by exdaytrader
story started out out good but than went down hill liked a man on ice. stories dealing about blow jobs are not very yntresting yours is no exception. a guy meets a famous movie star not to mention a hot looking one and you only allow him a blow job. he dosen't get to see her nude he only gets a blow job. go back to and rewrite your story no normale guy would write a story and allow his character to to just only get a blow job. even though it is on;y part one you still could of allowed him to fuck her.
I thought you built it up pretty well, it had a feasible storyline (missing in so many storyline), but I have to say the sex/blowjob was where it went wrong. Just doing a blowjob is fine, you can make a hot story from a handjob if you do it right, but something was missing. It seemed a bit sporadic and she came across a touch too slutty I think. Having her shouting out things like "I want to drown in your cum" rarely works in any story I find, it just seems too unbelievable.
Generally I think you did pretty well, you have a pretty good writing style and the build up was good, just try and apply the same kind of writing and then some to the sex!
Hope this doesn't seem too critical mate, I'm honestly trying to offer handy advice to you. Read one of my stories, maybe it'll help.
I really liked this story. One of the best celebrity-stories i've read on here. Nice build up and good blowjob scene! Hope to see more stories from you!
Get him to do her ass roughly, in part 2. Maybe even double penetration, in an orgy or something... Angie's too hot for a single clothed blow, dude!
Like your writing style.
For the love of god please continue this story!