by Kay-C
it's a little odd that she went to get her purse butyou never said why try to keep up with details
This is really bad. The idea isn't the problem. I see what you're trying to do, especially since I know there are two sequels, but you don't have a clue about sentence stucture, grammar, or word usage. You even made up some words (it's "nook and cranny". There's no such word as "nitch".) "Starred" should have been "stared". I could go on but there were frankly too many to remember without going back through it, and that would be a waste of my time.