Bring Me to Life

I hesitated only a moment before reminding myself that the alternative was far too much time alone with my thoughts, "I umm... I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your hard work these last weeks..." I paused, trying to find the right words, "I mean, I'll admit to being a bit concerned about whom I would be saddled with, but... well, if these first three weeks are any indication I really am grateful that you were selected as my Associate."

Her smile lit up her eyes, which made my mouth say something I hadn't fully thought through, "I know I pushed you hard the last few weeks and you've put in a lot of extra hours for me... if it's ok, I'd like to thank you by taking you to dinner tonight?"

Mikaela - Friday, December 12th, 2014

The air felt charged as Alexis's question hung there. Those blue eyes, usually cold as ice, in rare moments warm as sapphires, now looked almost scared. The nervousness in her eyes briefly made me wonder if there was more to this invitation that she was saying, and a voice in the back of my head asked if that wasn't because I wanted there to be something more... with a mental 'Fuck it', I decided to test the waters as I replied with a light teasing tone intended to give her an easy out if I was off the mark as I replied, "Why Ms. Hart, dinner on a Friday night? You wouldn't be trying to ask me on a date would you?"

I immediately regretted my decision as the blood seemed to drain from her face and with a strangled gasp she shook her head and then practically ran from the office. Swearing under my breath I quickly closed up my system and grabbed my coat as I rushed to the parking garage, hoping I'd find her before she left. I had no clue what had just happened, but I knew I had to try and fix it.

Alexis - Friday, December 12th, 2014

I barely registered the halls of the office as my feet led me to my car, wracked by fear, guilt, and the darkness I struggled so hard to shut out. Sam's beautiful face floated in my mind as I sat in my car, barely holding tears at bay. What I saw was not the too thin visage of her illness, but the vibrant lively face that I remembered from our best years. The only thing out of place was the accusation in her eyes... a look I had never actually seen from her, but I certainly felt it, powered by my own guilt. Why had I asked Mikaela to dinner? Why had I let my guard down around her? Was I being unfaithful to Sam's memory, or simply afraid of being alone with my thoughts?

A caustic laugh ripped itself from my throat at this last thought, even if I was interested in someone else, I knew Sam wouldn't have been mad at me... not after she had made me make that impossible promise. I closed my eyes as my memories spiralled back to that day last year...

*******

Alexis - Saturday, November 16th, 2013

My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest as I saw the pain on Sam's face, pain that I couldn't do anything about, and for lack of anything better, I took her in my arms and just held her.

With a shuddering breath, she looked up at me and whispered gently, "I love you Lexie, with all my heart. I've been so blessed to have these last ten years with you, you know that right?"

My only answer was to hold her tighter and kiss her forehead, a tear forming in the corner of my eye as I watched my heart in so much pain, "I feel like we just found each other... ten years are not enough..."

"Shhhh. Honey, I need you to promise me something. Lexie, it's something I know you will hate, but something I need you to promise me. It's the only way I can let go peacefully..."

I gasped, my voice strangled as I tried to argue, "No! Don't let go. You could still get better Sam... there's that new clinical trial..."

She didn't let me finish, "No Lexie... I can feel it, and I hate that I'm going to be leaving you, but the doctors are right... the cancer is simply too far advanced... I'm not sure how much time I have left with you. That's why I need you to promise me that when I'm gone, you will remember how to live. You put so much of your life on hold for me during my illness this year, but you need to go back to living and, eventually, you need to let someone else into your life... you're too young, with too much life yet to live, to love, to be happy."

I shook my head, not wanting to hear this, "Sam, I..."

She cut me off before I could refuse her, and said calmly "Lexie, my love... consider this my last request. Please, promise me?"

Looking into her eyes, wondering at the strange peace that seemed to have masked her pain for now, I nodded helplessly "I promise, Sam."

She whispered "Good, I love you dear heart... happy birthday", with that said her eyes closed and then suddenly she went limp in my arms.

"Sam?" I brushed her hair back from her face, shocked at how quiet the room had suddenly become ... "Sam!" my voice broke as I tried in vain to get a response. Turning my head I cried out for the live-in nurse we'd hired so Sam could be comfortable at home. That was the last time Sam and I spoke. She slipped into a coma... and then slipped away.

*********

Alexis - Friday, December 12th, 2014

My thoughts were startled back to the present by someone knocking at the window of my car. Looking up I saw Mikaela standing outside my car, concern clearly etched on her features, and with a tired resignation, I waved her to the passenger side where she got in and turned to look at me, holding out a pack of tissues.

"Thanks... I must look a fright," I answered her, looking pointedly at my hands.

"Alexis, if I said anything inappropriate...?"

"No... no it wasn't you... it's just... something I'd rather not get into right now."

"Fair enough, sounds like you could use a distraction from something though and I do recall a dinner invitation, strictly professional of course?"

Grateful that apparently Mikaela was as adept at reading my needs outside the office as she was within, I nodded and replied "I vaguely recall the offer in question, I don't suppose we could take a rain check though... I'm suddenly..."

Before I could finish, Mikaela deftly cut me off with a gentle smile "Now Ms. Hart, I do believe my employee feedback forms are due next week and I don't believe that reneging on an offer of free food would play very well in my feedback. For strictly professional reasons, I must urge you to think about your year-end review and take me out for that dinner you offered."

Stifling a laugh at the impish gleam in her eyes, I shook my head, "Alright Mikaela," I wondered how it was that she could make me smile at this particular moment, "You've persuaded me."

She just nodded, "One more thing, no more of this Mikaela nonsense. I prefer Mikey."

"You drive a hard bargain, Mikaela," I grinned, enjoying the flash in her eyes at my refusal to cave.

"So where are you taking me, then?"

Mikaela - Monday, December 15th, 2014

The weekend had passed in a blur. During dinner Friday Alexis had been quiet and withdrawn; the woman who usually radiated a calm authority had simply looked lost. Whatever it was that spooked her was completely off-limits, and after dinner she dropped me off at my train with a polite wish for a good weekend and a comment that she would see me in the office Monday.

I had tried reaching out to a few contacts to find out more about her, without any mention of Friday's events, but was met with either the typical response of "She's just made of ice that one, don't say I never warned you," or a far more concerning comment along lines of "It's not my place to say... if she wants you to know, she'll tell you." The latter usually came coupled with sympathetic support for whatever hardship she might be putting me through, but I wasn't concerned with their sympathy, I was concerned about what was hurting my friend so much... and about the pain I'd seen in those sapphire eyes... fuck, I thought as her eyes floated back into my mind, I am so fucked... How is it possible that I could care so much for her in the short amount of time that I've known her?

Walking into the office I was surprised to find Alexis had arrived before me. While she was no shirk, and often stayed late, mornings weren't usually her thing. One look at her eyes let me know what kind of day this would be: Icy with storm clouds.

I shot over a warm "Good morning," and she responded with a single nod, I got behind my desk and got to work.

Alexis - Wednesday, December 17th, 2014

"Because Marc, I don't want to go, that's why." I glared at the telephone silently cursing my boss for pushing me to go to the company's dinner this Friday.

His warm chuckle through the phone was aggravating as he replied, "Well you should have thought of that before you shattered pretty much every sales record the firm has ever had. The senior partners made it very clear to me that they expect to see you there, and it's my ass if you're not."

Growling to myself, fully aware I was losing this debate, I gave it one more halfhearted attempt, "Be that as it may, I..."

He didn't let me finish, this time his voice carried a slight edge, though no less warmth, "And because you know what she would have said."

I sat back shocked into silence for a moment, the downside of Marc being a work-friend was that he knew everything that I'd gone through with Sam, but more importantly he had actually known her and mourned with me when she passed. "Fuck you for going there, Marc..."

"Does that mean you'll come?"

A last sigh, "Yeah... don't even pretend you didn't know that you'd win that one."

"Good, and bring that new Associate we hired for you. If she's half as good as your evaluation says, she should meet some of the partners too," and adding with a touch of sympathy, "and if you're lucky she may deflect some of the attention from you."

"One can hope, I suppose. Send me the details for the dinner by end of day please?"

As I hung up I turned to relay the invitation to Mikaela and then went back over some of the updates she had sent me last week as well as the usual client concerns approaching the holidays.

When I asked her about it later on, I noted the look of concern on her face, "Everything OK Mikaela?"

She looked, for the first time since I've known her, completely unsure, "Oh, yeah, it's just that I'm not a huge fan of driving in the city and it doesn't look like the transit lines are that great near the restaurant for Friday."

"Well, that's easily remedied. If you'd like, I can give you a lift to the restaurant from work and drop you at your train after?"

Mikaela smiled as a look of resolve formed on her face, "If it's not an imposition... I'd really appreciate it."

I found myself considering her briefly before responding, it seemed like she was still uncertain, but if she didn't want to tell me what was really on her mind I wasn't about to pry. "Think nothing of it," I replied as I buried myself back in my work.

Alexis - Friday, December 19th, 2014

Mikaela and I had called an early day today to get ready for the dinner tonight. For my part I was wearing a black dress that Sam had always said looked great on me. I accessorized with a diamond solitaire necklace that Sam bought for me our last Christmas together, coupled with matching stud earrings. I had my hair done and carried a small black clutch with my essentials. It was pretty simple as far as these things went, but it was good enough for a work function and I didn't have the energy for more than that. And now I was waiting for Mikaela who was, uncharacteristically, running late. My phone buzzed, catching my attention and alerting me to an incoming text,

《Mikaela》 Be there in 5, sorry I'm late.

《Alexis》 If you want to be a couple hours later it would give me an excuse to skip this?

《Mikaela》 Not a chance in hell Alexis, didn't spend this long getting ready just to ditch

"Damn... oh well, didn't honestly expect that to work," I muttered to myself.

A movement to the side caught my attention and as I looked up I felt my breath catch. Mikaela was walking towards me and I couldn't help as my eyes slowly traveled upwards from her shoes, barely able to fully take in the sight. Where she normally wore flats, tonight she had put on an elegant set of black short heels with just enough lift to emphasize the curve of her calves. Above that she wore black slacks, as was her habit, but these were tailored so perfectly to her that they looked painted on. Her blouse was perfect, sapphire blue like the one she wore when I first met her, but this one flared over her hips going a bit past mid-thigh, giving the impression of a dress while preserving her preferred style.

She wore an open front black jacket over the blouse which seemed to emphasize rather than mask her figure. Around her neck was a choker of emeralds sparking with the same fire as her eyes, and matching emeralds hung from her ears. As she strode towards my car, I found myself staring, then mentally kicking myself as I reminded myself that I had already had my turn... Sam may have died young, but I would hold on to that memory and stay true to her.

Swallowing hard, I managed a teasing "About time, ready to go?" as I climbed into the car. Apparently Mikaela found some humor in this because she just laughed as she climbed in beside me.

"Yeah, let's go," she finally added as I realized that I hadn't started the car yet. Blushing slightly that she'd distracted me so, I put the car in gear and drove off to the dinner.

Mikaela - Friday, December 19th, 2014

I sat next to Alexis quietly. On the one hand I had noticed her appreciation of my appearance and a part of me was thrilled by it, though in light of her near breakdown a week ago I knew that those were dangerous waters... shark infested, even. Mostly though I was concerned about this dinner, though for a reason very different from what Alexis may have assumed.

My concern centered on my father. It wasn't something I talked about, and for the most part I had managed to keep a lid on this factoid, but my father was the Senior VP of Wealth Management at the corporate office, and I had no doubt that the senior partners would certainly recognize me as Dad's plus one from the annual gala the head office held for upper management. Despite my insistence on keeping the relationship private for the most part so that I could advance strictly on merit and not on the basis of blood, he had countered by insisting that I get the opportunity to meet and network with other leaders in the business. I vehemently disagreed with him, of course, until the opportunity to work with Alexis popped up. The end result was that I was now on my way to a dinner where all my careful attempts to obfuscate my family background might be for naught.

Despite that, I was not blind to the vision of Alexis sitting next to me, her attire was so like her... designed to look just elegant enough to fit in without standing out. The only flaw with her plan was that if one knew to look a little more carefully (and I did), the dress did very little to hide the incredibly sexy body underneath. The subtleties of her dress only served to emphasize her natural beauty, and if not for discovering the emotional minefield that lay beneath it, I had to wonder if I wouldn't try to see where things would go. I briefly let myself fantasize such a reality; while it may raise some eyebrows, technically I reported to Marc and not to her, so there weren't any actual conflicts of interest... and even if you considered my father's position, he was far enough removed that the lack of influence (he had no say in the way individual teams were compensated or promoted) was true for the reverse as well. I stared at the passing shadows in the wing mirror, once more berating myself for falling for someone like Alexis.

Lost in thought, I failed to notice that we had arrived until Alexis nudged me, "Shall we go parade for the senior partners?" she asked, somewhat sarcastically.

"Hmm, let's, but do remember their age when you strut past them, wouldn't want them getting heart attacks over staring at your... swish," I finished cheekily.

I was rewarded by one of Alexis's rare laughs and her eyes melting into sapphires for a brief moment before she shook her head and got out of the car.

We survived the necessary small talk and the inane banter of boring financial analysts. Thankfully, we were all called to our tables before either one of us died from boredom. I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who hated cocktail events more than me, but Alexis won top prize hands down.

The meal itself was wonderful, though the rest of the evening was best described as stuffy and self-congratulatory. I had managed, at least, to subtly discourage any of the partners from openly acknowledging me, and I might have been imagining it, but Marc certainly seemed incredibly amused that he knew something about me that Alexis didn't. He kept glancing over at us and grinning as we heard speech after speech about the firm's success.

When they started to rattle off individuals for recognition, Alexis was singled out as a star performer. That was when I realized that the more praise was lauded on Alexis the more she drank and while it was clear that she could hold her liquor, she was in no condition to drive when the dinner came to a close.

For once I was grateful for my relationship to my father as I was able to discretely speak with a couple of the senior partners and make excuses that Alexis had been fighting a virus the past couple days and was feeling unwell so I would be helping her home. Whatever they may have felt about my story, they clearly felt it best accepted at face value and conveyed well wishes for her health. Being familiar with the venue, I led Alexis out one of the side exits near our table to avoid an embarrassing interaction, and the inevitable office gossip that would follow. As I helped Alexis through the gardens and back to her car I was faced with a new dilemma: I didn't know where she lived and she wasn't in the best state for giving directions.

Taking her keys, I made a decision and just hoped for the best as I drove her back to my place.

While I had a spare bedroom, it wasn't furnished, so after chewing my lip to shreds debating on the best course of action, I decided that my king size was big enough to share and, helping her out of her dress (and trying not to ogle her too much), I helped her into an oversized t-shirt and into bed before getting changed myself and crawling in on the other side.

Alexis - Saturday, December 20th, 2014

"...remember how to live," the voice floated through my head as my eyes cracked open. My head hurt something fierce, but for a moment my heart felt light. I looked out the grand windows to the lake down the slight hill and, closing my eyes again, rolled in to the warmth next to me, wrapping my arm around her and holding her close. I knew this was a dream, I hadn't lived here for over a month now, but my dreams were the only place left I could be with Sam so I just lost myself in the warmth and love as I leaned forward to kiss the top of her head.

Breathing in deeply, something started nagging at me... this wasn't quite right... though pleasant, the hair in front of me smelled of lavender and not of coconut as Sam's would have. And that's when reality came crashing down on me as I jerked back, almost as if burned, looking down at Mikaela who was just stirring at my abrupt move and whose eyes were suddenly filled with concern as I pulled my knees to my chest and just sat there.

Mikaela - Saturday, December 20th, 2014