All Comments on 'Callie Comes Home'

You shoul make your mind if you call her Callie or Margaret. At this moment it looks like you put two stories together...

Is it Callie or Margaret?

I gave up when I got to here "wife of my ex-wife's brother"

Lost interest at "Margaret"

Name changing in the middle of the story is a huge distraction. Perhaps using an editor would help. 3 *'s

...but you really need a copy editor. You must know someone who would enjoy helping you avoid such blunders as the "Margaret" name switch and others. It's hard to tell though why you submitted your story in this shape. A simple rereading on your part would have caught these simple and obvious mistakes.

You're also unclear about the meanings of a few words, for example, "...the sky that was tainted crimson by the setting sun." Believe me, tainted isn't the word you want. (I hope.)

Betty in San Jose

To name a story "Callie Comes Home" and suddenly switch her to "Margaret" at the supposedly hot part of the story borders on the absurd. Don't quit your day job.

Was really getting into it until Margaret appeared. Went back and forth trying to find out who this was but....

Why not fix it and repost it?

... to see that no-one has commented on 'Callie' changing 'her' name part way through to 'Margaret', and then back again!!

It just goes to show that those 5 who 'favorited' it didn't REALLY read the story!!

And that YOU couldn't be bothered to PROOF READ!!

I also got thrown by the name change from Callie to Margaret and back to Callie. There did not seem any reason for it. The only thing I can figure out is the author got lost in their own story and didn't go back and proof read it. This author needs an editor.

- WTF?! So many college English professors commenting on this story! Yeah,proof reading is always a good idea but,the story development,characters,and resolution were all quite good,and isn't THAT what's really important?!

- After the 1st switch to Margaret from Callie,I just thought Callie where Margaret was written.(Is that too much of a brain drain for all of our "college professors" making comments?!)

- I gave the story a 5,although a case could be made for a 4.

... you are an ignorant fool!!

If you are going to expect someone to read what you've written then give them something worth reading, not some rubbish that you've dashed off whilst jerking yourself off, and never bothered to read!

Asshole would be a compliment for you! Take your head out of your ass, (Clean off the ring around your collar,dipshit!) , and make sure the cream hits you squarely in the face when pulling your pud!

was wondering just when did Margeret show up? and where was Callie at the time? were you writing two stories together?

How did Callie "come home" as it was never her home to begin with meaning she never left, meaning she cant come back?

Callie or Margaret? PLEASE READ AND CORRECT ANY MISTAKES BEFORE SUBMITTING YOUR STORY, otherwise the story is ruined by the stupid mistakes, what ever happened to editors/friends proof reading it before SUBMITTING the story.

I think that maybe, Margaret is your sister-in-law; you inadvertantly lost control of your true desire. Better luck next time, hiding her identity.

Great story!