Being a Man for Himself

Her place. Her place. Henry was tired. He felt more tired than he maybe had ever felt in his life. There was a reason this was a bad idea but he couldn't think of it. He shrugged his shoulders.

Henry fell asleep in her car.

Friday

The next thing he really remembered was waking up in some strange place and wondering where he was and how he'd gotten there.

"How do you want your eggs?" some woman asked in a happy voice. She was not Merissa.

"Uh... Who are you?" asked Henry as he sat up on the couch.

"Megan. I'm Merissa's roommate."

"Oh. Ok. I'm Henry."

"So, eggs?"

"Sure."

"Sunny side up, scrambled, how you want 'em?"

"Sunny's fine." His mother used to make these egg sandwiches that Henry really liked. He started to smile just thinking of it.

"You got it."

Henry stood up and yawned. It felt weird to wake up in such a place. It only got more unusual when Merissa came out of her bathroom in only a towel and sat down at her table that way to start eating breakfast.

"Morning Henry." she said.

"Yeah, good morning."

"Shower's all yours. Oh, and I laid your clothes for today out for you."

"Thanks."

"When you're done just leave your old clothes in the hamper. We'll get them washed for you today."

"That's ok. I can do my own laundry." Henry wasn't falling for that trap again. He was never going to let a woman do his laundry ever again unless she was the staff at the dry cleaners. For that matter he should probably not let them cook for him either. In fact, it would probably be best policy to never accept any help or charity from any woman ever for the rest of his life.

...

For Henry it really was just another day. He wondered how long it would be to hear back about the promotion. That sure was something for him to get excited about.

Even as he was focused on his work he was mentally making plans to buy a car after work and drive to his brother's house for the weekend. Then something came to his desk that totally change how he felt about Friday. He suddenly realized it was the last Friday of the month. There in an envelope was his paycheck. He had never gotten one of these before. Henry knew exactly what he was going to be doing at lunch break.

Henry worked as fast as he could. There was no reason to hurry, he just felt so energized after getting some sleep, getting some actual breakfast, and getting paid. When lunch time did come around he bolted out the door and walked so fast through the lobby the security almost wanted to stop him and tell him no running.

In the lobby he happened to run into Merissa who asked where he was going to go eat. Henry didn't stop to answer so he gestured that she should follow him and then he said he'd just grab something on the way. She was there in the bank when he cashed his check and her eyes grew to saucers when she saw how much he got.

"Mr. Cooper, your bank card is ready." said the bank manager who had come to the teller station. "I just need you to sign showing receipt. And here is your credit card."

"Great."

"If they are ever lost or stolen, please call the number on the security card and remember to keep it separate from your other cards."

"Will do."

Henry and Merissa stopped at the convenience store on the way back to the building and Henry bought them both sandwiches and some other things and then they were on their feet again. Henry walked so fast Merissa could barely keep up, much less engage him in conversation. Henry passed the office building and turned the corner going towards City Hall. He stopped in front of a car dealership.

Henry handed the first salesman he saw his card. "I want a car."

"Great, what are you in the market for?"

"I don't have time right now to look through your options. There's my email. Send me some info and I'll email you back my choice. Have it ready for me by six."

"Ok. I'll need to make a copy of your driver's license and we'll need to check your credit."

"I'm paying cash. Send me the email and I'll be back as six."

Henry didn't even give the guy any time to really respond. He was out the door and headed back to the office. Back at his desk he opened his sandwich with Merissa sitting across from him.

"I didn't know you were so rich." she said.

"I'm not."

"You make like 20 times what I make."

"I do ok but I'm not rich."

"And then you just walked in there and was like 'I want a car'. I'll never forget that."

...

Henry was typing up his thoughts on what he felt the numbers meant. This was going to be a great opportunity for someone to make some money. If they were serious about wanting him for a promotion then he needed to get noticed and this would be a great way to do it. He was recommending certain actions and those actions would set off a chain of events that would eventually see the company positioned to generate a lot of revenue.

It was three minutes after five when the desk phone rang with his brother on the other end.

"Keiko is hysterical."

"So?"

"What? Dude, you have to tell her to calm down and stop calling me every five minutes."

"Why don't you tell her?"

"She's your wife, not mine."

"Then just don't take her call."

"Man, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"That's bullshit. What is going on? She told me you beat her up."

"And you believe that?"

"I don't know what to believe."

Henry hung up. His brother should know better than to doubt him. Well, that destroyed any idea that he'd be spending the weekend at his place. If his brother was going to side with Keiko or in any way not be 100% on Henry's side then Henry would cut him off. This was war and she was the enemy.

Henry let a smile come to his face. He could just imagine Keiko going to the ATM and trying to get money out only to find that there was none. She probably would be happy for Henry to never come home so long as she still got to collect his salary. Now that her meal ticket was refusing to be robbed she was panicking and trying everything to find Henry.

Henry looked at his watch and read the confirmation details on his new car he was very soon about to buy. Sure, it wasn't the greatest car in the world but it didn't have to be. It just had to go and Henry would get his freedom back. He'd finally be able to drive out of town. He could go see some old friends.

He thought of Merissa. If he wanted to he could take her out on a date. Well, wasn't that an interesting thought.

Just as he was thinking of her he heard her voice.

"Hey." she said.

"You're still here?" he asked.

"Yeah. I brought you some muffins."

"You always know how to bring a smile to my face."

"I'm glad I can make somebody smile."

"What happened?"

"Just some total... what do you call it?"

"Start at the beginning."

"Ok, so like, yesterday they gave me this document and asked me to replicate it on the computer."

"What kind of document?"

"It was just some sort of form. This percentage here and the name of something else there. So I got on the computer and tried to make it look like what they gave me."

"Sounds like good experience. You're going to be using a computer a lot here. Word processing and spreadsheets will be your friends."

Her face got really red and her eyes started to get puffed up. She wasn't crying but she was right at the edge.

"Hey," said Henry as he moved from behind his desk. "What's wrong?"

"They hated it. They hated me."

"Who hated you?"

"Mrs. Collins. She called me stupid. She knew I could hear her and she just rips into me and the document and starts saying all this stuff about how I'm worthless and the form was worthless and she'd have to do it all again from scratch."

"Oh. I'm really sorry that happened to you."

"What am I doing here? I don't fit in. I have to put up with the women feeling threatened by me and the men all making up stories that I gave them blow jobs. I don't..."

"Wait. You fit in just fine. You're a breath of fresh air."

"You don't have to flatter me."

"I mean it. I'm happy every time I see you."

"Really?"

"Yes. And... I... I have something to tell you. This may not be the best time but there really is no good time so I suppose it might as well be now."

She looked confused. "What?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm sort of married."

She looked puzzled at him. "I know."

"You know?"

"Yeah. You were wearing a wedding ring the first time I met you. I kind of put two and two together."

"Oh. Ok. Well, I guess that makes this easier."

"What easier?"

"Um, see the reason I said sort of married is I may not be married for much longer."

"Oh, no. You're getting divorced?"

"An annulment."

"What's that?"

"It basically means the marriage never happened in the first place."

"Oh... Huh?"

"Think of it like a divorce that goes back in time and wipes away that the marriage ever happened."

"Wow. I didn't know you could do that."

"Well, they can under certain circumstances. The government will basically say that something was wrong from the very beginning and because of that even though we thought we were married we really never were."

"Sounds confusing. So then like, your wife; would she be your ex-wife?"

"I don't know. I never thought about what I'd call her. Maybe my never-was-wife."

"Your not-wife."

"My faux-wife. Uxor non mea."

"Ooh, I've got one. The phantom of the wife."

"Anyway, it's sort of a secret. I didn't want to tell everyone and shake things up too much until everything was finished in the courts. But I thought you needed to know."

"Ok. But... Why?"

"You know, because... well... you know."

"I know what?"

"Because..." and at that moment Henry realized that whatever his feelings were that he was allowing to grow, she did not feel the same way. His mind had sort of been on automatic pilot and assuming that she saw something in him.

"So you... you're like... Wait. Just wait a minute. I'm not the reason you're leaving your wife, am I?"

"No. I decided to leave her before I ever met you. I thought I'd be single. I'd just be some guy with no family but then I met you and I started to feel differently."

"How differently?"

"A lot differently."

She didn't say anything. She just got up and slowly went to the door. Henry was feeling very small and internally he was berating himself for falling in love all the while being too arrogant to realize she wasn't doing the same.

The door was open and Henry forced himself to bottle up what he was feeling. But right before Merissa was completely gone she said "I'm happy you told me." And then she left.

...

Feeling rejected and alone Henry did not have a smile on his face as he stood at the car dealership waiting for them to hurry the fuck up and let him drive away with his car. They were trying to up sell him to a newer model or a more expensive model but those options would mean credit checks and wasting time and Henry didn't have the time to give them. He had to go see the other guy about an apartment and he was already forcing them to stay after hours.

Henry tried to be polite about everything but just as soon as he could drive away, that was exactly what he did. It was while he was driving that he got the call from his lawyer. She'd gotten him a court date for the annulment hearing. Great. Things were moving along.

The place the rental agency brought him to really did cost more than it needed to and he didn't like the fact that the landlord did a credit check on him. But Henry was reasonably close to work, had a place to park his car, and there was security in the lobby to prevent anyone who might like to lie about Henry being an abusive husband from getting up.

Once he had the key and he was officially moved in he called the justice of the peace and told him the address. Henry expected the property warrant to be carried out the next day or on Monday or something but that wasn't what happened. The constable went immediately to the home Henry used to share with his wife and executed the order.

Amazingly, that actually annoyed Henry. He didn't like just waiting. He had a car now and he sort of wanted to drive it around.

A few hours later, just as Henry was about to fall asleep on the floor, the moving company arrived with a police escort to bring Henry his tv, one of the beds, his clothes, his old laptop, and a few other things. It was then that he heard about how his wife had acted towards the constable when he'd shown up. She'd tried to physically attack the constable to prevent anything from being moved and she was now in custody.

Henry wasn't even going to waste a thought on her. He already knew that if he went down to bail her out she'd just verbally abuse him which was pretty much the same as she'd do if he just left her in there. So Henry had no incentive to help her.

As far as Henry could care, if he never saw her again it would be no problem for him. Her life was her business and had nothing to do with him. He took one look at his tv and realized that any reconciliation would be impossible. She'd taken keys or a knife or something and had thoroughly destroyed the screen.

He took a picture of the tv and emailed it to his lawyer. He asked it that was evidence enough to get a restraining order against Keiko. He knew he wouldn't hear back on that until at least Monday but for this weekend he was safe. She was in jail and even if someone else bailed her out, she had no idea where Henry was.

One might think that he would have spent the night arranging furniture or making a list of other things he needed. Knowing that his wife was in jail with no way to get out until presumably the next morning you might even think he'd be tempted to go by the house and collect a few other things or see what money his wife had hidden.

Henry did none of those things. Once the boxes and other things were in his apartment he just left it all where it was, went to his car, and started driving. At first he didn't consciously know where he was going but once he passed a certain landmark he knew.

He parked and started walking in the blackness of the night. He passed head stone after head stone until he got to the spot where his parents were buried.

He stood and wondered what he should say. Did he have to say anything? How did this work? It was in that moment that every other woman he'd ever really had contact with sort of came to mind. Of course he couldn't have married Tiffany. She hated him, or at least that was the last he remembered of her. All of his teachers in school who were women hated him. His boss, she probably didn't hate him but she took advantage of him while at the same time taking him for granted. They were never going to give him a promotion. Why had he even believed her for a second? Even his lawyer was only on his side because he was paying her.

What about Merissa? She had eaten dinner with him, and walked with him and... But she was just like all the others. She wasn't on his side. She was just looking out for herself. He didn't know what she was playing at by letting him sleep at her apartment but in the end it wasn't for Henry's benefit, just her own.

Henry thought about his sister and he had to admit to himself that even she probably hated him. They'd always fought as kids. All his sister would have to hear is one accusation from Keiko and she'd believe Henry to be some wife beating monster.

Fine, if Henry had to live alone for the rest of his life then so be it.

A funny thing started to happen as Henry accepted his fate. The numbers went through his head. Dare he think it. It wouldn't be illegal. It wouldn't be immoral. He wouldn't even be violating his contract with the company. There was no reason he couldn't privately take advantage of something and make a profit. Just because he happened to notice it during work and it looked like a good investment for the company didn't mean he couldn't join in as well.

Something about it felt disloyal though. But why should it be? He wasn't a slave. He could do whatever he wanted with his money. And it wouldn't be like his investment would crowd out the company if his boss agreed with his ideas.

He started to calculate in his head. He had enough. He could get the money. There were ways. If he was right there was a lot of money for someone to make. But was he right? That was the key question.

He was done being a useful idiot for other people, especially women. He was done having everything he wanted denied him. He was going to live his life and he wasn't going to ever care what any woman thought about it. He was going to do things his way.

"I'm sorry." He said as he stood at the foot of the grave. "I know I've really messed up. But that all changes now. I'll make you proud. I will." He was finally going to be the man he knew his mother wanted him to be.

Saturday

Grits. These were good. Henry had no idea what they were or what they were made from but they were good. He was so happy he'd come to this diner.

He was eating breakfast food for lunch because he'd woken up very late. It felt so good to finally get a day off. He had nothing to do but wait until Monday. How wonderful. He didn't have to dress up for anyone or be quiet while his wife picked out this or that at the department store. He could just be himself.

He paid for his meal and left a nice tip. He could have gone anywhere but found himself eventually going to his office to check the numbers.

Yes. It was true. The story the numbers were telling him was true. And they were waiting. What was going to happen? Did Henry have time to make a move? He was dancing from side to side as he waited for the data to copy to a usb stick he had. He was going to look over the numbers again at his new home and really think this through.

That reminded him that he needed a new computer. That old laptop wasn't going to be reliable if he was going to use it to make the sort of moves he was planning. He considered his finances. He had plenty of money to buy just about anything on the market but he figured it would be better to put it on his new credit card just in case. No reason to take risks.

"Hey." said a woman's voice.

Henry looked up and there at his door was Merissa. Henry was already smiling and even though he knew he shouldn't smile more simply because she was there he felt he couldn't help it.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to practice using the software on the computer. It's different from what I use at home."

"It's enterprise."

"What are you up to?"

"Me? Not much." Henry was not going to even hint at what this little project was.

"You look so different without a tie." she said.

"Actually, I hate ties. They're just a stupid decoration. They're not useful for anything."

"I can see what you mean."

"Listen I'm sorry for putting you on the spot yesterday."

"I understand. I can't imagine the kind of stress you must be under. You work so hard and now you're leaving your wife."

"It's her own fault. She just had to do one thing to get me to stay. There were a lot of things I wanted to change but she only needed to do just this one thing and I probably would have stayed."

"What's that?"

"I want to be a father. I thought about it and I've decided. I want to be a father. If she won't have my children then I'm just wasting my time with her. Once the law says she's not my wife I can go adopt."

"Adopt? You want to be a single dad?"

"Better than being no kind of dad. And you always hear about all these needy kids who just need a good home."

"Wow. That's really nice. But what about when you're not there?"

"I can make arrangements. Sure, it's not ideal but it's better than leaving them in an orphanage or foster home."

"They aren't ornaments you know."

"I know that. I realize maybe you see me as just a rich white guy demanding something but for me it's much different. It's important to me. And I don't think I should be denied fatherhood just because my wife or you have a certain opinion of me. If I adopt I fully intend to do a good job and when that kid grows up we'll see if they appreciate what I did for them or not."