Better Ch. 02

Dr. Jacoby scribbled notes furiously as Alex spoke. He wished she would give some indication whether or not she agreed with Diane. Instead, there was only more unbearable silence, as Audrey squeezed his hands tight. She was visibly upset, and Alex wondered if she was afraid of how Master would react to the idea that he should stop loving her.

"Why did Audrey's aunt's warning make you choose this response specifically, Alex?"

He noticed her shift into using his first name.

"Well, she's...maybe she's not wrong. Maybe I'm afraid of myself, too. I mean, we damaged her brain. She—Audrey, I'm sorry, but I need to say this—she has no defenses against me."

With that, Alex turned towards Audrey, no longer speaking to her therapist.

"Audrey, I...I love you. I really do. But being with you scares the hell out of me. It's like the only thing keeping us from spinning out of control is me, but every day I'm with you it feels like my grip is slipping."

"Master, I'm sorry," Audrey said, almost in tears. "I don't want to drive you away again."

Alex turned back towards Dr. Jacoby, as it was painful even to look at Audrey at the moment.

"I want you to help Audrey," he said. "I want you, and I want to Diane, to look out for her. I mean, when I showed up, she was totally alone. You don't know what happened to her—she doesn't, and I only know a little. But, I do know that she's...she's independent now. She picks up things, like maybe she's remembering them. She's can paint. Like, really paint, amazing stuff. She surprises me all the time."

"Audrey told me a little bit about that," Dr. Jacoby said, betraying the first sign of warmth in her voice thus far. "Audrey, you've told me about how you deal with your anxiety when you're alone. Can we talk more about that now?"

"Sure," she said, her voice cracking a little.

Alex was impressed by how composed she'd been in the session.

"Tell me more about meeting a new friend."

"Well, there's a girl I met at MacLaren's—that's the art-supply store. She's a sculpture student, and we got to talking. I showed her a few stills of my work on my phone, she showed me some pictures of hers. We exchanged numbers, and we had lunch last week."

"And how was that?"

"It was fun. Master was at work, and it was great not to be alone all the time. I'm so much better now, doctor; I can remember new things. I can handle being afraid or nervous. When things get to be too much, I always know that Master will take care of me."

"And what does 'taking care of you' mean, Audrey?"

Alex sunk in his seat. He wished more than anything that he could be absent for this part.

"I've been reading some things online—Master helped to build me a computer. He made it himself! Oh, so I've learned about...well about what we like to do. It's called BDSM. It's not...wrong. It doesn't feel wrong to me, it feels good. Master ties me up, Master spanks me, we have sex. He makes me feel better, like there's someone in the world out there who loves me for who I am. I'm not crazy. I know most people think what we do is weird, and I know...I know I'm broken. My brain is scrambled or whatever. But this isn't why. I don't feel broken with Master. So I don't understand why I'm supposed to be afraid of the one person who makes me feel safe in the whole world."

Alex was dumbstruck. He looked up at Dr. Jacoby.

"I want to thank you for your honesty, Audrey," she said. "Unfortunately, we're out of time for today's session. I'll look forward to seeing you, alone, on Tuesday."

Alex helped Audrey up. She looked beautiful. He felt lucky to have her.

"May I have a word with you alone for a second, Mr. Vartas?"

Alex let Audrey step outside while he lingered in the room.

"I've looked into my patient's background as far as I could. I was just about ready to drop her before she came to me with all this—I usually don't see the point in meeting with patients who aren't trying to get better. I know, as much as I can, about what Audrey can and cannot do, and I also know that her aunt was right.

"Audrey may not be afraid of you, Mr. Vartas, but she ought to be. I can't see anything to be done at this point to protect her from you that wouldn't be more damaging to her than not, but that doesn't mean I'm not concerned about your relationship with my patient. You may truly love Audrey, but that doesn't mean that you can be trusted to hold absolute power over her. If you do care about her wellbeing, then I suggest you find ways to diminish her dependence upon you, rather than fostering it with the pretense that the two of you are an ordinary romantic couple."

Alex had heard enough about Audrey's vision—the window overlooking the snowy forest—to know that he wished he had something like it to imagine right now. His stomach hurt, and as he staggered out of the doctor's office, it took all his strength not to betray how devastating Dr. Jacoby's brief words had been for him.

"Is everything OK, Alex?" Audrey asked, choosing her words carefully in the occupied waiting room.

"Fine," he said weakly. "Couldn't be better."

Alex felt like he was being torn apart inside. As he looked into Audrey's luminous eyes, he wondered if things could go on forever like this.

Forever? Shit...

End of Part Two of Three