All Comments on 'Awakening'

"like a butterfly approaching a cluster of flowers"

I enjoyed your story - it makes me want to read your other submissions.

-K

This was a nice story to wake up to, and I could definitely see myself being Jean.....Loved It.

BLKLEX2005

The idea was good, but presentation of the idea needs major help. You need major revision of word-use (use of wrong words, i.e. "your" in place of "her", "bead" in place of "bed"). It held me back from the experience. Also, the action wasn't very descriptive. Remember the 5 sences: touch, taste, smell, hear, and see. Only a few were used. First-drafts should never be submitted for viewing. Take time and make sure the reader enjoys the work. The final drafts should have at least gone through 4 or 5 revisions before submission.

Good one, not what I expected.