All Comments on 'Betrayal Ch. 01'

She gave up a happy marriage and family because of an obvious misunderstanding? The story doesn't ring authentic.

It doesn't make any sense that she would go from being a loving wife to completely irrational as if she was a drug addict. She wouldn't even listen and then she going to get a divorce that quickly and easily? I'm sorry to say but I think this story would be better as a onetime thing that happened where they would have a good joke over it.

is she bi-polar or something? Her actions make no sense. Hate to see what she'd do if he'd done something REALLY wrong like cheat on her, beat her and the kids or as sensitive as she is, leave the toilet seat up 'gasp!'.

The woman must be mad! And sorry to add a little bit of real life to this story, but if he was to take the case to court, the judge would laugh at her, She is getting a divorce because the husband mistakingly put the wrong video in? and why hasn't the husband got his friends to back him up? and lastly why dosen't the wife actually talk to the husband? Although I have to say i wouldn't go back to the wife now anyway, now that I know what she is capeable of doing, So the marriage is doomed either way. and things looked so good for them too. I just pity the children.

Old girl must be crazy, or bi-polar or something. How are you going to divorce somone over a "little" incident? He should leave her crazy butt!

not how awful it is written...

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not how bad the plot is ....

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not that we have no explanation as to WHY the dingbat wife would not listen to her mom whose house she was staying at.... you think that would carry SOME weight ...

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not that the husband is such a wimp... he doent even go to the wife's mom and tell her HIS side of the story

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NO its not the parential terror and damage this awful woman has done to her YOUNG kids

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No the worse thing is ... ready for it...

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THE RECONCILE !!!

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No I am not kidding... I am laughing so hard I gotta go pee!!!

Goodness, I mean I love constructive critism but this story obviously hit a bad note with a few of you (more than a few actually) but I hope the second chapter heals some of these open wounds. Still love you guys :) SP

has found a way to divorce her husband as if he caused it. Yep some women are that sick and twisted. The story itself is stupid, she was at the door and knew he was attempting to get the tv off and the tape stopped. She was if not shrewd incredibly stupid! Why would anyone marry a woman like that? Fuck her all you want, marry her, never.

Scott set up the DVR to record that night's game, so he did not need the camcorder to do that. Why did Vick want to see last year's game if they were going to watch to-day's ? And why did Scott need to get the camcorder from the bedroom ? If he still had last year's tape, it wouldn't be in the camcorder anymore? Having taped their sex the day before, why would he just assume the correct tape from last year's game would still be in the camcorder? Scott's sister Jesse had also been taping at the party that night, with her own camcorder or with Scott's ? And what with the TV scene? One of this friends ripped the CAMCORDER out of Scott's hands, and Vick took the REMOTE when "SHE" tried to grab it. And it was only then that Scott saw Pilar standing in the doorway? How could SHE grab it from there. Obviously it was while HE tried to grab it. Then Pilar just went and shut off the TV. Why didn't Scott do just that? All of this makes no sense at all. **** And what about Pilar? Did she just wake up from the noise when he tried to take the tape/camcorder back and told his buddies to leave. How was she dressed just coming out of bed after having been asleep for a while, and then showing up in front of his friends just like that. I can understand that she woud be mad when she saw them sitting and looking at this tape, but surely now she must have noticed him trying to take back the camcorder, YELLING at them that he wasn't going to show his wife and him having sex and telling them to leave. Why did Vick, his good friend, then take the remote from the other guy but not giving it back to him. What happended to the camcorder or the tape ? Why would Vick feel it approriate to say in his toast that he loved Scott's children as his own sons? And what about the six year mark and the "pool". She filed a week after the six years were up. Was there more going on without Scott knowing. That would explain her (over)reaction and her stubborn action to file for divorce without as much as a word to him. I hope the rest of this story is better put together. G.Belgium.

but poorly delivered. The way the playing of the tape was accidentally played, was not done believable. Next, her reaction was just to much to be believable. I will read your next chapter, and hope you craft out the details more carefully.

a bump into a mountain. talk about overreaction.

I guess I have to agree with many of the other comments. I think you have a good idea, but it wasn't very believable. A free show of her ass and its over? If you truly love someone, his friends accidentally seeing you having sex on TV isn't really going to drive you to divorce. You may be mortified and never want to see those friends again, you might not talk to the husband for a while, but I doubt you'd be down at the courthouse with your lawyers. Accidents happen and she overreacted. If she would have socked him and not talked to him for a week, it would have been more realistic. And if the scene you crafted before she was at the door actually took place, she would have known that he was trying to shut it off, since he was yelling and jumping around trying to get the remote back. It just seems off. I think you should take time and think out your storyline through before posting it. I think you got a lot of comments because so many of us were put off by Pilar. She is not a very likable character right now and I want to be able to want the two main characters to get together, but right now Pilar is a little too overdramatic/cuckoo for me to feel that way.

Okay....maybe it was a horrible thing to find that your husband's friends got to see you having sex on a tape. But it was not that damn serious. Divorce? For real? That is ridiculous. If she loved him as much as she claimed, it wouldn't be this serious. Hell yeah I would be pissed but you have a loving marriage and two children. WTH?? There must be more to the story.

I agree with the majority, that he did not show DVD to his friends deliberately and that she may have overreacted to that episode. What I think she should have divorced him for was filming their sex in the first place. Why the ass hole found it necessary to film their loving is not clear, but only a pervert has to film the sex, which makes it available for years to come. She should have dumped him and the DVD as soon as he started filming.

the CT. Yankee

I'm giving you a 75 and not a 25 because I love your writing. You write amazingly well. The problem here comes from the PLOT! You should have had him throw on a tape featuring him and another woman by mistake. Not him an her. I mean, I would toss everyone out of my house but I wouldn't DIVORCE my hubsand for making a mistake like that. He's totally right. She's overreacting and God damn if he doesn't need to be thankful that she's moving on. He needs to find someone steady and not crazy.

That said, is Scott her new love interest or something? Hmm. I will continue to read because I love your writing. Please, try to pick this story up. And this is the first story I thought you didn't rush too. ;-) Good job except for the wierd Plot.

I think I will take Pilar's side in this debate among the readers. There are a few hints that Scott does not respect his wife. For instance, when he fails to look at her as he continues to look at t-v while answering her. And, who was it that smashed her collection of trinkets? Scott, of course.

Whether intentional or not, the revealing of the most intimate of actions that a woman can have to a bunch of horny men must be considered the most serious breach of trust on Scott's part. Scott does not seem to understand. His feelings for Pilar appear to be superficial at best. He is not attuned to her sensitivities. Pilar had every right to feel exposed, degraded, humiliated, and

even violated.

This story could use some proper editing. While it is one thing to put grammatically incorrect speech in the mouth of a character, it is quite another thing to be glaringly wrong when you in the third person are advancing the story. How could you or L's editors let this one go through: "Pilar had went to a lawyer and had divorce papers drawn up

Should be in Loving Wives --I think you would have gotten more And better reaction --You have a great start but don't draw it out --OK she has an over-nite fling then remorse big time!!

I really like your writing but I was not very impressed by this latest offering, gross overreaction and very unrealistic events and actions from all the parties. Maybe there is more to this than we know, but it hasn't been delivered very well.

is divorce really necessary over a mistake? I like your writing, but this story is not one of my favs, but please continue writing, I love your style!

She is already filing divorce papers after a week. How can you be with someone for 6 yrs and just celebrate your anniversary and just like that you hate his guts. Totally off. She allowed him to tape them she had to know there is always the possibility of a tape getting into the wrong hands, one of her family members could have accidentally seen it.

WCD

She arranged for the party without him knowing, he went out with her and was even surprised they went home so soon. And why wouldn't he show her the respect to do as she asked, he was taping the game. When she went outside to see her guests/relatives out, she knew he would want to see the game (with his friends) and the fact that he didn't look up doesn't seem that much of what you called disrespect. In fact she didn't seem to mind that much because, by her own admission, it had been a "battle" for some time. No, what makes this story hard to swallow, is what happened next. Who is fooling who here. Admitting that he "suddenly" wanted to tape their sexplay, that by itself is not all that strange and I would expect it to go without saying that is should be for their eyes only. Then why did she need stress it that much? Did she set the stage for her "rage". Did he ? Why would/could he bring the camcorder with the "wrong" tape in it. How/why could he just assume that a year old tape would be in the camcorder when he had just used it ? In any case, her reaction was way overboard, unless it was planned for. She must haved seen him "struggle" to get the remote and have heard him say he wasn't going to show them. Could she been having an affair and he found out. Knowing her, has he set up this event to provoke a violent reaction so he could get rid of her. Kalib, your guts may tell you to side with her, but - at this stage - there are more questions than answers. Your siding may be a bit premature. We'll see.

Those of you who are overanalyzing this story to make it deeper or more textured are overreaching. It's not Shakespeare. She is a good writer but this was a badly executed story idea. It just simply doesn't make any sense. Eveyone has hits and misses ( I bet there were a few crumpled pages under old Williams's bed also) and this story is a miss. Trash it or rewrite it.

You do realize this is fiction right? If we were looking at Dr. Phil all of this outrage would perhaps be well placed. Since nearly 85% of the story plots on this site are implausible, she's not setting precedent here. I like the characters and I'm interested in seeing where the plot goes from here. By the bye, will you finish Is This Real? I got a kick out of that story as well!

Yes it is a story about a woman who is totally insane. He made a mistake, an embarassing, but acceidental mistake. And worse this is a set up that has been abandoned and left hanging. I think however I can finish it. She thought she loved him until she met the black man with the cock 8 inches longer than her husbands. She now gets the best sex of her life while her mother takes care of the kids. And of course she gets everything in the divorce and he just goes off to cuckold land so once again a woman can prove she has control of everything. Oh, and she does have that little girl, only she is not her ex-husband's, but one of the guys who saw her on the video. She makes sure to let him know. Yes, it is just a story.

She may have been justified in being unhappy, but the purpose on his part there ? It was a very awkward moment, with this kind of reaction from her? He made a mistake and she went over the edge.

Is it me or did she overreact? more please.

this story needs an ending not just left up in the air if you can ad another chapter and make it come to a end with a happy ending this couple has too much going for them to end like this Larry

Wow I think she may be a little bit crazy. Yes having all of his friends see the video of them having sex is bad, but it's not like he did it on purpose. She didn't even give him the chance to explain.

why didn't she gave him the chance to explain; i didn't betray her it was an accident, i don't think it is grounds for divorce.

Wow! She is throwing away her marriage, she need to let her pride go before she finish destroying everything. If she loves him she wouldn't doubt Scott's explanation. She can ask the guys what happened to get the truth.

She is already pregnant - the baby has red hair and best friend knew what was on camera. Set up.