by GetToIt
I get the brain disease part, but why wave a gun around and threaten your own children? Am I missing something?
Again. I’ve gotten older since I read this previously. I’m not sure I get it this time.
I like short if it gets the job done and I like stories that play with the reader's mind. This did both. That was a lot of fun. Thank you.
Most of the LW audience is looking for something else entirely.
☆☆☆☆
I have read heaps of stories and in my opinion (leave sleeping dogs layor you don't flog a dead horse) IT'S SHITE! You know the stuff when you walk through the park and it is a dog friendly park and you step barefoot on doggie land mine you can't get rid of the smell because it "STINKS" LIKE THIS STORY LOVE YOU ALL! BYE! OH 10 % OF READING SHITE GREG
Wife tied to a chair and unconscious. Why? For what reasons are the rest of the people there? And how does the minor god, a brain surgeon, become proficient with a gun? Do we really think he'll shoot anyone of them? And the ending. A MIRACLE! A simply drug concoction either saves her life or changes her behavior? Even though he couldn't/didn't test her for anything? Sorry but to be any good this story needed a LOT more information. As a flash story it was a miserable waste of time.
Why? Shouldn't have been a flash story. Needed build-up, lots of build-up.You should have made him fear she was having an affair, then had the slow release of facts that would make him think: "Wait! What is really happening here? Is she having an affair? Or might there be a medical problem?
I suggest you do a re-write a long re-write. *3 Stars for the story so far. But you could use this as the basis for a 5* story.
Matt Black, UK, not logged in, but still on the site.
I admit that doing brain surgery with a syringe is out of the ordinary, perhaps he was injecting nanobots in which case it should be Sci Fi. Classification is not that important
but I recognize that I enjoyed it... and would not have read it in any other classification!
Not sure what to make of it. Grateful that it is short; less time wasted. P.S. He should have shot Eric anyway, just for the fun of it. If he's so macho why does he need a bulletproof vest? Pussy!
Definitely something new and refreshing. You did a very good job on such a short story. No married gay men here. Love it. Keep writing.
Thought that she was a cheater couldn't figure what brain surgeon had with it, but the used syringes gives a wee bit of fore telling to keep you to the end .5*****
However, can a 'brain disease' really be cured by a couple of injections. And why did he need the gun?
Will there be more?
To come up with that weak plot. More likely a Wal-Mart cashier.
Could have been posted in humor. As a flash story, I liked it.
3*, but this story left out a lot of questions unanswered...There are short stories that say it all, but this wasn't one of them...
Your just sitting there minding your own business then POW! your hit by a drive-by story leaving you with a smile on your face. Thanks
...that this author's next story will be titled, "Einstein?" And that it will begin:
"You should trust my judgment," I told the four people standing in my giant, well-furnished living room. "After all, my name is Einstein."
...because the first 80% of this "story" would have made an interesting start to a REAL story. However, that said, the way this one was cut off at the knees...sheesh!
Don't know which is worse..this idiot author or this pathetic site.
Crap story after crap story on this site lately. If it wasn't for the subject matter, I'd think this was a site for eighth grade writers. Don't you have to have some minimal standards? I guess not. One star.
....not too well thought out.
Think about it. 1* for having so little regard for the audience.