All Comments on 'Athena Plays with Daddy'

There were so many errors in this that it was hard to get through it. The story has promise but sounds like it was written by a VERY young person. You need a good editor or don't give up your day job.

For being new your thinking is straight your ideas are well formed overall a very good attempt as you do more it will get easier and better don't let the negative comments get you down writing is not a science it is trial and error it is speaking life to an idea don't be afraid of experimenting to say what you want to say yes Grammer and spelling are important but the telling of the story to your audience how you want it to come across is really what counts the rest is window dressing

to the story, but didn't know, until I looked at your writer name, to see if there were other stories by you... stick with the orig title, and then add the 2nd title as the chapter name, when continuing a story :)