And Other Duties As Required Ch. 08-10

If it was just me, fine, I'd work myself to the bone if I had to. But for good or for ill, we were in this together. I couldn't do it alone.

"Dance with me." I held out a hand invitingly, "Come on. I want to go over our moves for the concert."

"Miki..." Min came up from her dildo with a slobbering shlorp and a weary expression. "We've been training all day. Isn't that enough?"

"Yeah, but despite that we haven't danced - or sang - once! What are we going to do when we get on stage? We need to be going over it daily."

The two exchanged a worried look. They were crashed out on the couch, watching Min's soap operas and masturbating. We didn't have a lot of free time; a scant few hours a night. This was basically asking them to give up their whole life outside of work.

"Miki, it's okay." Meiling's motherly tone was undermined by the soft husk of arousal her masturbation had engendered. "You're nervous. That's fine. It's alright to be nervous. But it's important to still take the time to rest and relax."

"I- I am not nervous!" I reeled, face red. She was right. I was nervous. I was terrified. It was going to be a nightmare.

"Please." I closed my eyes. It hurt to ask. "I'd just... I'd feel a lot better about all this if we were doing this. Think of it as a... a teambuilding exercise?"

They laughed. My fist tightened.

"Okay, Miki." Meiling stood. "I'll dance with you."

"Aren't we..." Min looked incredulously between me and Meiling, then down to her tits. She had just taken her bras off not thirty minutes ago. "Aren't we a team enough?"

The knife in my heart twisted. We were supposed to be. Apparently, they wanted nothing to do with me.

"Min..." Meiling spoke softly.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes.

I hated it. That condescension? That pity? But if this is what it took, this is what it took.

An hour later, Min came crashing tits-first to the floor. Rage flashed through me as she struggled to get back up. She stumbled three feet then crashed down onto the couch, cradling her boobs. What was she doing? We had just started. Was she just giving up already? Meiling rushed over beside her. The next song started without them.

They... they weren't even trying. They were acting like girls dancing around at a sleepover, not... not professionals. We needed to be better than this. We had to be better than this!

Sure, conditions weren't ideal. We were competing for space in front of the full length mirror we had moved into the living room. We had pushed the couch and tv out of the way to make room, but there still wasn't a lot of space to maneuver. It was the best we could do though, and we had to make it work, even as I kept getting bowled over by Meiling's big fat butt and Min's gigantic tits.

That was another problem. The two of them were having as much trouble with their new endowments as I had. What little dancing we did manage to pull off looked liked a porn-parody of an idol act. Damn these salacious, horny bodies. The new sexual fire burning with them, - within us, - it left a smouldering refrain in every little motion. God, the lusty implications of three horny girls pressed close together was tempting enough, but the way we moved and swayed and bounced... we looked like were warming up a bachelor party.

I looked over at Min on the couch, groping at her huge aching tits. This whole thing had been a complete disaster, but that was no reason to give up!

They weren't taking this seriously, that was the problem. Here I was trying to help them - trying to improve them - and they were giggling and joking and making out between sets. They cared more about having a good time than putting in the effort.

"Again."

"What?" scoffed Min. "We've been going for an hour!"

"It's not good enough! You're moving around like amateurs!"

"It's late, Miki," Meiling's voice was soft but stern. "We're tired."

"Tired!?" did they think I wasn't? That it wasn't a pain to struggle through every move? A day of fucking had left us all sore in places I didn't even want to think about, and now we had to push muscles that had already started to fall out of practice. Of course we were tired.

I could feel it first hand. All that struggle I had put into that first week was so rapidly spinning apart. The moves were there, but they were sloppy and my endurance was shot. I was a disgrace. That was the part that hurt the most- that somehow, despite not even trying, these girls were still doing better than me.

I roiled. How quickly the knife dulls, how absolute the pursuit of perfection must be.

"Fine." I turned away. I was shaking but not from the exertion. "Fine! But when we're up there on stage making idiots of ourselves, I'll remember that it's all okay. After all, you were tired. That makes everything better, right?"

The two stared, shocked.

"Miki..." Meilings voice was equal parts concern and warning.

I huffed as I stormed out of the room, head spinning. Couldn't they see how important this was?

"Miki wait." Meiling's warm bust pressed into my back as her arms wrapped around me from behind. "I know your worried. It's a big concert. But everything's going to be okay. We've been working hard. When the time comes, we're going to do great. Just you wait and see."

"I..." water welled in my eyes. I blinked them away before she could see. "We'd better." I stepped out of her arms and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Silent drops fell on my knees as I sat down. I couldn't let them see me like this.

Somehow, I managed to convince them to agree to two hours of practice a night. Meiling had talked to Min about it and they could both see that it was clearly important to me. More of their pity. In my more lucid moments, I could recognize it for the kindness it was. Those girls deserved better than me. I hated that I had to put them through all this.

We struggled every night. Madeline would be looking for even the slightest flaw, she'd take any excuse to declare victory. Worse, that bitch was going to cheat. We had to be ready for anything.

But two hours, no matter how exhausting, just wasn't cutting it. We made progress, sure, but it wasn't enough. We were too tired to focus, too distracted to correct our errors. Day after day of the same mistakes over and over. Was it any wonder it wore at me so?

I slept poorly. Each night I would lay in bed, the two of them cuddled next to me in a post-coital bliss as worst-case scenarios played through my head like nightmares.

Another week went by like that. Of me pushing us all to our limits, of our morale slipping, of my patience wearing thin. I tried to keep it all bottled up inside, I tried to keep my witch-heart from controlling me, but when it spilled out it mixed so seamlessly with the anger that drove me.

And then on Saturday everything came to a head.

Meiling pushed into the jump section. She was the lead for it - all eyes would be on her. The choreo called for it to look effortless, almost accidental. It was the key to selling the whole mood. But her big fat stupid butt kept throwing off her landings. She was making the timing, but the movements were sloppy and exaggerated.

Min dove to the front for the rap portion, slurring and stumbling her way through each line, just barely hitting the last words. She kept insisting that her tongue was tired, and that the last words were the only ones that mattered anyway. Of course her tongue was tired - she spent all her free time with it wrapped around a dildo.

She fell back, I stepped forward, squeezing my way through their curvy bodies. I stared in the mirror as we held our hands out into a heart, hips bouncing in time to the music. My grin did little to disguise the agony in my eyes, the resentment. I grinned harder.

We'd just been over this yesterday. And the day before. Somehow, we'd gotten worse. I pushed and I pushed but they were so slow to learn and there was so little time. If this was just me I could... I don't know, I could stay up all night working, I could push through no matter how exhausted, no matter how hurt. I could endure any pain. But these girls - the revelation hit me like a freight train - these girls were holding me back.

I should have run when I had the chance.

My already intense breathing grew ragged. Where had that thought come from? I shook my head. All I knew is that I was angry.

Harder. We dove into the next section. The girls were still off their marks and had now fallen out of sync. We were fucked. If this was all we could bring to the table, then what hope did we have? Madeline was going to win and there was nothing I could do.

"Harder!" I screamed as we moved on through one more pass. "Can't we have one take where we don't look like fucking elephants?" The girls sighed and went into it.

And then, like the clouds parting after a storm, a ray of hope peaked through the bleak sky. They actually hit their marks. Oh, they were struggling, but this... this was passible. I don't know how, but through some accident or miracle, we were actually doing it. A clean run. Everybody was hitting their marks. Everybody had just the right amount of energy.

We swayed, hands to chests, beating to the sound of the music, beating to the pump of my heart, to the desperate cloying adrenaline in my brain. Rising to the crescendo.

We almost had it. We were going to do it. Hope.

And then it all came tumbling down.

We were in the final section. Meiling landed hard. Too hard. Too much weight. Her ankle wobbled and caved, her knee bending, her mass not stopping. She barreled forward, stumbling to recover herself before crashing down onto the table, taking all of my hopes with her. The lamp teetered and shattered, broken ceramics and glass everywhere.

The song ended. Silence.

"You..." My fist shook. "You stupid bitch!" I slammed a foot down. "Can't you do anything right!? You fat useless cow! We were so close!"

Her eyes were on the verge of tears. My stomach lurched. I felt like I'd just kicked a puppy.

"Miki!"

I stumbled back. Heat flushing through my face, my own tears welling hot.

"I- I'm..."

Apologize. I had to fucking apologize. Why was this so hard? It was a battle just to force out any words at all. So I didn't. I turned and I ran, head swimming, vision blurring. I was moving on instinct, running for my life.

What had I done? What had I done?

"Miki!" cried Min, her delicate feet pounding the floor behind me. I didn't know how someone with boobs like that could move so fast. "What the actual fuck!?"

I stepped in the study and slammed the door shut behind me. My breath was short and ragged.

"How dare you!" Min's hand pounded against the door "Meiling is /crying!/"

"How dare I? How dare I!?" My fist shook. "After a display like that? What would people thing if that happened at the concert?"

I swallowed hard. What the fuck was I saying?

"The concert? Jesus christ, Miki, get your priorities in fucking order! All day long we work our asses off for this concert. Don't you dare belittle that effort! Don't you put her down like that for one little screwup! We don't fucking turn on each other like that! She could have been hurt!"

'I-"

"What the fuck is wrong with you lately, huh!? God, you've always been a bitch, but at least you've cared."

"I care!"

"Well you have a funny fucking way of showing it. Ever since the handshake you've been nothing but distant. You keep swinging between acting like you're too good for us or jealous out your ass. Christ, you act like you'd be better off without us."

"No!" Had I been so obvious? "You... you have no idea what you're talking about! The sacrifices I made for you! I'm trying to help!"

"So why don't you fucking act like it? You're a grown-ass woman, Miki. And we're your teammates, your friends. But don't go and assume we're going to put up with this kind of abusive bullshit!"

A hot tear ran down my eye. How dare she lecture me. "I... It's not like that!"

"I don't want to hear it. I'm going to go check on Meiling. You need to grow the fuck up."

She walked away. I slammed a fist into the wall, then slid down and pulled my knees into my chest.

They didn't get it. They couldn't see I was trying to help. Fuck, it was all falling apart.

I was shaking. I couldn't let it end like this. I had to do something. Anything. But what? No matter how hard I pushed, it just made things worse. I had to take drastic measures.

There was one person capable of helping me. It was crazy and desperate. Even though the thought of turning to her made my stomach churn. I'd rather die than admit that kind of defeat - but this wasn't just my life on the line was it?

I picked up the phone. I just had to pray she was in a forgiving mood.

-

There was a knock at the bedroom door.

"What do you want, Miki?" came the response.

"I came to apologize."

"Yeah, well, too little, too late."

"Please." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Please hear me out."

"I said beat it. You've caused enough harm."

"I-" I leaned against the door. "I wont. I need to make this right."

"I don't want to fucking hear it! You've done enough damage as is."

"You told me I needed to grow up, Min. Listen, you -" the words struggled from my mouth. "You were right."

"Huh?"

"It's... it's really hard for me to say." I leaned my back against the door and took a big breath "But you were right about everything. I was jealous. And bitter. And a huge colossal bitch. And I did think I would be better off without the two of you. And I want to say that none of that is me, not really, but I can't help but feel these things all the time and I hate it."

There was a pause.

"What are you playing at, Miki?"

"I... I can't help what's in my heart. And a lot of what's in there is..." I squirmed, trying to find the words. My blood boiled with humiliation. I had to fight through every instinct to run. I was putting my neck out for these hungry wolves, just waiting for them to strike. But - I took another breath - but that wasn't true was it? "A lot of what's in there is dark and hurt and scared."

There was shuffling noise from the bed. Someone was coming closer to the door.

"When I see you struggling with something like dancing it hurts because I know how good you can be. Because I want us to be the best! And I'm terrified that we're not going to live up to our potential - that we're going to humiliate ourselves on stage and that everyone will laugh. I-" my face was red - "I don't want that. So I push. And I push and I push, because we're so close and I can push myself to the grindstone until I break - I can endure all that punishment, but I can't force it upon you. And that makes me feel helpless and impotent and like no matter what I do it won't be enough. So I lash out."

"Miki - you know we would-"

"No, Min, please. This is hard enough. Let me finish."

"Because see, I've also been jealous. Watching you two succeed hurts. Because you're good. Because you're so much better than I am. And logically, I know that it's great. I love you two so much and I want to see you successful and happy... but whenever you two step into the sun, it terrifies me. It terrifies me because I feel like I won't be able to compete. Like I'm going to get left behind. Like as soon as you come to bear, I'm not going to matter. And, god help me, that makes me want to fight: to kick and to scream and to push you away so I don't get shoved down hill. But please, understand that hurting you is the last thing I want to do!"

"Oh my god, Miki. What the shit are you saying?" Min opened the door, I tumbled inside.

"I spoke to Mia."

"Who?"

"Mia Michaleson."'

"The washed-up Idol? Wait," Min shook her head. "How do you know Mia Michaleson?"

"That's not important." I rose to my feet and took Mins hands into mine. Meiling was on the bed, her arms wrapped around a tear-soaked pillow. "What is important is what she told me. Because, see, she has a whole lifetime of jealousy and bitterness behind her. She let it drive her, let it feed her behavior, and look at where she ended up. She pushed away everybody she could have ever called a friend. Now her life is in ruins and she has nothing but ghosts and regrets."

"Miki, you're not -"

"And when I spoke to her, she told me that I had to let myself be vulnerable. I had to trust the people in my life. I had to be honest with them instead of keeping it all inside. Because yes, its a black spot in my heart but it's something that affects us all. And I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to face that it wasn't something I could handle, I didn't want to admit that keeping it locked up is only going to make it worse. But I have to. I have to accept that I'm broken and that I can't fix myself. Not alone."

I paused to consider that actual Madeline didn't regret a single thing, but I don't think she could see the forest for the trees. Oh, she hurt, I was sure -- but she doubled down on it. I almost felt bad for her. She didn't have people to feel vulnerable for.

"Oh my god, Miki, you're being such a drama queen. What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying I don't want that controlling my life! I don't want to be that woman! But it's hard. This whole time I've been letting my heart guide me, because that stubborn little ball of anger has been working like crazy to push me forward, to keep me safe. But now its lashing out at everybody that tries to get close - at you and Meiling and Mia. So now I need to set it aside. I need to let myself be open, trust that you aren't going to hurt me, that you aren't going to betray me or abandon me or cast me aside, even..." I turned my quivering eyes to Meiling, "even when you have every right to. This darkness... it's not something I want. But it's something I'm going to have to live with."

God, who had hurt Madeline I wondered? Is that why she was so angry at me?

"I..." Min stood stunned, trying to process everything. She didn't like what she was hearing.

"What I did today was unacceptable." I gripped her hands tighter; tears fell down my cheeks. "What I've been doing the past week. I never wanted to hurt you. It'll take work, but I want you to succeed. I want us to be in this together! I want it to be the three of us, standing on the stage showing Madeline, showing the world, what we're made of."

"You-" Min was shaking. Her voice was dark. She turned her head away and took a step back. "You think you can just come in here with that crap and expect that to make everything better?"

"No." I took a step closer. "No, I don't. I can't promise I won't be bitter or jealous. Seeing the way you two light up a room is still going to make my heart ache. But I'm going to stop and take a breath and ignore the pain, push past it, not let it decide who I get to be. I'm going to be open and honest about what's happening. It's my heart, damnit, regardless of what's swimming around in it. Sometimes that will be easier than others. I just... I hope you'll stick with me."

"Miki," Min pulled her hands away and stuck them on her hips. "I don't know what kind of epiphany you think you've had, but what you've done is -"

Before she could finish though, Meiling rushed over to pull me into a hug.

"Meiling!" Min sighed.

But she was pulled in too. The three of us in mutual embrace. Meiling's hugs were inescapable. Min's stubbornness melting in the arms of her two best friends.

She would come around. I'd see to that. If I couldn't convince her through words, I'd do it through deeds. I'd prove it, one day at a time. I'd show her that I was going to be a better person, that I wasn't going to end up like Madeline no matter how much of her I had inside of me.

And though it was a struggle, I let myself hurt, I left myself open and honest. And you know what? We thrived because of it.