All Comments on 'Anal Adventure'

by madeumoan69

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  • 2 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Please, pick a tense!

This is a decent story, but the constant switching between past and present tense is distracting.

Max47Max47about 16 years ago
The "I"s have it.

Good story theme was minimized by the over use of "I". It's a trap you have to be careful of when writing in the first person. Also, the tense changed a few times. Nothing blatent, but still detracting. This could be a very good story with a re-write.

Anonymous
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