Captured

"Isn't that look a part of the grieving process?" she said still stunned by just how on-point his comment had been. "Being sad?"

"Keep in mind I lost the love of my life, and even so, my look was only temporary. Grief is normal, yes. But not everyone feels like they've been hollowed out. I had that feeling for many months and I can recognize the look anywhere." He saw the look on her face and said, "You know, like someone reached inside and pulled your soul out leaving you empty and...hollow."

"Soul? So you're a religious man?" she asked taking another small sip.

"Hardly," he replied. "I went to church with my mom as a boy, but I gave it up in high school. I just couldn't square all the Bible stories with reality. So no, I'm not religious. I just got very good at reading people. It proved to be a real asset once I went into business."

"Computers, right?" she asked.

"Generically yes, but software to be more precise. I developed a compression algorithm MicroSoft not only bought, but it hired me, as well. I went from living in my parents' basement in Wyoming—literally—to having more money than I could ever spend overnight."

"And now you're retired?" she asked him.

"I guess so. I basically just walked away when Kim got sick. We both grew up in Jackson, and that's where she wanted to go to..." He couldn't bring himself to say the word 'die' again, but there was no need to.

"I'm very sorry," she said trying to be sincere. She almost felt something with 'almost' being the key word. "So you built a palace in Jackson?"

Reed smiled and said, "Close but not exactly. Our home is near the metropolis of Big Piney, a podunk town a little ways southeast of Jackson. Secondly, it's not exactly a palace. It's just a home. A pretty nice, very comfortable home, but nothing like what you're thinking of. Kim wanted to feel like she was in a home, not some kind of cold, impersonal Taj Mahal. We'd tried living the so-called good life here in Seattle, and she hated it. She never once complained, but we were both country kids at heart, and that's where she wanted to spend her remaining time. I just happened to be pretty good at math and science and loved tinkering with writing software and it paid off financially in a big a way. Oh, and I'm...or was...pretty good at hacking."

"Oh, a hacker. Ever hacked anything important?"

"A time or two," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Maybe I'll tell you about my escapades sometime."

"I'd like that," she told him.

He took a long drink from his glass and said, "So now you know a little about me. What's your story, Autumn? Why are you so empty inside?"

"What makes you so sure I am?" she asked trying to keep smiling. It bothered her to no end that his analysis was so spot on. She'd felt exactly like he described it—hollow—for so long it couldn't hurt to explore potential reasons why. She laughed to herself thinking that some retired software guy in a cowboy hat was going to provide the answers she couldn't even figure out the questions to while sitting at a bar.

"Do you answer every question with a question?" he replied playing her game.

"Why? Does that bother you?" she came back saying it with another smile that wasn't completely faked.

"It's not my life," he told her truthfully.

"Then why do you care?" she asked him.

"Because caring is what makes us feel alive."

"What do you care about, Reed Harding?"

"Not money. I can tell you that. I've been poor and rich beats poor every time, but money most definitely doesn't buy us happiness. So...my daughter, most of all. But I also care about the horses and the animals on my ranch. We've got quite a menagerie going on out there. Ducks, geese, turkeys, deer, squirrels, and all kinds of song birds in the trees next to our home. I loved writing code and finding ways to get around firewalls, but nothing's ever made me feel so...connected...than caring for other people and things."

"So are you implying I don't care about other people or things?" she asked finishing her drink.

"Tell me who you care about and why," he said challenging her as he took another drink from his own glass.

"Well, my parents for starters," she told him.

"Okay, tell me what you do for them," he said.

"What? What do you mean by 'do for them'? They're my parents. I love them."

"Having a feeling isn't caring. What do you do to show them you love them? Do you go out of your way to spend time with them? Do you tell them how much you appreciate them for the way they sacrificed to raise you? Do you..."

"Okay. Point taken." Autumn was hurt and trying hard not to show it. He'd drilled right down to the bone and it hurt. She couldn't think of a single person she truly cared about let alone did something...anything...to actually show them she cared. She thought about mentioning Daphne, but dismissed the thought as quickly as it came.

"Every adult human mind is captured by something," he told her. "Nature abhors a vacuum so either some passion, need, desire, or in far too many cases, emptiness and depression capture our minds. The key is to let it be captured by something that interests you."

"Have you ever thought of becoming a therapist?" she asked him.

"Not a chance," he replied. "Therapists aren't interested in helping people. All they do is ask questions about whatever you say in order to try and get you to figure it out and heal yourself. Besides, even the ones who do care won't tell a person what they really need to hear."

"And why's that?" Autumn asked.

"Because the people they see don't want to do the hard work that has to be done to give up and let go of whatever negative thing has captured their minds. They'd get angry and stop coming if the therapist got brutally honest with them, so they rarely offer anything of value. But they always do manage to charge you for the session. Seems a little one-sided to me."

"So...Dr. Harding...how does one's mind—capture—something interesting or exciting? Does one just say, 'Oh, I'll start liking x, y, or z today and be happy' or what?"

"In my case, it was writing code. There was something magical about the way it worked. It had this kind of mathematical purity to it. All I had to do was imagine what I wanted and then follow the laws of science and with enough hard work, I'd get there. I'd get so involved that hours and occasionally an entire day would pass before I realized I had no idea how long I'd been doing it. That's called getting into a 'flow state' and doing something like that is a big part of what makes life interesting. Later, Kim taught me what it was like to care about another person and then our daughter, Emily, came along, and now I have these majestic creatures called horses..." He smiled at her and said, "Sorry, I can get carried away sometimes. It's just that after spending a year feeling like nothing had any meaning, it's hard to see someone else going through that."

"Ah, so you're a 'fixer.'"

"A fixer?" he asked.

"Yeah. You know, the guy who takes on the challenge of fixing some person he considers to be broken or defective. You want to fix me." She tilted her head and asked, "Am I right?"

"Yes and no," he told her. "Yes to wanting to fix you and no to the motivation. I would like to see you happy because I care about people, not because I want or need a project."

"Why me? Why do you care about me when you don't know anything about me?"

"To bring us full circle, it's because you're here with me right now. You entered my life a short while ago, and I could tell you're hollow inside, and knowing how awful that is, I'd rather see you happy than hollow. It's no more complicated than that." He paused for a moment then added, "Hell, even being unhappy is better than feeling hollow. At least unhappy people feel something." He seemed to look right into her soul and asked, "Do you ever feel, Autumn? Do you ever feel anything?"

"I do okay for myself," she answered dodging his question. "I'm a third-year law student with a well-paying part-time job."

"Interesting answer," he said as he continued looking into her eyes in a way that made her uncomfortable and yet in some way it was somehow very comforting at the same time. "I'm guessing you're an excellent student and very good at your um...job. But something tells me studying is your way of staying busy to avoid thinking about how you feel, which, if I'm right, is that you don't feel much of anything. And I'm also gonna guess that this part-time job of yours pays the bills, but does nothing for your soul."

"I thought you said you weren't religious," she pointed out trying to distract him so she could change the subject.

"I'm not. I use soul in a generic kind of way. It's that part of a person that connects us with other people or to the world around us. It's the thing that soars when we're enjoying life. And it's the thing that's missing when we're—hollowed out."

"Okay, so I don't just choose this thing that makes me happy, but I have to find it and let it just sort of happen. Where does one go to look to find it?"

"One can find it anywhere, but in your case I'd like to suggest something."

"An hour upstairs in your bed?" she asked trying not to sound too cynical.

"Nope. I have no interest in that." He stopped talking then said, "That's not completely true. I actually have a lot of interest in that, I just don't have any with you."

Autumn's eyes opened wide and before she could speak, Reed said, "No. That's not what I meant, either. You're a very beautiful woman, but then you already know that. What I meant is I have no interest in asking you to join me in bed because all I want...all I need...is to be able to talk with a beautiful, intelligent woman. Sometimes that's better than sex."

"You must be doing it wrong then," she said keeping up the smile.

Reed laughed politely and said, "Kim taught me what it meant not only to care about a woman, but also how to satisfy her. I may not be the world's greatest lover, but I am more than capable in that arena, thank you very much. It's just that sometimes I find intellectual conversation at least as enjoyable as sex and sometimes even more so. And please don't take offense based on your part-time job, but sex for the sake of sex holds no interest for me."

"No offense taken," she told him. He'd been right about everything else and she couldn't argue with him on that, either. Sex for sex's sake felt good, but so did masturbation. Even sex with Daphne had felt good, but none of it ever made her feel anything. "So what's this great idea of yours?"

"Come to Wyoming with me."

"What? You want to come and stay with you at your home?"

"Just for a week or so. Isn't the term almost over?" he asked.

"Yes. Finals are this Wednesday."

"Okay, great. Then I'll fly you to Jackson that evening. I'll pay you for your time, of course."

"I charge $10,000 a day for overnighters," she told him quietly.

"Then let's make it an even 100k for the week. I just want you to get out of this place and out of your head for a while and give your mind a chance to be captured by something else. Maybe you'll even learn to care for someone or something. If it doesn't work, you come back here with some money and at least a new experience. But if does work..." He smiled and said, "I gotta warn you though, speaking of work, that is. There's it's a lot of it. We're not gonna sit inside and drink iced tea and watch Oprah."

"Are you saying you don't think I know how to work?" she asked feigning indignation.

"I have no idea," he told her. "But I have 30 horses that need to be fed, watered, groomed, and ridden and just one stable hand to help me out."

"Thirty horses along with all the other critters." She sat there for a moment then said, "A hundred grand for one week?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said as he put his hat back on and tipped it to her. "Oh, and before I forget, can you move your purse a little closer?" He dropped a thin white envelope inside and thanked her for her time before standing up. He offered her his hand and helped her stand, as well. "There's something extra in there for you to buy yourself some new clothes. As nice as you look tonight, you won't need anything this fancy. Just some jeans, tee shirts, and maybe a pair of work boots for outside. What you wear inside is up to you. We hicks in Wyoming do have running water, indoor plumbing, and even air conditioning in the summer, so it'll be comfortable."

"Work boots, huh? Does that mean cowboy boots?"

"It could," he told her. "I don't like to micromanage so that's up to you. Just be ready to go to work the first morning."

He reached out and took her hands and told her, "I see a potentially happy person inside you, Autumn. Give her a chance to come out, okay? You might even like her." He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek and thanked her again for the conversation.

"I'll text you the details on when and where to meet the plane and if you'd like your money upfront, just let me know, okay?"

"Okay," she said as he looked into her eyes. For the briefest of moments, she had a feeling she hadn't had in so long she couldn't remember when she'd had it. All she knew was it felt very...pleasant.

****************************************************************************************************

Reed had a limo pick her up and take her to where his private jet was waiting at Sea-Tac airport. She was cleared to board in less than two minutes and on her way to to the Jackson Hole Airport several minutes after she sat down. "I could get used to this," she said to herself as the male flight attendant, the only other person on board besides the pilot and co-pilot handed her a glass of champagne.

Autumn spend about a thousand dollars of the money Reed gave her on clothes and other things she thought she'd need. She really had no idea what to wear on a horse ranch in June in Wyoming, but she'd bought mostly what he'd recommended to include a pair of work boots. They were pink and called Safety Girl work boots. If she had to wear ugly boots, they could at least be stylishly ugly, right?

Three hours later the plane touch down at the local airport and on approach, the one and only thing Autumn noticed were the mountains. "Shit," she said quietly upon noticing them for the first time. The Rocky Mountains surrounding this part of the country were enormous. The were also coldly and starkly majestic, towering above the flatter land surrounding them.

The flight attendant helped her off the plane and carried her four bags to the next waiting limo. She couldn't see inside and wasn't expecting anyone other than the very friendly driver who met her so she was startled when the door opened a little girl said excitedly, "Hi, I'm Emily! Are you Autumn?"

She slid in and saw Reed sitting next to her. She smiled at him then replied to the girl. "Why yes, I am. I didn't think anyone would be here to meet me."

"Well, it's too far to walk so Daddy said we had to come get you. He was gonna leave you a horse to ride, but he didn't think you knew the way." The girl spoke very precisely and matter of factly as though she were an adult in this tiny little body. She had long blonde hair, blue eyes, and was just adorable.

"Well that was really nice of your daddy because I don't know the way and I've never ridden a horse before."

"Oh, it's very easy. I'll show you how. You can ride Charcoal. He was Mommy's horse. I don't really remember my Mommy. She died when I was little. I'm big now, though."

"Yes, you are," Autumn said to her while smiling at her father.

"She's rather precocious," he told her as though that wasn't obvious.

"She's adorable," Autumn told him.

"My daddy tells me that all the time," she said as though that too, was obvious. Well, it actually was. It was just funny hearing a child saying something so brutally honest but something that would be frowned upon were she a few years older.

"How was your flight?" he asked.

"It was nice," she told him honestly. "Must be nice," she added.

"It's like anything else. Once you get used to it, it's no big deal. Beats going through security or flying coach though, doesn't it?"

She took in the beauty of the land the rest of the way to his ranch. Autumn had only been outside of western Washington once in her life and that was to go up to British Columbia on her senior trip. She'd never really seen anything but the Pacific Northwest but because of all the forests and the Cascade Mountains, the contrast wasn't really all that great. It was a lot like home only the mountains were jagged and sharp and almost bare of snow this time of year. Still, it was very impressive.

It took just under two hours to make the drive to Big Piney and when they pulled up to his 'nice, comfortable home' Autumn sat and stared. It had to be the biggest log cabin in the entire world.

"It's wood, but it's not a log cabin," he told her. She said something, but he didn't hear it. "What?" he said as he grabbed two of her bags.

"Your comfortable little house is bigger than my entire dorm. The front window is bigger than..."

"Okay, maybe I downplayed it a bit, but it isn't a palace."

Reed and the driver brought her things inside and she was as awestruck by it as she'd been by the exterior. "Did you leave any trees anywhere on earth for anyone else?" she asked looking around in a 180-degree half circle.

"One or two," he said as he nodded toward the other end of the house. "Let's get your things put away then I'll give you the grand tour. We still need to see the ranch tonight so you'll know what I mean when I tell you about the 'corner 40' or other landmarks.

Her bedroom was three times the size of her dorm room with a huge, king-sized bed and three large dressers, a night stand, a makeup table, and a full-length mirror. Plus, she had her own bathroom that had a huge shower, a large clawfoot tub, two sinks, and a steam room.

She still hadn't taken in everything in her room when Emily called out, "Autumn, come on! I wanna show you my room. We can play with my toys!"

Emily's room was nearly as big but unlike the room she was staying in, Emily's looked like a little girl lived there. It was painted pink with white trim and had more dolls and stuffed animals along with a dollhouse that was bigger than any she'd even seen before. "Wow! You have the coolest room ever!" she told Emily.

"I know! Come on, we can play a game. Do you want to?"

Reed stepped in and said, "Honey, Miss Autumn needs to see the ranch this evening before it gets dark. You wanna go with us?"

"In the helicopter? Sure! Can I bring Annabelle?" she asked holding up a Raggedy-Ann like doll.

"Of course," her father told her. "Anyone need to use the restroom before we go?"

"We're flying in a helicopter?" Autumn said not sure she heard correctly.

"Just a quick trip. We could do it on horseback, but 10,000 acres is about 16 square miles and we might not get back in time for Emily to go to bed."

"I don't wanna go to bed!" she said protesting something that was still three hours away.

"Okay, I guess that'd be okay," Autumn said tentatively.

The driver took them about half a mile down a very long private road and there was a small hanger with a helicopter inside. Someone was opening the doors and he waved to the limo as it pulled in.

"You're all set, Reed," the man told him.

"Thanks, Tommy," he called back as he opened the door and let the girls out.

"Is he our pilot?" Autumn asked.

"Tommy? Nah. He's my mechanic."

"Who's flying it?" she asked.

"Me," he said.

"Um, you're flying that?" she asked pointing to the blue and white machine.

"I'm fully certified," he told her. "Come on. Let's get moving!"

Five minutes later, they were hovering about 15 feet over the large concrete pad. Suddenly, the nose dipped down and Autumn shrieked as it banked right and turned out toward open country.