Annette

"Go for it Bryce. Pound this pretty little slut."

The bed exploded into life. Rocking, banging the wall, creaking. Michelle's sounds became shrill. Katie kept telling her to relax. None of it made any sense to Annette.

But she heard it when it happened. Michelle's voice took on a different timbre again, shrill and greedy. The wet slapping sound felt like it was all around Annette. She was grinding her hips against her own bed, against that roll of cloth.

"Fu- Fu- Fu- Fuuuuuccck!"

Bryce joined her by howling like a wolf.

And then there was nothing but panting.

Annette was panting too, but she, at least, was still on fire. Every cell was alive, tingling with a restless electricity. Her thoughts were a fog of shame and lust. She kept seeing Logan, imagining her own legs up in the air, Logan's muscular torso in the shadowy light between them.

"Katie, you didn't get your turn with Bryce!"

"Don't you worry about me. I had more fun than you can imagine. I love this. I love sharing this with you Mishimish."

"Hey, what about me?"

"No complaints out of you, Bryce. You were the stunt-cock here, and you did a perfectly good job. You can go now."

"Damn you are cold."

"Call me cold to my face, and you won't be the stunt-cock next time, buddy."

"I mean, you are a wise and gracious Goddess."

"That's more like it. Now skeddadle. This girl needs a woman's cuddle from here on out."

Annette held herself in stillness while Bryce got dressed and made his way out of the room. She really wanted to crack open her door and see this guy. But she would surely be caught, and how could she live that down.

Mishi and Katie continued talking in a low voice, sometimes more like cooing, and sometimes more animated, but Annette could only get a word here or there. Michelle seemed blissfully happy. Katie seemed tender. She couldn't put the puzzle pieces together. Nothing made sense.

* * *

After an extra long shower, Annette still felt exhausted. She considered bailing on the large group meeting. She didn't think she even should be praying with others now, not after the way she had spent the night. She couldn't let herself think about it too long. She just put it out of her mind as best she could.

She wasn't totally sure she believed in things like demonic possession. That was too Hollywood, too Catholic, although it was in the Bible, sort of. But she felt she knew what people meant now.

She decided to skip breakfast. She didn't always see Jason there, but there was a chance, and she wasn't sure she could look him in the eye.

When she did make her way off campus to the event, she prayed the whole way. "God, purify this wretched soul."

The room was familiar, simple, and she knew everyone. She was afraid she was going to have to put on a false smile, but almost immediately in the company of her fellow Christians, she found herself at ease. Nobody could see her shame. Everyone was as friendly as ever. She had gotten away with it!

"Hey," Jason said. "Here you are. Listen, sorry about yesterday. I was in some kind of mood."

"You're allowed to have moods," she said, with a more authentic compassion than she might usually have had. She even put a hand on his arm. "We all have moods!"

Annette felt a trembling in his arm, and suddenly froze. Why had she done that? That was very forward of her. Was she making him nervous? Should she pull her hand back quickly? Or would that be weird?

She wasn't used to this kind of social awkwardness. It wasn't in her nature.

She wasn't the kind of person who over-thought things.

Still, Annette pulled her hand back, and felt herself forcing the thoughts away. She didn't even know what those thoughts were, but why was he trembling? What was she doing?

They settled in for the talk from Kevin, the youth leader, and some words from his wife, Chrissie, and there was a nice long prayer session where nearly everyone had something to offer, although for once, Annette kept silent. She just let herself float in the comfort and the safety of being part of this healthy community where people didn't do things like... she only had to banish those thoughts once or twice.

"And God, I just offer a prayer of gratitude for the freedom you offer us, the freedom to discover the truth of what it means to live in the Spirit, to be released from all the rules and regulations of the Old Testament, and to live in the light of Jesus."

That was Faith. She always had a kind of a weird prayer. What was it Jason had said when he was feeling snarky? That Faith might not even be Christian? Still, that prayer suddenly spoke to Annette. What did Faith mean? Kevin and Chrissie never exactly shut her down, although sometimes they redirected.

And this time it was Chrissie jumping in with the next prayer:

"Good Lord, we open our hearts to you to receive the wisdom of your guidance to choose the righteous and holy path that you have prepared for us..."

After prayer time, Annette found her way near Logan who was laughing with some of the upper-classmen. Logan was a freshman, just like her, but somehow a freshmen who had spent four years in the military was a different kind of student. She just liked looking at him. The broad shoulders, the square jaw, the clear grey eyes. Everything about the way he held himself drew her. She got glimpses of her torment from the night before as she looked at him. Would she make the kinds of sounds Mishi had made? Could she?

She turned away. She didn't know how to approach him anyway. What could she say? Plus it was a group of all guys, it would be strange.

She bumped into Jason again.

"I notice what you mean about Faith. I realize it's always Chrissie or Kevin following up on her weird little prayers, or guiding the conversation when she leads it in that direction."

Jason nodded. "I think I'm going to head back early today. Still not feeling all that sociable, I guess. Maybe you can get Logan to walk you home."

Was I that obvious? She sighed. She needed to root this craziness out of herself. Maybe she should talk to Chrissie. A married woman might have some wisdom.

"No, that's fine, let's go. I'm not that sociable either I think."

Jason brightened.

"Do you want to stop off at McDermott's and have a cup of tea on the way? Some chamomile maybe or rooibos?"

"Sure," Annette said, before wondering if she should. What was that trembling in him earlier? Was Jason really the safe friend she thought of him as? What if he was somehow seeing through her? Why did he want to have tea? Did he want to talk to her privately about something?

A rush of hot embarrassment flooded her, the heat of her shame.

If anything, Jason seemed to brighten further. Annette felt like she was missing something.

* * *

The tea shop was soothing. It was just off campus, but all college kids of course. It had a worn and weathered wooden floor, and a wood counter polished by generations of students, and tables with artistic patterns of geometric tiles.

"I really like spending time with you, Annette," Jason said. But he said it with an anxiousness that made her apprehensive. Like there was more coming. Was this the "but"?

She felt herself trying to hold the smile, afraid of what was going to come next.

"I feel like I've seen something different in you recently," he said.

Uh oh, here it comes...

"And I've been feeling something different myself," he said.

Wait, what?

"Annette, I think..."

A different lens clicked into place. He was going to profess affections for her! No! No! No! Maybe?

"Jason," she interrupted quickly. "I really value our friendship. You are someone I really trust in this place. I feel like I can share anything with you." (Not true, obviously!) She went on: "So, if I've been seeming strange recently, it's because I think I've developed feelings for Logan."

Whew! That should defuse the situation.

"Yeah," he said, "I know. It's not really a secret. Every girl in the group has feelings for Logan."

"Oh," she said, suddenly confused again. "Was that what you wanted to tell me? That I'm looking like a fool?"

"No, no," he said. "It's just that... Logan's already engaged."

"Logan's engaged? He's just a freshman!"

"I think he's like twenty five."

"And you just wanted to tell me this before I actually did look like a fool?"

Jason looked unhappy again. "Yeah, something like that."

Impulsively, Annette reached out to put her hand on his arm again. Was there a tremble there again?

"You see? You are a really good friend. Thank you Jason. I guess I shouldn't be surprised about Logan, huh? All the good ones are taken, isn't that what they say?"

Jason shrugged.

* * *

She should be studying. But she couldn't. Afternoon sunlight was slanting in from the quad. A lot of kids were home for the weekend, it seemed, the place was strangely quiet. Except for next door. Michelle apparently couldn't get enough, all of a sudden. She and Katie were together again, although just the two of them as far as Annette could tell. She pulled herself away from the wall.

Annette texted Chrissie on the College Christian Coalition app.

A: Hey, can we talk? I have some questions.

C: What's up?

A: Well, I was hoping maybe we could talk in person.

C: Kevin's the actual group leader, you should make an appointment with him.

A: IDK, it's the kind of thing I would talk to my mom about.

C: ...

A: Is that too much? I mean, I know it's not your job. You have a real job.

C: ...

A: Oh drat. I shouldn't have put it like that.

C: No, you shouldn't. Kevin's work is much more important than mine, actually, and communities all over the country fund this mission. It's a real job. It's real work.

A: I'm sorry. Nevermind.

C: Don't be sorry. It's all about growth. But maybe you can talk to your mom?

A: Yeah, thanks, good thought.

She wasn't going to talk to her mom. Why didn't Chrissie want to talk to her? She had heard from other girls that Chrissie was a good person to go to.

Annette paced the room. When she didn't have her ear to the wall, she couldn't hear much. With headphones on, nothing at all. But... she knew what was going on. And those low, groans of pleasure and desire had set something alive in her.

Her body felt like it was not her own.

Her mother had called it a sneeze. What was her mother even talking about? She couldn't talk to her mom.

She had no one to talk to. No distraction strong enough.

She tucked herself back against the wall but flipped out her phone.

On the other side of the wall, Katie had a fierce note in her voice. "That's right, lick it, slut. Let me feel that hungry tongue."

In desperation, Annette texted Jason.

"Hey, what's up?"

Their text thread was mostly logistics. When to meet for the walk over to the Coalition Hall, where to meet. There wasn't a lot of "What's up" in that history.

"Just working on my paper."

Saturday night. Working on a paper. Lame. They were all so boring. What should they be doing, though?

"Want to study together?" she said.

After the conversation in the tea shop, she knew this was a terrible idea. There was something going on in his head, and now she was probably messing with it. But she was desperate! She needed a distraction.

Jason didn't answer quickly. The screen said typing for quite a while. Then it stopped. Then it resumed. Then it stopped. Then it resumed.

Finally:

"Sure. Library?"

The library was an excellent idea. Get out of this dorm. Get away from Mishi and Katie.

Beyond the wall, Katie was grunting. There were slurping sounds. Annette felt the tingling all through her body, every cell seemingly charged with energy.

"Come to my dorm. Aaliyah is away, so it's nice and peaceful here. You can use my desk, I'll use hers. I'll put on some tea."

Jason again didn't answer quickly. This was, in fact, quite against all advice from the Coalition. Kevin and various guest speakers would always emphasize how important it was to not put yourself in an unchaperoned position. And back at home, her church said the same things.

Annette's fingers seemed to type with a mind of their own. She couldn't believe she had written that.

Jason would probably be horrified.

He would probably hate her now too.

He was typing. And then he wasn't. And then he was. And then he wasn't.

Annette typed in a retraction. "Actually, yeah, let's meet at the library." But then she deleted it. That sounded weird.

She tried again: "Unless that's a bad idea?"

It was definitely a bad idea.

But she deleted that message too.

Finally, the blob appeared on her screen. "Okay."

On the other side of the wall, Katie had an orgasm. It was no sneeze. She actually screamed with pleasure. Her voice rose, and then it rose further, and then it crescendoed in a series of short gasping squeals.

And then there was silence.

Annette felt herself slippery down her thighs. She reached under her skirt and pulled her panties off. They were soaked. She carefully buried them in her laundry basket, and put on a fresh pair.

She knew she was making a terrible mistake.

But God forgives everything, she thought. Right? Even murderers. They said, even if Hitler himself had accepted the spirit before his death, God would have forgiven him. Of course, Hitler didn't do that, because he killed himself, but it was possible. Any sin could be forgiven. But what if you planned it? She wasn't sure. What if you were a Christian, and you planned to sin? Was that blasphemy against the spirit? Because that, they said, could not be forgiven, but it didn't seem like anyone knew what "blasphemy against the spirit" meant, exactly.

Was she planning to sin? Things had quieted down next door.

Annette put her ear to the wall and listened to the cooing of the two girls. They were whispering and talking in low voices. She couldn't understand them.

Maybe the danger was past.

Maybe she should text Jason back and cancel.

No, she couldn't do that. She had already been rude to him: All the good ones are taken. What a stupid thing to say. She was always saying the wrong thing. That was basically telling Jason he wasn't any good. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

He wasn't great maybe. He wasn't tall, for one. And he had a bit of a hang-dog expression most of the time. Not like Logan who always looked like he knew exactly what he was doing. That look he had sent a thrill right through her. Jason didn't have that.

But he was a good guy. A good young man. Honorable. He tolerated her when she said dumb things.

He listened to her.

If only he was a couple inches taller...

* * *

He stepped cautiously into her room. She had had to escort him up. How did Michelle sneak Bryce in after hours?

"Hi," she said, suddenly shy. She, Annette, had invited a male person into her room.

He lowered his backpack next to her desk.

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, still diffident. "Why did you invite me over?"

"To study together," she said brightly.

Jason was slender. Probably about 5'7'. That was pretty short, but it was her own curse to be taller than that. He had short light-brown hair. He was wearing a flannel shirt and jeans. He held her gaze.

Oh god! My blouse is not buttoned all the way up! It wasn't indecent, but it wasn't up to her usual standards. She felt herself blush, sudden heat rushing to her face. Oh no!

But he wasn't looking at the curve of her breasts, if he could even see that. She worked so hard to hide them. Maybe it wasn't so bad. He was holding her gaze.

"Really?" he asked. "Why today?"

It was an excellent question. She didn't have any fake answer. The truth popped out.

"Because I'm lonely."

He just looked at her.

Because she had superpowers now, she heard the squeak of the bed next door, and the faintest hint of a moan.

But apparently Jason had the same superpowers, because his eyes widened.

"What's going on?" he asked.

Annette didn't have any more answers for him. She moved in and pressed herself to him. She made sure her breasts were pressed hard to him. "Kiss me," she said.

Jason froze in her arms. His own were light around her, like he was trying to friend hug her. He wasn't pushing her away, but he was in some kind of paralysis.

"Kiss me!" she said again, whispered into his ear, but with urgency.

A long moan came through the wall.

Jason pushed her away a little, enough to look into her eyes.

"This doesn't seem like you, Annette. Are you okay?"

She felt the heat in her body. She felt the heat in his body. She shook her head. She looked into his eyes, pale blue eyes.

Holding her shoulders he moved her to sit on her bed. She found she had no will to resist him, or even to go after what she wanted. She was afraid she would cry. He didn't want her. He didn't like her. How could he not like her? She was the hottest girl he was ever going to have a chance with! Where did that thought come from? She was tangled in confusion. Just don't cry, she thought, feeling the tears well up.

But then: he leaned down and kissed her.

Hard.

And he pushed her down onto her bed, kissing her the whole time. Their lips were pressed together, her mouth opened to his, and their tongues touched. Annette had never done this before, but it felt natural. It felt necessary.

She felt his weight on her. He was holding her to the bed, kissing her.

She relaxed into him. This was what she needed.

From the next room, the sound of Michelle's pleasure began to rise, and Annette tried to let herself make sound. It was a pathetic little whimper, but it was something, and it seemed to inspire Jason. He kissed her chin, her jaw, her ear, her neck.

She ran her fingers into his hair and pushed him down, directing his kisses below her collar bone.

With Michelle's voice coming through the wall, Jason looked up at her. "Are we really doing this, Annette."

She couldn't answer. She pushed him down. She wanted to feel his lips on her skin.

With trembling hands, he unbuttoned her blouse.

He gasped. Annette was breathing hard.

There was fumbling and scrambling, things became briefly awkward, but her clothes came off. This was nothing like she imagined things would be. Most of the imaginings had involved a wedding dress coming off. But her body had a will of its own now, she was a helpless bystander, an observer. And everything about her loved what she was observing. The look of pure wonder on Jason's face as they revealed each new glimpse of her curves.

Annette knew that their frantic kisses and fumbled touches had no skill. She wasn't exactly allowed to see R rated movies, but she knew enough to know that things should go more smoothly than this.

But she didn't care.

The dam had burst and she wanted everything, and she wanted it now.

And Jason... Jason appeared to be fully on board with her plan.

Soon she forgot all about Michelle next door. There was only Jason. She was pulling his flannel shirt off, un zipping his jeans.

The finer details of human anatomy were not fully clear to her, but when he came into view she had her own moment of wonder. So magnificent! It seemed somehow sacrilegious to call it a 'dick' - she wanted some better word, some new word altogether. Momentarily tentative, she touched him there, feeling the velvety soft skin, and the hard, pulsing heat of the flesh, rigid and eager under her touch.

And then she wrapped her hand around him, feeling twitch and throb in his flesh. Her fingers just barely touched. Jason might not be tall, but maybe he made up for it in other regards. She had heard talk about size, and thought that maybe this was a case where bigger was not better. But whatever Jason was, big or small, she loved it.