All Comments on 'Bella's Adventures in Bondageland Ch. 01'

This was a good, well-told story you should be proud of having written. It had some fine elements and you handled them well. Your biggest problem is with the length of some of your paragraphs; huge blocks of text can look so intimidating and off-putting. Don't let sloppiness like this detract from a good story - and it will if you're not careful. Four stars.

It would be helpful if you had an indicator of some sort when switching from Bella's to Damon's POV.

It definitely has potential, but the repetition of scenes while changing POV is cumbersome and often unnecessary. Spelling and grammar problems were very distracting. (Dominate vs Dominant etc). That said, I read through to the end, so there is something there!