Black & Tan Blues Ch. 04

I knew I could never let you find out. I also knew I needed to stop but I kept telling myself, just another week, just another week. I knew I was acting crazy and irrational. And I suspected Curtis and James were into something illegal. But I ignored it. Anything to keep the thrill coming.

And then that night Curtis and James took us to the hotel. By this time I would go along with just about anything they suggested. James was even hinting around that he wanted to do me. I wasn't shocked and Curtis didn't seem to care. And then the police crashed through the door and my life ended."

She hesitated and looked at me stoically. "You know the rest. When you came to the police station and showed me the pictures you held a mirror up to my eyes. I could see what the rest of the world could see. What I had become. You called me a slut and that is what I was.

I wanted you to fix it, but you were the one I hurt the most. I trashed everything and everyone in my life. But you and Sam, the two people I love most in the world got the worst of it."

We sat silently contemplating the events. I didn't want to ask any questions. She had filled in all the blanks pretty well.

Finally she lifted her eyes to mine. "Ken, you asked me what my plans were now. I guess that is up to you."

She hesitated a few moments, "Is there, is there any chance at all for us Ken? Is there any chance you can forgive me for what I have done and try to rebuild our family?" She said pleadingly.

I sat silent. Somehow I knew if we got together this moment would come. Once, I had loved this woman more than anyone or anything in the world. She had given me the most precious gift any man could receive, our daughter. But the images and knowledge of those events could never be erased. The one thing that might have tempted me was the fear of being alone. But now, I knew I was not alone. And if she would have me I would never be alone again.

"Donna, it's not a question of me forgiving you. It's can you forgive yourself? As for us," I shook my head, "There is no going back for me."

With tears in her eyes she said, "Is there, is there someone else Ken?"

I nodded, "I think so. I hope so anyway."

"Is it, is it Casey?" She said sadly.

I nodded silently.

"Sam talks about her all the time. She is.... she is a lucky girl." She said wistfully.

I got up to leave, anxious to return home. Donna gathered her purse and we walked out to the lobby. She turned and looked at me. "Thanks Ken, for talking with me." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked toward the elevators. I turned and headed outside for the car and never looked back. I knew now what I wanted out of life.

When I walked into the house, mom, dad and Casey were all sitting at the dining room table. Crayons and a couple of Sam's coloring books were scattered across the table.

Mom said, "You were gone longer than I thought you would be, Ken. Sam just went to bed. I'm sure she is still awake if you want to say good night to her."

"In a minute mom," I said as I looked at Casey.

I must have looked pretty grim as I walked in the door. As Casey's face had a sudden look of apprehension. "I'll be going. The three of you probably want to talk." She said as she started to get up.

I took a hold of her hand and pulled her back down into her chair. I sat down next to her and wouldn't let go. "No Casey. It's you I want to talk to right now. I know now for sure what I want in my future."

Looking her in the eyes, I said, "Casey, knowing what I've been through, and what marriage means to me, and if Sam approves. Will you marry me?"

Casey had turned suddenly pale and her mouth was open in a big 'O'. I could see mom's hands come up and cover her mouth as tears appeared in her eyes. And dad was just grinning to beat the band.

"But, but ..." Was all Casey could get out.

"Oh, and Casey ... I love you. I've known for awhile but I couldn't say it until now."

Casey threw her arms around my neck and said in my ear, "Oh Ken, yes I want to marry you more than anything in the world."

Mom was crying openly and dad was hugging her and still smiling.

Casey pulled back and looked troubled. "But what about Sam, what if she won't have me?"

"Well, let's go find out shall we?" And I pulled her to her feet and headed down the hallway to Sam's room."

I knocked on Sam's door and said "Sam? It's daddy."

"Daddy, did you come to kiss me goodnight?" She said sleepily.

"No Sam, Casey and I want to talk to you, okay?"

We came into her room and I turned on her bedside lamp. Sam sat up blinking at us and said "Okay."

Casey and I sat on the edge of her bed and I took a hold of Sam's hand. "Sam, would it be okay with you if Casey and I got married. That means that the three of us would live together and Casey would become your second mother."

Sam looked solemnly at the two of us and said. "We would live together, always? I would like that."

Then she looked troubled and said, "But what about mommy?"

"Mommy would still be your first mommy, Sam. And you would still see her all you want. But Casey would be your second mommy."

Sam thought about that for a minute. "But if she is my second mommy, I can't call her Casey any more." She said plaintively.

"Would you like to call me Momma Casey, Sam?" Casey asked quietly.

"Momma Casey, Momma Casey. Okay, I will call you Momma Casey." Sam said happily.

And that is what Sam did. Over the next few months however, 'Momma Casey' eventually became just 'momma.'

The divorce was final about six weeks later. Two months after that we were married in a small ceremony in the local Methodist church. Just in time for mom and dad to leave for Florida before the first snow. Trevor was my best man and of course Sam was our flower girl. Seeing Casey, with her dad following Sam down the isle was a wonder.

I found a house for us that sat high on a hill that we could see Grand Traverse Bay from. We moved in right after the wedding. We experienced our first northern Michigan winter in that house. I am convinced that Casey conceived in front of the fireplace on one cold snowy night.

Casey had insisted on going off the pill a month before the wedding. Something about a promise she made Sam. I didn't ask for details

Casey had gone to work at Munson Medical Center and occasionally did some work at the local VA Hospital. But she had to quit within a year when her pregnancy made it difficult to get around.

Jack and Brenda got tired of making the trip up to see Sam every week, so they moved north to within thirty miles of us. Jack said it worked out all around as it put them two hours closer to his other grandkids in the U.P. Donna decided to stay with them and help take care of her mother.

She eventually found a job working for a group of cardiac specialists in the area. She and Sam get together a couple of times a week and Sam sometimes stays the weekend. Donna and I don't talk much but I did hear she was dating occasionally.

My reverie was broken by someone calling my name. I looked up as my mom and dad, Casey's mom and dad, and Harvey all crowded into the doorway of the hospital room. "Hold those babies up and let me take a picture of all of you." Dad pleaded.

"Wait dad. Sam you sit here right in front of me." Casey said. We put one bundle in each of Sam's arms and Casey and I leaned over each of her shoulders helping her support the babies and smiled at the camera.

That picture of the five of us with Sam beaming at the camera has a place of honor over our mantle.

Every time I look at that picture, it reminds me that I am the most fortunate man on earth.

The Black & Tan was in existence from the early sixties until the late seventies. This is how it was described to me many years ago. Its notoriety was real. Gino's Bar was a regular hangout of mine in the seventies and early eighties. A drinking mans bar it was popular with the many factory rats in the area. Gino finally sold it back in the nineties about five years before he died. It was never the same after he was gone. The Airport Tavern is still there but caters to a more upscale dinner crowd now.