All Comments on 'Bad-Girl Daughter Gets Mom Laid'

Everything was there. All the bases of a sexually explicit piece were touched. Seemed to quick, The end is not always the goal of a trip. Often it is the journey that makes getting there so intense.

You did good for your first time, could be just a little longer. Would love to see you post the little pic next to your name in the Bio section. Keep writing.

Great story.

However you need to be more careful with your grammar. You were switching between past and present tense which I found a little distracting. Personally I prefer stories to be told in the past tense, but whatever tense you choose you should stick with it for the whole narrative.

Good first effort, I hope that we shall see more from you .... Keep writing :-)

Tom D

It's descriptive where it needs to be, but I agree that it's a bit short. However, your punctuation needs work. Too many ellipses. Try commas and even semi-colons. Also, perhaps you could use italics rather capitalizing entire words to emphasize them. But all-in-all a very good first submission.