All Comments on 'Carpe Noctem Pt. 01'

A truly sexy & stimulating story. However you are in serious need of an editor. Can be confusing when pronouns are wrong. Also, I think tbere could be a better way of switching back and forth between speakers. I liked hearing both of their perspectives, but the way it is written is distracting. I can't wait to read the next chapter!

I appreciate your feedback and the comment. I did do a big edit on this before I submitted it, changed it from being a third person narrative. By the time I was finished it was getting late and I was getting very tired so I rushed it. Which, unfortunately, shows. The second part of this story has been submitted and should show up in a couple of days. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Unykorn.

Even with the editing issues, this got me all shivery and hot. I am hooked by the characters and the plot. Love realistic people. Love me some mfm with that surprise you tossed in. Liked the balance of privacy within a public place. One's fun does not have to become cheap entertainment for the masses. I will be watching for the next chapter.

PS. It would be worthwhile to do the edit and polish on this chapter and then resubmit and ask the Lit folks to replace this original. This deserves to be it's best.

You might tag for the surprise as that is a significant twist.

Yummy Start

Holy shit! You snuck a couple new stories in on me that I haven't had a chance to read.... Guess I need to get hot reading them to catch up👠👠👠Kant.

I am really starting to like your writing. I'm putting you in my "favorite authors" category.

Beautifully explicit and detailed. Describes the feelings as well as the erotic details

I am glad that you like this chapter and hope that you enjoy Part Two as well. I appreciate your comments and feedback. Unykorn