All Comments on 'Anna and the Librarian'

A first-rate, five-star piece of writing, and an enjoyable story.

wonderfl story,well written

Wow. I like the way you describe the building of their relationship. I hope this is the first of a series. It is very erotic

one of the best here. Verty erotic written.

There are lot of thoughts in my mind after last scene.

How things would go on

Maybe there is another part?

Nice story. I liked it, and I could live with the ending. There was a few times when the narration voice seemed to shift, it caused a few rereads to get back in the flow, but other than that, well edited and written!

Thank you so much for your kind comments. I'll take on board what you mentioned @haltwhogoesthere about the narration voice shifting, but it's one of those things you don't always notice for yourself. As for a second chapter... I didn't have in mind to continue the story, but more to leave you imagining just what was about to happen between Anna and Natalia. There could be several outcomes, and you can imagine the one you feel goes best with the two lovers. I know where I would have taken them, and yes Anna would have got just what she wanted, or more to the point... just what Natalia wanted the young blonde to have.

As mentioned, the point of view changes were a flaw and I would suggest a major flaw at that. At the end of chapter four were two short paragraphs with third person narration after a full chapter of first person. Completely discombobulating.

Then there is this passage, also in the middle of first person narration: “Anna! What, are you doing here?" In her voice, Natalia sounded surprised. Inside, she wasn't surprised at all. She had already guessed there was no friend. More so, she had always hoped it would be Anna who came to talk.

It’s impossible for Anna to have a clue what Natalia’s inner thoughts are and such a statement disrupts the flow of the work.

To make life easier as a writer, make it all third person omnipotent, that is, you the storyteller know all the thoughts of every character. Writing in first person requires concentration to avoid lapses such as you had.

Thank you Anonymous . . . I see what you mean. I've got an edit to the story on its way which hopefully addresses the worst culprits and makes the story flow better.

Steve:

In general your use of language is delightful. Articulate, varied, intelligent vocabulary

For all of that - Thank you.

Please forgive this minor observation:

Phase - a stage of life or similar

Faze - intimidation

Not only Jack and Abi will be away. Apparently Rich has also gone away