it spoils the story for me.

TO EVERY STORY RATED BY VASTIESMITH2 AKA BONNIETAYLOR2!

LET'S DRIVE HER DISEASED CUNT OUT OF HERE!

Its a fucking story, get a grip. I'm hanging in there with you till the bitter end. It's 6am here in good old England and I have been at this from the start so only a little while till the end so I might get some sleep.. :)

NOTHING else needs to be said ... END OF STORY!!!

OH and Bonnie/Vastie ... your still the biggest pieces of shit to ever disgrace Cuckorotica!!!

To bad you been BANNED and can't respond SLUT!!!

Why is there any question about staying with a woman who had had numerous affairs for 15 years? See ya slut. I'm going for full custody. Get an attorney.

Brian has now been setup to play the fool in the finale. After twenty years of betrayal by the two closest folks in his life, expect a joyous finish with absolution for transgressors, Amy and Chris.

You have some really messed up people to write about here. It will be interesting to see how you clean it up. No one to like here, not even Cat. She put it out there for Brian at his lowest ebb and he fell right in. Please no RAAC with Amy,.she is a stone whore.

Your upbringing Laf must have been really very sad… the way you try to soften the blows against the cheaters… the avenues u give them to wriggle out.. all happy ending for chris… an ok ending for Amy! WTF?? Are u a cheater urself? Hence u symphatise with cheaters??

this is utter nonsense, completely unbelievable and shallow rendering of MC.

You called this writing.........please be more considerate of your readers. Not worth a 1.

Wow why do you hate him so much? You let Chris, Liz and Amy do insanely shitty things and then make the husband the spineless door mat? What a terrible story.

The husband turns into a wimp. He let the wife of the guy who cucked him, talk him into accepting the bastard her husband sired. I would have that kid on his doorstep, meeting his daddy and new family. This story went to hell.

Gag!