Billie - Scarred for Life Ep. 03

That evening as she 'trimmed the fur' Billie thought back to earlier times when trimming was necessary to avoid having whiskers poking out of the tiny bikinis she wore. It was a funny little thrill back in her teenage years to be trimming down there, and she felt that thrill again as she snipped away at the hairs that might extend beyond the bikini lines. She determined that, no matter how brief the cossie Jana chose for her, she would wear it. 'Just so long as I don't see my tummy in a mirror,' she thought.

The swimsuit Jana chose wasn't as bad as Billie had feared. Certainly not as brief as those she had worn on the beach only a few years ago; bikinis she still had tucked away in a drawer, somewhere under the one-piece cossies that she had covered herself with in recent times. "We'll start with this one and then show a bit more skin later on," said Jana.

At home with just the two of them and Jon, Billie was surprised by how much she simply enjoyed herself; diving in, playing with the two-year-old, sunning herself and talking with Jana. Thoughts of the scar rarely distracted from her enjoyment of the day. 'I can do it,' she thought after Jana had gone.

Step two in Jana's Billie Rehabilitation Program was a family visit the following Saturday. Jana, Roman and Jason came around for a lunchtime barbecue and a swim, joining Jim, Billie, Sarah and Jon at the poolside. Billie again surprised herself with the way she was able to keep her mind off the thing which had symbolised her failure as a complete woman. Jana played up to Jim as usual, and Roman took several opportunities to compliment Billie on the way she looked in the two-piece. "So much better than that black one-piece," he said. "With a figure like yours, it's a shame to hide any of it." He emphasised 'any' and winked at her.

Step three was a poolside barbecue with several more people; an opportunity to invite the neighbours and get to know their families. Barrington the architect and Alex the builder had become friendly with the neighbours during the house construction, so Jana and Billie invited them as well. All the kids played happily around the yard and in the pool, and the adults ate, drank and socialised. It was all very suburban-ordinary and Billie was starting to feel quite comfortable and kept herself busy as hostess wandering about in her swimsuit.

She knew the scar was there, she knew others had seen it; she assumed they were being polite by not mentioning it, but she was feeling OK and happy with how she was able to keep the thought of it tucked away well out of her mind.

In bed that evening, as she kissed Jim goodnight, she reached across thinking she might cuddle a little more and perhaps things might develop nicely from there? She was feeling good about herself after the day around the pool. Maybe this time she could get the good feelings to last? Jim seemed to be not interested. There was something wrong - something different about Jim - Jim was always interested when Billie made the first move.

Billie rolled back onto her side of the bed.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"We have a problem"

"We have a problem. Bloody Barrington's told Jim."

It was Monday morning after the weekend get-together and Billie and Jana had dropped the children at school. "I need to talk with you about what's happened. It's more than just Barrington. Probably best we go to your place. Roman's at our place - there's nobody home at your place is there?"

"Why? What did Barrington do that for? It was him that didn't want Jim to know." Billie was puzzled by this news. "What else did he do?"

"I'll tell you at your place. I'll follow you home and we can talk about it there. We've got a few things we need to get sorted out." Jana cut the conversation and they headed for their cars.

"OK, here's what happened." They had settled on the back deck where Billie could keep an eye on Jon playing in the yard. "I'm not sure when Barrington told Jim that he had fucked me at the studio, but I only found out about it on Saturday at the barbie. Jim apparently thought that he might have a bit too."

"What do you mean? Jim didn't . . .?"

"When we were together in the pool, Jim put the hard word on me. He said Barrington thought it was good, and he reckoned he could do it better than Barrington. I know Jim and I muck around a lot, but this wasn't just flirting around, this was Jim seriously trying it on."

"I knew something like this had to happen some day," said Billie, surprising both Jana and herself with her calmness. "It's been getting worse and worse since that last time I talked with you, and on Saturday night I knew something must have happened. Jim just didn't want to know, and he's never like that. So what did you say to him? Did you agree to do it?"

"Of course not," Jana retorted. "I just treated it as a joke and kept on mucking about. But he could see I knew he was seriously giving it a go, so on Saturday night he probably was worried I would tell you about it."

"Well why don't you do it anyhow? You'll do it for him better than I can." This time Billie lost it and the tears formed.

"You know you don't mean that. Look, we all go through rough patches. Give it time and stop worrying about it and it'll come good."

"No it won't. It's been more than two years and I can't do it. I really do want you to do it and let Jim show you how good he is. You've always wanted to anyhow. Maybe if he does it with you every now and again he won't be so worried about me not doing it for him. I'll tell him it's OK with me."

"You're not serious are you?!" Jana was taken aback by what her friend was proposing. "How do you think you're going to make that work? You're going to stay at home worrying while Jim and I go off to a motel somewhere for the night? That's ridiculous."

"I don't know. Look, Jana, you and Roman have made it work for you. I'll have a talk with Jim and say that we can make it work for us too."

"I still don't know that it's the right thing for you and Jim," said Jana, thoughtfully. "But there's got to be two sides to this. If I get Jim, Roman gets you. He's always wanted to. That's only fair. I can just imagine what he'll say when I tell him."

"No, no. I don't want that. I just want you to do it right for Jim, because I can't."

"I'll tell you what; I'll do it. But I'll only do it with Jim if you will do it with Roman. You want something good for your man, I want the same for mine. You talk with Jim and see what he says."

"I don't know how I can tell Jim about something like this," said Billie. "After Saturday, he's going to be worried about what you might have told me anyhow. It's just going to cause more trouble."

"OK, leave it with me. I'll fix it. When Jim comes home tonight, don't say anything about this unless Jim says something first. I'll have a talk with him and if he mentions it to you, then you can work it out from there."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Billie works it out from there

"I had lunch with Jana today."

Jim arrived home, put his briefcase away and kissed Billie 'hello' in the kitchen. Billie had spent the day wondering what Jana would do, and had surprised herself with how calm she was feeling about Jana's plans for Jim. She had also worked out a few plans of her own. But, as Jim's arrival time approached, Billie felt herself becoming just a little apprehensive about how the conversation might eventuate.

He had come straight out with it. 'He's really such a good man,' thought Billie. 'He always comes straight to the point.'

"Oh? And what did she say to you? I saw her this morning after we dropped Sarah and Jason at school."

"Maybe we best talk about it after the kids have gone to bed. She phoned me and said you'd been talking. So at lunchtime we went down to the park and had lunch together. She's an interesting lady."

Later that evening, they went into the lounge room. "Is it true what Jana told me? Did you really tell her that you want her to have sex with me?"

"Before I answer that, tell me about you and Barrington and what you said to Jana on Saturday." Billie's calm had returned. She was going to work this through and make sure it came out the way she wanted it to.

"I suppose she told you what happened in the pool?" Was that a guilty look that flitted across Jim's face?

"Yes, but you tell me your side of the story."

"Well, Barrington was at the factory the other day and we had a few drinks together after work and he told me that Jana had come onto him and she's a bit of all right. Anyhow, she's always made it pretty clear that she wants to play, so the other afternoon I told her what Barrington said and I made a couple of suggestions."

"She put it a bit more strongly than that," said Billie. "But that's OK. She said nothing happened after that. But what would you have done if she had said 'Yes'?"

"That's a bit academic isn't it?" replied Jim. "She didn't then, but she has now. And she said it's because you told her you want her to." Jim softened his tone. "Listen petal, do you really think that it's so bad between us that you need to do something like this?"

"It's not us, it's me." Billie was losing her composure. She had felt that she had it all worked out before, and she was going to be strong. She hadn't calculated on Jim's sympathy for her situation. "We always had it so good together before, and since the caesar it's never been good."

"It's not bad. And it was great the other night when you did the romantic dinner. Maybe we should try a few more of those."

"Did Jana tell you about what happened that night? I was thinking of Jana and Barrington, not you and me. No, Jim, I really do want to give this a try. Even if I end up thinking of you and Jana together, it's a lot better than what's been going through my head for the last two years.

"And did she tell you what we decided about Roman?"

"Yeah, sort of," Jim replied. "She said she would make a trade for one night to see how it works. She said it would only be a one-time thing; she and Roman don't do affairs, only one nighters. They've never done a swap before. Did you really agree to that?"

"I didn't just agree to it, I suggested it." It was only a little lie. Jana would be good for Jim and she had to convince him that she really wanted him to do it. He wouldn't feel guilty about having sex with Jana if he knew she was doing it at the same time with Roman. "I've got it worked out how we can do it. There's a romantic old guesthouse up in the Blue Mountains run by an absolutely phenomenal chef who does really special Saturday dinners. We can go up there together and spend Saturday wandering around the Bluies, then have dinner and stay there overnight. We can leave deciding who sleeps with who until after we see how it all works out during the day.

"I've decided I want to do it. I'm sure Jana and Roman will do it if you say so. Will you at least come and see if it all works out? Please?"