All Comments on 'Angela Pt. 04'

The main character doesn't ride off into the sunset with the leading lady, and I'm okay with that. It was too bad he didn't get the girl, but it was the right ending for them both. Thank you for sharing a slightly different version of a romance, and look forward to reading your next offering.

Cheers!

As I was writing this story, Simon was going to be the 'winner' in getting Angela, but the story changed in my mind as it progressed. Half way through the third chapter, I knew that she was going to stay with Steve.

The question in my mind is: how will Angela deal with having kept the truth about having lost her virginity to Simon, and not her long-time boyfriend? That's another story, but I'm not sure how to develop it.

Pretty good stuff, RR. Simon doesn't know it, but he sort of dodged a bullet. She cheated on Steve - a possibly forgivable drunken slip...but then cheated on him again that time in the shower; and shower notwithstanding, she never came clean. That doesn't sound like the girl to build a future with. I'm interested to read about how things go with Carmen. Not so much with Angela and poor, clueless Steve.

Thanks for the story.

Cog

I think everyone wants Simon to get with Angie because of how much he loves her. He took time to tell her how he truly feels, he even switched up his schedule just to find ways to show her that he isn't some push over plus he was able to protect her when she wasn't even around by getting the picture of them. Now can we please see them end up together and share true love and be happy with each other.

that's the kind of mom I wished I could have had.

I know fiction doesn't have to make sense but this was time wasting! What a fucking wimp like YOU the writer. No one reads here to be led like a lamb to the shithouse! You CAN obviously write so why waste you talent on this. I cannot see ANY justification for this ending and simple Simon. So she really loves Stevie even though she fucked around on him? She gets married to be a vet on some farm! Not even Mills and Boon is this bad! In ANY literature good must be rewarded and the bad or evil should be punished. You wrote this WHY? I am so angry that I will not read ANY of you stories. KAK!!!! 2 Stars because 1 star gets deleted!

Wow, it seems like I’ve come across “good guy doesn’t get the girl” stories a lot recently. Not typical romance, but I know I had my share of heartbreak when I was young, so there’s something comfortingly nostalgic about this. Comforting because you know, after years of reflection, when one door closes....

I like, as you stated in comments, that your stories are, like real people in real situations, subject to plot shifts as the characters reveal themselves to you. I’m a painter, and my style dictates rigid adherence to original designs, but every so often, part way through a painting, it changes direction - the original premise falls apart, or a more exciting design is suggested through the painting process.

You’re stories are fun and most definitely entertaining and intellectually engaging. Thanks *****

A love story of two simple minded morons :D

He was a fairly pathetic puppy dog with 'first fuck syndrome', who didn't really make much of a pretense of trying to get to know her before deciding he was in love. The odds of that love lasting that long weren't too good.

She was pretty eager to fuck a total stranger, and open to the idea of just keeping both relationships going. The odds of her staying faithful and not deciding to cut loose after she's finally broken that first barrier weren't too good.

Probably better for both of them that they didn't even try. I'd expect that Steve will look back and wish that she had just broken up with him now, rather than stringing him along for the rest of her college life.

Interesting in the emotional details. It makes one wonder if perhaps you were Simon or certainly actually knew him.

Though a lot of my stories do come from my personal experiences, this one is completely fictitious.

Simon is really a woman with a dick. Or he gets buzzed on estrogen pills. Thinks a d acts just like a woman. I'm a 70 year old child of the 60's. I must have tapped a dozen virgins in my time. And I never got all girly sissy over them. Hit it and quit it. Unless they showed some promise of advanced entertainment.

What a waste of fucking time. So glad the stalker didn't get the girl though.

Indeed, it's just a waste of time, delete this chapter and try again. Aside from it all feeling like pointless drama, when they just ended it, Angela fucking Steve killed this story for me anyway.

This doesn't feel like a romance story, it would need an actual romance for that.

WTF?

....luckily there are lots of other hobby-writers on this site. From 5*in pt 1 to 1* for the story as a whole.

What a downer! The story started good and was killed by a horrible ending.

I'm sorry but I can't even give you any stars on this because it's such a let down. You get two thumbs down. 👎👎 Simon should be with Angie.

Even though your story wasn't the usual type of constant sex, it was the best story that I've read. Thank you.

Wow. That was completely disappointing

I loved this one. It didn’t have a good ending, but at least it had an ending. 😄

And though I was sorry it didn’t work out for him, he left with a great attitude & left her feeling good about herself. In real life that would come back to him in some fashion.

You can either look at it as a ‘cast your bread upon the watersk or ‘no good deed goes unpunished’.

Your choice.

Bill S.

Angela and Steve had a solid relationship since young so why would she give up Steve for a one night MC!!

I know you put a lot of effort into this story and I do appreciate your effort. Unfortunately I gave you bad marks for one very serious flaw; a totally unbelievable behavioral stupid of the MC.

The morning after, when told him she hated him, NO sain guy would pursue her. All that would is exacerbate the situation and perhaps have her complain to Admin her was stalking her. She might even level a charge of rape due to intoxication diminished capacity. That she stayed the night, witnessed by his roommate, might have gotten him out of that but his roommates warning was sound..and embraced a good case of the stupid.

I was done after page two.

I am happy to willingly suspend my disbelief but you have to give your reader room to do that. Had I proof read your story I would have pointed out this fatal flaw and, correct modification, this might have been a very good story.

I am in the process of writing a book and my TWO proof readers have repeatedly kept me on the rails; I have rewritten the first 150 pages 8 times.

The next step is to have professional proof reader critique my work and I'll likely need to correct it again. The story will be about 300 pages and I've be working on it for 2 years. Both my proofers think it's a great story but it has to be done just right or it won't be worth the powder to blow it to hell.

After it's completed I have the professional proof reader review it again, make corrections, then get another professional read it. After that I have 5 friends who will read it and, where necessary, make additional modifications.

The reason for all this is a huge portion of this story is based on real events, location and people set in a fictional setting. I knew many of these people and I owe to them to get it right.

Please keep writing but do get a proof reader; the quality of your work will soar if you do.

Is that it,?If so it is just another nothing story.

Very well done. I enjoyed the read, my wife went to college and I didn't what do you think?.

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