All Comments on 'Captured as Queen Ch. 01'

OK it's possible that a woman would start lactating early in her pregnancy, but that would be uncommon, you present it here as if it's a symptom of pregnancy and that hit a sour note. As someone who is currently breastfeeding I feel like an expert, forgive me.

The sex scene was well written, everything was well written but abrupt. You give us men suckling her breasts and getting milk, THEN fill in that she's pregnant, THEN that she's not showing so he didn't realize, THEN that she only had sex once with a boyfriend. The way you've laid it out makes me think you had a scene in mind and as an after thought threw in some details.

Slow down a little bit and build your world, flesh out your characters. Make us, as readers, care about what happens to Delia. She's apparently a pregnant young woman who is fairly innocent. If I'd known that first I would have been more impacted by her capture and ravishment. I read a lot of badly written stories in here, this isn't badly written, which is why I think it's worth offering some constructive critique. I look forward to seeing how you develop as a writer.

I agree with @KindasCake.......

From a fellow breastfeeding mom

I've had 5 kids, and lactation early on really isn't a thing. In fact, it always took about 3 days AFTER birth before I stopped creating colostrum and produced milk, though my docs assure me that is because all my babies were premises and I likely would have produced milk in the LAST 2-3 weeks gestation.

As was suggested, a little more fleshing out and you have the makings of a great story here. Thank you for proofreading. It showed that you care about the quality of the finished product.

Yeah I'm 8 months pregnant with my second baby now. My first was two weeks overdue and there was still no milk pouring out of my boobs. Leaking milk or producing enough milk to drink while pregnant doesn't happen. You can leak colostrum but your body only produces a tiny amount of that. Your milk doesn't come in until about 3 days after your baby is born and your milk production is stimulated by the baby's stomach growing and the baby crying because it's hungry. I can promise there's no milk flying out of your boobs when a guy is sucking on them while you're pregnant, but it would make for pretty hilarious sex. Unfortunately this kind of oversight when writing can make it difficult to believe the scenario or situation. If you're going to write about a pregnant girl can I suggest that you do some research online about how it all works as many of your readers will be women who are pregnant or who have had babies and who will be put off if it isn't accurate.

I HAD LOTS of milk from 6 months preg on. If I touched my nipples, it would run out. Its possible. Dont knock it just cause it didnt happen to you.. Enjoy the story.. And google A.N.R. its a fetish life style.. Lactating without being pregnant.. Shocking, right??!??

The point I think we are all making pretty thoroughly is that lactating is not a symptom of pregnancy. Even you say "from 6 months", and that's unusual but it does happen. And bringing up ANR isn't relevant, this story isn't about inducing lactating. If the story was really well written and engaging people might not have fixated on the lactating, but it wasn't so that sour note couldn't be ignored. As I said in my previous comment the writer has potential, but there's work to be done and they should either research things like pregnancy more thoroughly or make it clear that this is some alternate world where you start lactating at conception.

Totally agree with the above. You lost me at lactation in early pregnancy. Also, you changed the spelling of Delia/Dalia mid-story. Slow your roll a little because your story has potential :)