All Comments on 'BTB Forum: Founder’s story'

He is a sad incestuous cuckold (yes, incestuous, he was her father for over 20 years), and his belated revenge - on his own daughter - was pathetic. The author does not understand what being a father means, apparently.

...is right. WTF was that?

Well written, but man that plot line. Sad thing is he could have prevented the whole thing from the get go by just confronting her (about her past and plans for the future) before the trip and making it clear what the consequences would be.

Revenge (justice?) should be reserved for those who are blindsided. This guy allowed everything to happen from day one and watched like a silly voyeur until fate handed him a justice he could never have planned.

... but unfortunately, in the convoluted mess that you wrote, it was completely missed. Way too weird, dude. Sorry, after reading your bio, make that dudette, which, btw, explains a lot.

...for a story very unlikely to happen in reality. Character development, dialogue and emotions were reduced to nearly nothing. As others, I cannot see why this was posted under "BTB forum". There was anything but BTB: a lifetime as a cuckold, humilation in relation to his busyness peers and no real revenge. The writing style made me skip parts of the dragging-along story (normally I am a quite thorough reader).

In your introduction you described this as a "Flash Story" I have to rethink the definition of flash stories after this. I struggled but was unable to take this so skipped over three pages therefore I will not score this.

What was your motivation for writing this drivel. Your contempt for love and fidelity seems to be the most likely reason for this mockery of the pain and anguish suffered by those who have been betrayed by their spouses. It's difficult to comprehend your hatred for anyone who is true to their love and faithful to their spouse.

it would have made much more sense

Incredible story!!

Waiting that long for a revenge . . . and becoming so incapable of feeling that in effect, he took that revenge out as much on his daughter and lover (in other words his wife's affair partner's biological daughter and son) as on his his wife and her affair partner . . . cluster-fuck (literally) of epic proportion.

And BTB to the max, his wife apparently figured out everything he'd done to get that revenge, but still loved him and ultimately blamed herself . . . a bit Greek tragedy but with a modern survival touch . . . most of the main characters move forward, but apparently with numbed feelings all around.

And in an odd Western touch - Death (and/or Heaven) for Ryan, the only innocent, Hell for Ray and Suzy (in keeping with Dostoyevki's 'inability to love'), Purgatory (or maybe an outer circle of Hell) for everybody else.

Started out as a twisted mess and ended even worse. In the beginning, if they are entertaining Ray, why are they driving home afterwards? Doesn't one "entertain" in their own home? And why was Mrs Pritchard at the dinner? What did she have to do with anything? Then he begins the surveillance. Was he massively wealthy? Because it sounds like he had his wife and Ray under surveillance for 20 plus years. Really? And what kind of pathetic, sniveling, spineless man lives with a woman he hates for 25 years only to finally get no real revenge on her? Regardless of the sperm donor Rayna is his daughter. He raises her. All those years. You think a mask and a blindfold would disguise him enough so she wouldn't realize who it was that took her virginity? That was just stupid. And in a Court of law, it would have been considered incest. And since that was in this story you should have posted it in incest. You reinforced that when you had Ryan and Rayna, brother and sister, fuck each other and get her pregnant. Again, incest. But the clincher was that he supposedly didn't recognize Mrs Ray? After all those years of surveillance? You're kidding right? Then comes the car wreck. In a short driveway they supposedly get up enough speed that ramming into an Iron Gate destroys the car? You're in the Grand Caymans at some private villa. Not some full security Embassy that would have a gate designed to repel a terrorist attack. Worse thing that could happen is that they get up to about 30 mph, hit the gate knocking it off its hinges and the car got a flat tire. The amount of destruction you envisioned was laughable. At least TRY to write something convincing. This whole mess got lost in your attempt to be clever. In search of some massive, convoluted revenge plot, you managed to produce an unintelligible, overwrought, confusing mess. Even a great editor couldn't have saved this and you really, really need an editor. So many mistakes.

1 star for a complete and utter train wreck.

This reads like an outline with only the most minor of segues built in to 'make it publishable.'

Most people, when this happens it is clearly because of hurry or an underdeveloped talent. In your case, I think you know the importance of watching an event play out and of human interaction as the driving force of a story (you try for that at the final confrontation). In your case, I think it's because you created a story that stretches out over so many years but has finite space to cover that in.

Opening with the final confrontation, and having your main character (over the course of that scene) explain a lot of his previous actions and their motivations, would have worked better. We don't need a line-by-line of the entire years-long journey, which is what we have now, but we do need more of his logic and justifications. Otherwise, as it stands now, it seems like he wasted most of his life on a revenge that was much harsher on the children than the adults. In fact, as it stands now, if I had to identify one character who managed to lose slightly less than anyone else (main character included) it would be HIS WIFE. She had a nice suburban life and got him to help raise her daughter for decades. And in the end, she mostly just lost her marriage. Beyond that her biggest consequence was just watching others suffer because of her actions, which she mostly pawned off on her lover anyway.

I had a hard time with the logic behind his moralizing. His wife is a cheater, sure, but he justifies fucking with his "daughter's" life simply because she is 'a slut.' She's not married, or even dating at that time. She's just guilty of being a female who likes sex, and therefore punishable by the standards of this story.

the ending leads me to believe that he is still good friends if not more with his wife. Reminds me of a Jimbob or edrider story i guess.... I really have no words to even describe this "story"

and into the arms of her former lover? He said he needed the business, but later he claims he stopped doing business with the guy when he screwed his wife. He travels long distances to get his wife together with her old flame and then gets pissed when she does? If he had just dropped the guy (Ray) as a customer, all of this crap could have been avoided. Then he bought his daughter's virginity? This is not a smart or very good person.

Just a bunch of twisted bullshit.

It was a well told story.

But the protagonist was, in his own way, just as bad as his rival. If not more so.

I gave it 5 * even though he let his bitch of a wife off too easy ! OK , so it wasn't a great L.W. story , it's still better than all the willing cream pie swilling' crap that is 90% of the stories on this site ! He should have shown his wife the tape of he and Rayna , and then perused a relationship with her ! That would have been a real BTB story !

And as always I hope Bonnie Taylor and VestieSmith2' get terminal case of Genital Warts !

In a story told in the main from a first person standpoint, you have to like, identify or empathize with the storyteller. That's really, really hard to do cosidering what he did to Rayna, who, while not his blood, and who was the embodiment of his betrayal, apparently loved him as her father. He's as bad or worse than the wife who'd betrayed him in past, but that was done, and he had years thereafter to not only stew in his misery, but also years to realize that the person he'd really damage the most would be Rayna.

This is a sad BTB story...Why? Because his wife and the lover deserved a lot of pain...but the child, was a innocent person and she was who suffered more, even more than the other wife that lost her son...So have innocent people suffer to achieve a revenge is sad...Well written, and I can understand those who loved the story and those who didn't...Just because of Raynas' suffering, 2*

A sad btb story. The wife's a slut so what does he do. He stays married to her for 20 years raising her her and Ray child. Meanwhile his wife slights his boys but eagerly showers her attention on her daughter. He hangs around on the off chance the daughter will be like the mother and he can guck her and set her up in insedtuioud relationships with her father a brother. He should have just it a gun to his head it would have hurt less. Sad BTB

Seriously, this is sick beyond scorched eath btb. What man would knowingly molest and mind rape a girl he has loved and raised as his own daughter, destroying and betraying her worse and far more evilly than her slut mother and freak biological father?

That you try and justify this as legal is not. Incest, by legal definition, includes a man in his paricular xircumstance. Its a protection for women against stepfathers.

If this is what your special brand of BTB offers, sacrificing and raping children while rooting for pieces of human shit, expect many 1s. Btb stories are about well deserved justice. This is not.

Plot was a bit hard to follow. My largest critique is that the story contains too much narrative and almost no dialogue. This makes it really hard to read and follow.

Sort of anti-climax, after such a long build up. For that reason, only 4*

wtf is wrong with you?

Fast forwarded so I could put this in. You need help.... professional help. What a sick story.

making a comment is vastiesmith alias bonnietaylor2. I gave it a 1. Talk about a fucked up guy. Took 20 years to burn the bitch. Please give me a break.

He should have just killed the cheating slut and her asshole lover as soon as possible after finding out what happened. That would have saved so much pain and suffering.

Even though he said he acted like a father towards Rayna he was not much of one to her in the end was he? What about the other younger sons, where were they in this fuck up? And P.I. investigations for 20 years, what did that cost? It may be fiction but it stretched credibility to breaking point.

... Convoluted, overly complex, way too long, and the motivations of the characters are absolutely over the top...

I'm a science fiction fan and I believe in Huge fucking worms that make psychedelic spice, Space Freighters crewed by female lions types, and Fuzzies. But I could not suspend disbelief enough to buy into this...

thnx for the effort, I guess...

I'm sorry but the more I read the more boring this story became. Please don't write a sequel to this boring monster of a story. I couldn't read past the 4th page. I gave it 1*

A BTB story that is far too complicated and unbelievable. Could you really raise a daughter for all that time and do that to her? I couldn't. 2*

Sorry, but BTB isn't something you sit on for nearly 20 years. Cuckold, true and simple by the most basic of definitions. Not only that but what fucktard raises a daughter and then takes her virginity while setting her up for an unknown incest episode. So ultimately, the worst asshat in this entire story is your alleged "hero".

Ummmm.....where?

This pathetic gnawing of the bones of a bad story isn't worth wasting my time in even taking apart. You're a sick bastard, I'm out after the first page.

I gave you 3 Stars to be charitable, but I really think you should try writing something other than BTB stories. This was not that, not by a long shot!

Thank you all for the feedback on the story - be it positive or negative.

As I've said to other authors in the genre, whom I've read as part of "research" into the genre, I avoided this genre for a long time simply because it brings up visceral feelings. I chose this as my first BTB story because

1) I wanted an out-and-out BTB story that would allow a protagonist (no, I don't see him as a hero and would be quite puzzled if anyone thought I could identify with him) to pursue a long term twisted revenge scheme. Hence the choice of a Jacobean tragedy inspired scheme. BTW, Jacobean revenge tragedy as typified by Marlowe and Webster is full of sex, death and revenge.

2) A protagonist that kills directly/immediately would not be as twisted as one who lets the betrayal gnaw at him for years which then in itself creates the monster that he is. The focus is not on the incest (which also happens in several Jacobean tragedies) but rather the toll that vengeance takes on the traitors and also executor of vengeance.

@TheUnoriginalist - hope that kinda explains the timeline.

3) The protagonist is a founder of a BTB forum and for one to be so committed/obsessed with being betrayed by his wife that he helps to organise a forum like that for other betrayed spouses, he needs to have been eaten alive by the focus on revenge and yet to realise the futility and waste of it all ultimately would establish the purpose of founding such a forum. The silent regret of his twisted scheme is there in the introduction. And one other thing: It's not really a cuckold story because he doesn't enjoy being betrayed.

@Harddaysknight when he first took his wife to the Caribbean, he had just started the company and had already signed the contract, there's no sense annoying the client. Even then, he clung to the hope that with his son there and his hints about how unacceptable infidelity was to him, his wife would reject Ray's advances. Of course she doesn't hence the story. I read the original encounter in deepemerald's story and the husband was completely oblivious to it all.

@Anonymous who referred to the mistakes re the driving after the dinner/ entertaining - that was from the original set up - I'm guessing entertaining guests do happen at restaurants/clubs too - lol - at least that's what I do - saves cleaning up the mess in the house.

As for exaggeration and accusations of not being believable, well, with an out-and-out revenge story, it's a bit like an action movie - where the protagonists jump off cliffs and 5 minutes later emerges not just unscathed but able to shoot down a helicopter with a handgun LOL Relax, I'm not going for non-fiction! So thanks for going on the ride with me!

Oops, forgot about all the comments on Rayna as an innocent party.

1) Rosy was the one who facilitated Rayna becoming a stripper and call-girl. Not sure I've met mothers who do that but in this twisted universe, well, I guess things happen.

2) No one forced Rayna to go down that path or to take part in the virginity auction. She's older than 18, an adult and able to make her own choices. She chose to follow her mother's path.

3) As for not recognising her father's voice - that was problematic, hence, the relative lack of conversation between them. It was mostly her talking. Did ponder voice altering equipment but how does a guy do that when buck naked except for the mask. In any case, I was banking on Rayna being too excited/turned on by the mystery client set up to be looking for anyone who would be familiar. Again, no defence, but aint going for realism prize here.

Think B-movie scenarios :)

The one thing I truly apologise for is the 'flash story' part - it started off as a flash story then became a really long convoluted ride. I wrote this over lunch breaks (30 min) across 8 days. So hopefully, it's a teething thing.

A long read to have such a milquetoast ending. Definately not a btb.

So who really got punished, in the end? Rosy had her fuck-fest life, her fuck-child secret, her suburban housewife life, and she's still spending her golden years in the occasional company of the man she cuckolded. While he lived a life of humiliation and fake marriage. Since Rosy has no shame or scruples, any regrets she has are mostly based on getting caught. So for a BTB story, I say the Bitch got off mostly unharmed, and with very little punishment.

BTB have a very different pace than this English drama. I do not find the story very interesting.

Your ambition for this plot is admirable . Your failure due to lacking of ability is very depressing and frustrating !

I want to give you 4*s . Your characters were interesting, if one dimensional , and you had good dialogue .

Unfortunately they weren't emotionally sympathetic at the beginning . The husband was already angry and vindictive . With his revenge plotted and in motion . Rayna as an individual you failed to develop . So the reader wasn't very connected to her. The wife and others you had the husband describe as various degrees of evil. There wasn't another voice , to counter the husband . It was a long screech of hate and anger. It was so numbing that at the end I felt very little . That, even as I admire the original ending .

With all your writing experience , this type of failure merits a 1* rating . The first page promised so much.....

AMerryman

BtB can be satisfying, this was just your rant and unsatisfying.

...however, failed to inspire much connectedness to any character.

We are meant to empathize with the narrator and any innocent victims in this story....at least that is what one takes from the tone of it.

But the author writes in a rather unemotional, detached way, leaving readers with little opportunity to develop any feeling for them.

If there is any truth at all in this story, I would more accurately label it as a Greek comedy, not a Greek tragedy. They were intrigued by irony. So, they purposely mis-classified their plays.

Anyway....no clear timeline was established between the deflowering of his cuck-daughter and the accident in the villa where she lost her child. So was the child Ryan's or his?

In spite of her declarations, I believe Rosy was far too narcissistic to be capable of love. Secure, warm and confident in her situation, sure, but not love.

Finally, they spend more time together now that they are divorced and Rayna's knowledge of her parantage is public? That just doesn't make sense. And sooner or later Rayna's going to smell him or see or hear something that will make "daddy" all to familiar. The connection made, the fireworks will commence...or she'll cling into his bed one night and fuck him silly, getting pregnant by him....well that's more of a revenge fantasy than anything else....

But believe it, a different situation including unknowing incest (on her part) between a step dad and step-daughter was brought to light at a wedding where they were thrown together in a dance ending with "exciting" results.

Sorry, it was too flat and messy for the kind of drama it portrayed to entertain.

I do hope you will try another topic, working on your characterization and your story to make characters emotionally interesting and the story more realistic or at the least, more believable.

More comments that just scream "I want my Mommy!" from the anonymous 'loving wives' brigade!

@Anon If the husband does not satisfy the wife why the wife will cheat instead of divorce the husband?

@ Bonny You explained well. The cheater wives want both men the husband (money source or family servent) and the lover(s) and a simple revenge to divorce them, because she had to fight for the lover to be long lasting mate and how many % will be the lover long lasting mate?

Shitty story. Beyond shitty. 20 years of staying with an unfaithful woman.

You should consider stopping writing altogether.

5 star. Loved the story. That being said, I couldn't live with her for 20 years. I'm in the BTB brigade. Stories though are just that. Keep writing.

To me.

In particular I liked how you illustrate all the potential complexities and possible consequences of promiscuous sex.

There are many reasons why all human cultures throughout history have coalesced around one major template of sexual morality - marriage and sexual fidelity within marriage. And THE major marriage template is one man and one woman. Yes - polygamy has happened a lot in world history - but never as THE template. Only basically the "1%" of richest men could ever afford multiple wives and children. Plus aggrieved wifeless men - even "little" men - have been known to become dangerously violent sans a lack of wives for themselves.

This is one reason 80,000 more young Chinese men than women - due to sex preference abortions under China's draconian forced one-child-policy - are of such concern to many historians and thoughtful politicians. Both internally in modern China and externally - like all China's neighbors.

only 2 real sufferers were the 2 kids ryan and rayna, 2 innocent victims really

20 yrs as a cuck just to kill one and mentally scar another child

Too many years passed. They say revenge is a dish best served cold. However, here it was frozen for too long to be enjoyed. And in the end he still sees them? Fiction is one thing, preposterous is another.

no rating

I can't bring myself to feel sorry for him. How can any human being help raise a child who calls/sees him as daddy allow this poor child to go through all that? He could've prevented this. I understand he's angry but rayna didn't do anything to him she was innocent just like he was. I almost threw up reading Ray and raynas fucking, while he watched--that's super fucking sick! I understand his hatred for the wife & her lover Ray--but why wait 20 years? Why waste 20 years of emotions on the two turds? They weren't worthy of? Why not divorce her with the shitload of evidence he collected & move on with his life? It just seemed really silly and stupid really... The revenge isn't even btb. I felt so bad for rayna, & Ryan they NEVER had a chance growing up with these mentally challenged turds.. Mom turns her into a stripping/whore & "dad" takes her virginity--oh it gets betters he sets it up for her to fuck her REAL sperm donor... Poor girl.. Poor Ryan's only crime was falling in love---- with his sister! and he ends up dead... Why? This husband was horrible... The truly horrible thing about it is, he doesn't feel any real guilt, he doesn't take any blame for the destruction of raynas life turning upside down all because her mother/his wife is nothing but a whore. He blames Ray and the whore, for these two kids life ruining. But he set this sick shit up...

A writing epic. Poorly done. Multigenerational btb? Serious dud.

Gave it a 2 for effort but too seriously grotesque and miserable.

Wow, this guy was really retarded for wasting the prime of his life for a revenge that is both one of the poorest thought out and least satisfying revenge stories that I have come across.

It is really difficult to have sympathy for a guy that stupid, I do feel a bit sorry for Rayna that she ended up as a whore like her mother, and that the one she considered her father aided her in being one rather than stopping it, ensuring that she was fucked by both her stepfather and sperm donor, seems like the whole setup is built to hurt the daughter a whole lot more than the mother.

Then it just peters out in a depressingly impotent and lackluster ending.

I started to write out one hell of a comment on how sick the fucker was to do all that to the daughter he raised.

Then I saw Danger09 already did.. Well said Danger

The best thing that could happen is rayna and the other kids (were there?) take out huge life insurance policies making sure there are double indemnity clauses on the pieces of shit parents, and in maybe a year, kill them in a fiery "accident" that satisfies the indemnity.

20 years of being a willing cuckold and for what!

This female writer has not a fucking idea what to be and think like a man is like. That is why she writes crap like this.

What a ridiculous plot line. It sounds like something dreamed up by a fifth grader.

So ... For an entire week-end she enjoys the sex and not once (mask and all) recognise his body, voice or manerism! Not even Shakespeare could pull that off.

Take care of yourself and remember your meds before writing or something like this thing I've just subjected myself to might come out of your cavernous mind.

BTB forum ? Aren't you another emasculated male creator trying to show how great being a RAAC is in contrast?

This was not so much btb, as incest. Sorry that doesn't get 5 stars.

reading after the second time author mentioned he would depend on nature versus nurture to determine Rayna's fate. For how a person feels and handles those feelings their is no simple gene determination. It is the action of many genes. Even then genes can be turned off and on by environmental factors from food and drink put inside to emotional factors in their environment. Any cue can helpl an action happen.What the main character did had more effect than what the genes were. Read about epigenetics and find out. ANother story where the result of revenge is worse than the original sin. Will read no more of these ever.

I would have written this so that Rosy was dead and that he and Rayna got together at the end. I liked the story even though it got a little draggy in the middle. Thank you for writing.

but too convoluted to be truly enjoyabvle as a LW story.

A wimpy, coward, self-cuck husband who waits over 20 years for revenge? WTF?

Horse-feces. I skipped paragraphs trying to find a turn around. No luck.

Bullshit, Rosy knew exactly what she was doing with Ray while married was wrong. Rosy just decided that her own needs out weighed her marriage vows! The whole story is a real crap such as a father paying money to fuck his stepdaughter.

but the central character couldn't decide to be a bad-ass or not. Too much angst on his part, took away from the story.

read page one and skipped to end. Just another willing cuckold story. Kinda made me spit up a little at the back of my mouth.

Just plain "Sick". I guess this a what happens when,hatred "twists" one's soul!

A bit too much ... Our protagonist waits 20-years for his revenge is a bit much to swallow or believe but ... easy to understand for he comes across as a brooding man. Bringing it all together was a stroke of genius and undeniably plausible! A spider web that caught all of them in one foul swoop. I liked the ride OUTOFSHADOWS took us on – macabre but entertaining. It is easy to find fault but not that easy to write a story like this. I liked it very much and always had at the back of my mind "How will he bring ALL this together?” And … he did it well! Come on guys it IS fiction after all. The tension at the end was brilliantly stitched together and the outcome was dramatic irony at its best! This was BTB of a different kind – for our protagonist developed a conscience! 4-Stars!

The entire scene with him and his stepdaughter is a bit much. That she does not recognize his voice or how his body is built is too much even for Fiction! 21-years is a long time for plotting a revenge!

I had to stop several times reading this piece of shit, and go wash my face in cold water! I kept hoping your "character" would develop a conscience! He could still get his revenge on Rosy and Ray! ...But I had to keep reading hoping you'd turn the direction around! I actually got sick to my stomach by the time I got finished reading this heap of garbage! I was going to rant about different elements of the story then realized it wouldn't do any good to rant about a sick, twisted, diseased mind that only death could cure!

I couldn´t stop reading until the Grand finale.

The protagonist would have been, legally speaking, more guilty of incest than Ray.

He did it knowingly, Ray (and Ryan) unknowingly.

The 3 parents we saw most were all thoroughly despicable people.

Rosy because she just had to itch the scratch, even with a nursing boy in tow.

Ray because he had to push it and was desperate to do it again and also the way he reacted to the pregnancy, a 3rd generation of whores or a 2nd generation of innocents.

The protagonist for being able to raise a child while planning to use her for his revenge. Any decent person would have either walked away, come clean about what they knew or treated her as their daughter. In his revenge attempt, 7 innocent people get affected, Ray's wife and son, Rayna and her child and Rosy's 3 sons (I read it as the older boy and 2 that were younger than Rayna).

While burning the bitch and the bastard can sometimes be very satisfying and a fun read, having none of the main characters with redeemable features spoils the fun and the collateral damage that some insist on including in their stories completely ruins them.

On the other side, I thought it was an interesting way to follow on from someone's story, it took a few paragraphs to click who the players were d'oh!

What A LOT of words. For nothing.

I well understand your intention. But you failed - at everything you attempted.

The original author made the original ‘Rosanna’ quite likeable, her eventual husband pretty much a non-entity.

Your effort to have me *suddenly* care about him and hate her just didn’t work at all.

I simply ended up disliking you.

Actually, it all ended up with my thinking of *you* as the opportunist. Trying to shove a character into a ‘bitch to be burned’ so that you could be the Noble ‘Judge, jury, and executioner’ - instead, you Outoftheshadows, ended up as the most pathetic.

-

Christ, greatest ‘FAIL’ among so many authors and/or characters in the world of LW’s worst failures!

Congratulations ...I guess.

JMAS

People in this story are totally different from the original version. Waiting 19 years for revenge plot keyed to child's virginity is unreal. Mechanics of taking virginity using masks is impossible. Making child's love her half brother, killing him and fetus off, destroying her memory is pipe dream. This BTB totally fails as a BTB tale, and is far too convoluted and wordy.

Repost this as a standalone, severing all professed connection to deepemerald's far better work.

Too bad that the Rayna-Ryan complication took away the impact of his long anticipated revenge. Just a sad mess for everyone. Could.have been even more tangled if the baby had been born and he was the father. That would.have been fun.

One train wreck turns into another, turns into another, turns into another. Why waste 20 years? For Revenge? You can burn the bitch, but you better expect to get a little flame as well. All that does is cause them to one-up the next person and so on. And then you end up with is Tupac and Biggie getting shot.

This is one of the worst stories I have ever read. It made little sense nothing came together .

What a sick fuck he was. I had hoped he too would be destroyed along with those he destroyed.

A shame he wasn’t. Horrible tale

Your main character is an idiot. He wasted 20 years or more of his life to secure his screwed up version of revenge. Too bad he didn't die a horrible death for the way he treated his wife's daughter. She didn't deserve to have her life ruined.

The main character just can’t be called a man...a sicko...a pathetic creature are just some of the definitions that come to mind...

Nothing he did defines a mans actions...

And trying to use an innocent child (Rayna) for his revenge ( against Ray and Rosy) shows Avery sick and sadistic mindset...he could have stopped this shit at any time..but just was too carried over by his sick desire for long term revenge to behave like a god man..too sick a story to read!!!

What an ugly bunch of characters. The only innocent one was Ryan and he died. I think the main character could teach Osama bi Laden how to really hate. I did not like the story due to darkness of the story line. I do think it was pretty well written and worth 4*.

This whole story was about the husband...we see everything through his eyes...but he is only about a third of this story...Rosy an Rayna is the rest of it...I want to know what

Rosy felt when all the shit hit the fan...after all this whole story is about what she caused to her husband and her sons...actually that she was never their for her sons....

This hot mess was barely holding together as a coherent story up until it was revealed that Rayna was incestuously pregnant followed minutes later by an improbable car crash which caused the death of both Ryan and the fetus as well as Rayna's remarkably convenient amnesia.

Hard to say which straw broke the camel's back but this sad attempt at a BTB story definitely lost control of it's literary legs, bowel and bladder at that point. Sad the author failed to realize there's no such thing as a good scat story.

boy I have to suspend all beliefs for this one. no likable characters what so ever. All this family did is fuck each other, over and around each other. Though the writing was splendid -- 4 star for the author. But for the story -- I give 2 star.

What a fucking piece of garbage!

This might be one of the ten most ill-conceived, poorly-written, stupidly-plotted pieces of garbage I've ever written. A pigeon and a monkey banging on a keyboard could do better.

I agree with a previous commenter about an "impossible fantasy" but isn't that what this site is all about. Suspend reality for a while as a reader - it makes all of the stories more enjoyable. Thanks to OutofShadows for spinning a complex, screwed up story. I enjoyed it!

Don't give up your day job.

forget about this nonsense logic, but I just want to ask the writer one question

when he learned about his wife infidelity he decided to wait 20 years to have his revenge assuming that he can fuck ray's daughter and let ray fuck her too!!! so how he was sure that the unborn girl will act like her mother? and meanwhile the daughter in the story said that she does not approve what her mother did while she did the same with a very silly excuse that she wants to show her mother that she can be in business without cheating? so she sold her virginity and became a whore and risked her future to be known as a whore just to show her mother?

then the husband fucked the girl who he raised and destroyed her her by letting her fuck her father and recorded then used the recorder to destroy the girl and her lover life

so instead of hurting his wife and ray he destroyed his daughter life and the life of her lover while ray was not affected at all except after he put him in Jill

this is a very bad story with a lot of mistakes

1 star - one of the worst stories ever. After the first page, I thankfully skipped to the comments section and was not assaulted too badly by the extremely poor story.

i enjoy btb but this is too dark, why do their children bear the sins of their parents :((, thanks for writing..

more BTB please :d

What a pile of garbage. Obsessed with revenge for twenty years? Get a life, dude.

Pathetic!-1*

that was disgusting..the MC lost all moral ground when he used Rayna! She was an innocent in this... and could have been protected. though she was not his genetic material..she looked up at him as a father..it was his duty to protect her!

Planned and stayed on alert for 20 years, to give it all up and crawl like a pussy in the end. Whomever wrote this is no man, for sure.

Simply the stupidest tale on this site.... The 20 year wait to effect simple revenge is totally insipid. Nothing about this story makes any sense whatsoever which is why I gave it a 1 star for it is an utter epic fail when with a little rewriting and some simple common sense plot lines, it could be a really great one.

Epic Fail 1 star