All Comments on 'An Afternoon at the Gym Ch. 01'

Interesting idea, but poorly written.

My suggestion is to quote a lot more of the dialog rather than explain it. e.g.

"Lie on the examination table and part your legs as wide as you can" Frank demanded, rather than

"Miss Johnson was told to lie on the examination table and part her legs as wide as she could."

Thank you for taking the time and effort to provide helpful and constructive advice. I will take it on board and possibly re-write the chapter.

You put organism instead of orgasm. Not that big of a mistake, but kinda killed the mentality I had going. Lol.

I was so caught up in my own pleasure during of this story. But yes Add some quotations and it’s great. I mean I definitely was able to use this story for its intended purpose. Thanks!!