All Comments on 'Anal Adventure'

by madeumoan69

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  • 2 Comments
Max47Max47about 16 years ago
The "I"s have it.

Good story theme was minimized by the over use of "I". It's a trap you have to be careful of when writing in the first person. Also, the tense changed a few times. Nothing blatent, but still detracting. This could be a very good story with a re-write.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Please, pick a tense!

This is a decent story, but the constant switching between past and present tense is distracting.

Anonymous
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