Bless This Broken Road

Britney smiled slightly.

"Yeah, Anna and Tim separated for several months back then."

I stared at Anna and watched her eyes begin to tear again. A quick glance at Tim confirmed Britney's statement.

"Seems they're back to their old selves again though, him doing whatever she wants no matter what the consequences."

Anna started to say something but I interrupted her.

"If he wasn't, we wouldn't be sitting here this evening."

"Brad," Anna said gently. "While it may look that way, things have changed in our marriage. Some of the changes have been for the better and have strengthened our marriage, while some other areas haven't healed completely. That's why we're here tonight."

"What we did ... we're so ashamed. We just needed to tell you how sorry we were. No, it's more than that. I needed to tell you how sorry I am for betraying your trust."

"When everything came into the light during that party, what I saw made me sick. Our ... my actions were unforgivable. I'd forced my husband to choose me over his best friend even though I knew what we were doing was wrong."

"My actions tore us apart. Tim moved out for two months. It would've been longer but when we found out I was pregnant, he moved back home."

"Congratulations," I said coldly, "do you know who the father is?"

Britney gasped, while Anna looked like I'd slapped her. I turned and glared at Tim, daring him to say something.

Anna recovered first. "You may not believe it," Anna said softly, "but I never cheated on Tim."

"Well," I replied coldly. "Britney had to learn to be a good cheating wife from someone and you were such a good mom to her back then. So you're right, I don't believe you, guilt by association."

Anna sighed deeply and nodded. "Apparently my husband felt the same way. One of the conditions he demanded before he'd move back was I end all communication with Brit. We didn't talk for over a year. Then, with Tim's permission, I re-established my relationship with Brit but so much had happened by then. Things between us have never been the same. Brad, I am so sorry. I'm sorry for what our actions did to you, what they did to all of us."

I sat quietly and didn't say anything until I felt a thin, warm hand squeezing mine. I looked over at Jordan and I could see the pleading in her eyes begging me to let go of the past.

"Alright, Anna," I sighed. "What's done is done, can't change any of that. Truth is I don't hate you or Tim. I just try not to think of either of you. That was until Tim moved down here and was a daily reminder."

"Man, I'm sorry but I didn't think you'd meet with us any other way," Tim said softly.

"Well you're right, I wouldn't have. So you've said your apologies and I've accepted them. You're forgiven. Now maybe we can all go on with our lives and never cross paths again."

"What about me?" Britney said her voice full of emotion. "Am I forgiven?"

"What about you?" I said colder than I meant to. "Hell Britney, all of this has been about you ... as always."

She wiped a stray tear from her face with her napkin. I felt Jordan's hand gently squeezing mine again.

"You're right Brad. I was a stupid, selfish bitch back then."

An awkward silence covered the table. It was as if they were all waiting on my response.

"Well don't expect me to disagree!" I snapped.

"It probably won't make any difference but," Britney softly continued. "I knew I'd made a horrible mistake before our divorce was even final. During his divorce, I learned that Derek hadn't been as honest with me as I first believed. His family had never forbid him from marrying me. They'd hoped he'd marry his previous wife but they never arranged it. Derek told me later he'd felt pressured by them."

"I had my doubts but by then I was committed. I knew I'd destroyed any chance of saving our marriage. Like a fool, I'd chased after an old dream that wasn't even real back in college."

"You asked earlier who was watching my baby. My baby girl is in the arms of the angels. I lost her in my fifth month of pregnancy. The doctors discovered a couple of things at that time. I apparently have a genetic condition that won't let me carry a child full term. The fact I carried my baby for five months was supposedly a minor miracle.

"There was another thing the doctor's discovered. I had HIV and didn't know it. It was apparently a gift from my ex-husband!"

I was stunned. For a moment I thought she'd accused me of giving her AIDS!

"Well it sure didn't come from me," I spat.

"No," Britney smirked sadly. "It was my other ex-husband, Derek. When Derek and I got married I'd thought we'd both been tested for HIV. I thought it was a part of the blood test we were required to get. I was wrong, HIV testing is optional. While I was tested, Derek wasn't."

"So you might have given it to me?" I growled.

Jordan squeezed my hand. Brit looked at me with tears running down her cheeks.

"Yes, I might've but I didn't. I was having unprotected sex with Derek while we were still married. Thankfully I didn't infect you. My initial tests all came back clean. Even my follow-up test a few months later were negative. They said I was apparently infected shortly before or after I got pregnant. Derek claimed he must have caught it before he moved to Dallas but when a married woman who lived in North Dallas tested positive and identified him as her lover, his cheating was exposed.

"Lawsuits and threats of lawsuits made Derek unpopular with his father's law firm. Although nothing ever came of it, the scandal was enough for the firm to distance themselves from Derek. Two other married women had their worlds turned upside down when he was forced to give up any other sexual contacts.

"I don't know why I hadn't expected him to cheat on me. I shouldn't have been surprised since he'd cheated on his first wife with me. I guess I'd hoped it wouldn't have happened within the first year of our marriage.

"I was alone too, Brad, although I knew I'd brought most of it down on myself. My husband was cheating on me, my ex-husband hated me, my family was extremely disappointed in me for what I'd done to you, and my best friend wasn't talking to me.

"Our marriage didn't survive a year after my miscarriage. Derek slithered away into some hole. He died six months ago of pneumonia. I'm told it was AIDS-related.

"My condition hasn't developed into AIDS but I live with the fear every day. It isn't the death sentence it was years ago but it sure as hell has changed my life.

"I also get to live with the fact there's no one to blame for my situation but myself. It's my own damn fault I threw away a good marriage for a foolish schoolgirl dream. I chased a fantasy and ended up with nothing. Now my life is still in ruin and my future is pretty bleak.

"I'll never have the family I now want to have, not because of the HIV but because of the genetic defect. Of course adoption is an option but being a single woman with HIV makes things tricky."

"Britney," I said flatly, "you're still attractive enough to sucker in some victim. You don't have to be single."

"No," she said sadly. "I can still get laid or even have a short term fling but that's about all it ever is. I don't date much because of the disease and because it limits the type of men who will go out with me. Most are already HIV positive or just too horny to give a damn. When they find out, most men either look at me as a one night stand or someone to share their disease with. That cuts down on the number of men who are of the type I'm looking for, the type I had with my first husband.

"Brad, if you were hoping for some kind of justice, you got it. I'm a thirty-year-old, cheating, two-time divorcee with HIV. Not the type of woman most men are looking to marry and spend the rest of their life with!

I watched in silence as my ex-wife seemed to crumble into herself. Her tears were flowing now, as were Anna's and Jordan's. I sat there confused on whether to offer my condolences, laugh, or applaud her performance.

Then I looked at my wife and had an epiphany. As I stared at Jordan's face and saw the empathy that filled her eyes, I realized something. Well actually several somethings.

Turning my attention back towards Britney, I noticed everyone at the table staring at me. I guess it was my turn in the spotlight again.

"I won't tell you it doesn't bring me some sense of satisfaction to hear your life sucks after what you did to me," I said softly, "what you did to us. But it doesn't bring me any joy. I'm not doing some happy dance since you've got HIV. Of course, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it either.

"The simple fact is, Britney, I really don't care what happens to you... or Anna or Tim. When Jordan came into my life, my past went where it belonged, behind me. I rarely think of any of you anymore.

"Now I have an incredible wife who is my entire world. Recently she added to our world by giving me a son. She's my future, she walks beside me in everything I think and do, and she watches and guards my back. She really is everything to me.

"Just so you'll know Jordan has a past that makes mine look like a fairytale. She's not only survived it but she's overcoming it! Separately we're two damaged people but together ... we're whole again.

"Truth is our love is more than a little co-dependent. Hopefully the few good aspects of that condition outweigh the many bad ones because it was her intense desire for me that helped me put my demons to rest. I watched her conquer her deep distrust and fear of men with her overwhelming need and love for me.

"It was her strength that helped me to do what I never thought I'd ever be able to do again, trust. I found that her need for me was matched only by my intense desire for her to need me. Is that unhealthy? Probably, but for two recovering addicts it's salvation.

"So when the sexiest, most beautiful beanpole I'd ever met confessed she'd fallen in love with me ..." I said looking at Jordan. She chuckled even though her eyes were still brimming with tears. I smiled at her and continued.

"If you could only see the way she loves me then maybe you would understand," I said stealing a line from one of our favorite songs. I turned my attention back to Britney.

"With someone like her now in my life, why would I spend one moment more than necessary thinking about that nightmare y'all put me through? You've said what you needed to, now it's my turn. Y'all are forgiven ... now just go away.

"Go become polygamists, marry each other and give Tim that threesome he's always fantasized about, or join a cult and commit mass suicide. Hit the lotto and become rich or let Tim pimp you both out as whores on the street. Go on and have a wonderful life or have a shitty one, I don't care. Just as long as you are never a part of my life again, I'm good!"

I smiled to myself remembering how my little rant had basically ended the party. It hadn't ended the evening though and that's why I was smiling. Jordan had looked so damn good that I had to take her out dancing after our meeting.

Not that we danced for very long. She'd wrapped her arms around my neck and causally played with my hair as she peered into my eyes. When she began to grind her body into mine, I knew we'd be lucky to make it home before we attacked each other.

We did make it home that night, barely. I'd like to say we had wild monkey sex but I can't. Jordan had wrapped herself around me like a python so there wasn't enough room to have monkey sex. Instead we'd had one of the most intense, grinding nights of passion I've ever experienced. Damn what good memories!

****

"A penny for you thoughts," she whispered, her soft, southern voice drawing my attention.

"Worth way more than a penny," I laughed, "and definitely pornographic!"

I watched her eyes widen and then a small, evil grin formed on her angelic face.

"Hmmm, maybe we could work out a payment plan?"

She reached over and gently ran her fingers down my chest, across my abs, and further south. She then gave me a gentle but firm squeeze when she reached her target.

"Oh," I groaned, "I'm sure we can work something out."

She pushed me on to my back and I felt her warm tongue begin to tease my manhood. I sighed and closed my eyes as her incredible mouth enveloped me. As she slowly began to bob up and down, I heard hushed voices outside our bedroom door.

"Mommy?" the muted little voice of our five-year-old, Brandon, called out.

Talk about nature's mood killer! My beautiful, sexy wife giggled with her mouth still full. Then she sat up grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes baby?" she said laughing at the look of disappointment written on my face.

"Can me and Caleb get up and watch cartoons?"

She looked over at the clock and smiled. We both knew if this had been a weekday neither Brandon nor his three-year-old brother would be up by now. Either Jordan or I would've had to pull them out of bed and they both would have moaned and shuffled around like zombies. But since it was the weekend, surprise, up at the crack of dawn.

"Not yet, sweetheart," she cooed. "Why don't you and your brother crawl back in bed and read or color for a while."

"But mom ..." both boys answered in unison.

"Boys?" I said in my most authoritative, fatherly voice. "What did your momma say?"

Jordan and I stifled our laughs as we heard two little sets of feet run back into their room. My lovely bride turned and looked deep into my eyes. I could see a healthy mixture of mischief and desire hidden in those hazel eyes.

"That should give us a little time," she said smiling.

"Enough time to work on giving you a little girl?" I said smiling.

"We did that last night... umm... twice," she laughed. "You think the third time will be the charm?"

"Oh yeah," I said grinning. "Of course I might be a little biased."

"Ya think?" she laughed.

"Come here lover," she growled as she pressed her lips to mine.

The sweet taste of her kisses made my heart race. I slowly ran my hands down her long, lean torso until my hands rested on her small hips. I gently laid her on her back and began to trail my kisses down her long neck, across her décolletage, and softly attacked her two round globes. She let out a small whimper as my tongue worshipped the small dark pebbles sitting proudly atop those soft mounds.

When I heard her breath become raspy, I continued to work my kisses further down her body until I reached her trimmed patch of curly dark hair. I cupped her small, muscular ass in my hands and pulled her even tighter to me.

Methodically I began to lathe her labia and was met by her small gasps. She arched her hips as I buried my tongue, probing as deeply as I could. Her small mewing became rhythmic as I slowly mete out a cadence that her body was trying to dance to.

"Oh sugah, yes... right there... like that..." she panted. "Oh...oh Gawd..."

Her body went rigid like it had just received an electric shock as her orgasm coursed through her. She loudly gasped and then let out a long, soulful moan as her body slowly relaxed, coming down off her high.

"Oh Brad," she breathlessly whispered. "Oh sugah that was... that was..."

I didn't let her finish. I crawled up her body and passionately kissed her. Instinctively she reached down and guided me inside her as she locked her long legs around my waist. I could feel and hear her groan inside my mouth as I began to drive into her. Within minutes I felt her catch her breath as she clamped tightly down on me, caught in another orgasm. My groan joined my loving wife's as I exploded within her.

My body clung to this woman as I felt her incredible muscles milking me of everything I had left inside. I was surprised I still had anything left after last night's marathon.

I looked into her sleepy, contented face and smiled as I noticed her half-open eyes were swimming in raptured bliss. Her smile told me everything I needed to know. She was mine and I was hers... forever.

"I love you, Jordan," I whispered to her.

The brightness of her smile turned up several notches.

"I know lover," she giggled, "oh boy, do I know."

"Mommy? Daddy?" came a little voice on the other side of our bedroom door interrupting our post-coital intimacy. "Is it time yet?"

My beautiful wife buried her face into my chest and laughed. It was a sound I swore I would spend the rest of my life trying to give to her daily.

****

Epilogue:

So did I bring joy to her life every day? Nah, I succeeded most days but not all of them. Let's face it we're both pretty damaged people. Between my anger, her fears and Fate occasionally taking a dump in our path, there were days that there wasn't much to laugh about. Luckily those bad times have been few.

I haven't been able to completely avoid seeing Tim over the years. Our company's corporate office is in Dallas, so that's where they hold the big company meetings. Yes, I'm still with the same company. They were loyal to me when I needed help and now I try to stay loyal to them. Of course, now that they've made me the head of their Louisiana operations with a paycheck to match, it makes it pretty easy to be loyal.

Tim and I are cordial to each other on the occasions our paths cross but that's about it. About five years ago, Jordan and I went to Dallas for the weekend to attend a corporate awards banquet. My team was being honored.

At the banquet, Tim and Anna approached us and asked us to dinner the next evening. Even though it had been fifteen years since our last meeting, I wasn't all that excited about it. However, one look at Jordan told me it was time to let it go, so we accepted.

It was friendly but guarded. The conversation focused mainly on family, work and the cities we called home. Anna still carried a little extra weight but looked good. We found out they had two kids, a boy and a girl, about the same ages as our sons.

The only mention of Britney was when Anna informed us they had drifted apart when Anna had gotten pregnant with her second child. She'd heard many years later that Britney had remarried but that she'd eventually developed AIDS and had died. She believed Britney and her husband had adopted two HIV-positive children from Africa but she wasn't certain.

I hadn't thought about Britney in several years so I was ambivalent when I received the news of her death. That chapter of my life had long since been closed.

Over the years, Jordan has blossomed in a true force of nature in the community. My wife has become a local celebrity both in the business and public sectors.

She took over the art studio when Jonas and Starr retired and moved out to Colorado. Something about legalized pot, go figure. Jordan poured the same passion and love into the studio that she gave the kids and me. So it was no surprise that the studio has been so indisputably successful.

But it was in the area of public service where she endeared herself to our city. Eight years ago, Jordan was asked to speak at a local conference on domestic abuse and recovery.

My beautiful, thirty-nine year-old, wife showed up in a pair of jeans and a bikini top. While her scars initially shocked most of the audience it was her words that absolutely stunned them. She spoke with an intense confidence and was brutally frank when describing certain parts of her past. But it was when she compared herself to New Orleans that she won their hearts forever.

Like the area when Hurricane Katrina hit, Jordan stated her life was left scarred and broken. But it was the love of some friends, her children and her soul-mate that restored her to life. She would always bear the scars just like the city would, but those scars didn't make her who she was, they were just a reminder of where she'd been. Sort of like a road map.