All Comments on 'Body Possession'

But what of his Original Body. if Jamie were to Die would he Suffer with his Original Body. and if he can take over a body. why not Make over his own Body.

Perhaps you have a very good singing voice, but writing is not your thing.

Story was extremely hard to follow. Have you ever heard of commas, quotation marks, exclamation marks, etc?

Thank you for your feedback, I would like to clarify a few things. I specifically didn't get him to rework his own body because then it would be too similar to other people's stories on the site. I didn't include what happened to Jamie in the story because that would be in chapter two that the shunt just knocked Jamie out. While in chapter two I will also explain other things I left out of chapter one.

I wish I had a decent singing voice but I cannot sing, I am trying to change up my writing style as the punctuation is lacking I will admit. Also sorry if it is hard to follow as I am trying to make it flow for the readers. I will work harder to make it flow.

I found it a little hard to follow and a number of grammatical errors were in it. Slow down in the pace and expand on the scenes with more detail. I'd suggest one of the good people on here help you clean it up.

The story is interesting. I like the change from reworking the protagonists body to his doing it to others.

"Sam however began to drift out of his body as his astral form took shape. His Astral form began to drift to Sophie," Who the hell is Sophie? This is the first time she is mentioned and I still have no idea who she is and her relation to Sam.

And when Sam astral projects to Sophie and Jamie fucking, and what's the first thing he does? He doesn't control Sophie to get to fuck her; he controls Jamie so that he will come and fuck Sam. What the hell is this crap? Just terrible.

Good stories you talk to the people, your story you are talking AT people. Big difference.

I kept up with it easily not sure what the constructive ? Critism is about, you will get better as you continue writing don't give up I really enjoyed it as it was different to all the other mind control crap out there.

Your story's I've read I really enjoyed and I always keep a look out for your new posts.

I felt like I am reading someone's aswer sheet. Try to talk to the readers using the characters, third person narration throws me off as you have a central character for the scene. There is nothing wrong in third person narration, but it give a bird's eyes view, can be well utilized for situations where lot of things happen at once. In your case you are talking about a person's experience. If you can present this same story in first person narrative with a couple of thousands or more words adding to character's background, and scene detail, you can build a pretty good story.

Cant you be more invented than a 12” cock, its bloody stupid just the idea a your average Joe having a dick that big.

We all know Mr average only has 6” so why not make them have 7” or a migical dick that expanded even bigger when fully inserted into her pussy.

Not even porn stars have a foot long dick and if he did the bloody world would hear off it as its so unusually big.

Only read upto your 12” then stopped for my rant so no more reading

1* only ... be more original !!!